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Original poster

To not meet up with someone I really like because of my skin

47 replies

Nocure4 · 05/12/2024 18:16

I hate my skin. I have mild small patches of psoriasis. Have done for years. Mirena coil has made it worse. Currently have 15 small patches on my back. My knees have a matching 2p size patch and I have tiny patches on my boobs too. I'm lucky as it's mild. It sometimes almost goes completely. My back was clear until I had a cold.
I'm sick of using steroid creams.
I get alot of compliments the last few years. I get told I'm pretty. I guess My face is OK. People keep asking me why I'm single and why I don't give people a chance.

In recent days a man I have had a thing for over a year has told me the feeling had been mutual. He wants to meet up for a drink and we both have flirted alot. I really really like him. But I can't have sex or take my clothes off when I feel so insecure. Plus imagine how he'd feel if he touched my back and felt it.

It really gets me down because I can't see myself ever having confidence.

OP posts:
Dotto · 05/12/2024 18:18

So use the treatment?

Pomegranatecarnage · 05/12/2024 18:20

Use the steroid cream and go on a date. You don’t have to have sex straight away.

adulthoodisajoke · 05/12/2024 18:22

I think you should meet for a drink.
It's okay to just have a drink and warm into a relationship/build trust prior to them seeing you with your clothes off.
if he isn't understanding and respectful of these things he isn't worth your time.

you dont have to use the treatment if you dont want to if its purely aesthetic reasons.
or use it for the first drink to boost your confidence and cross that bridge when you come to it
Good luck!

Ginkypig · 05/12/2024 18:24

Have you tried light treatment?

my friend had a good response when she tried it.

CourgettesCarrots · 05/12/2024 18:25

In my experience most men don't give a shiny sh*t about stuff like that. They just feel lucky to be getting laid.

If it helps, when I got together with my partner I decided to point out all the things I hated about my body: the stretch marks and birth marks and moles and bunions, my flaky scalp. I went through them one by one. He just laughed and said I was making a fuss out of nothing and that I was beautiful.

If a man is bothered then he's not the right one

Jawandmoan · 05/12/2024 18:27

Woukd it change how you feel about him
if he turned out to have psoriasis like yours OP?
If not, then why do you assume it would put him off you?

canyouletthedogoutplease · 05/12/2024 18:27

Go on the date, he might not be someone you want to take it further with, he could have any manner of aspects to him that put YOU off. Go and see, and then work it out as you go along.

FranticHare · 05/12/2024 18:27

Go on a date. I get you feel self conscious, but the vast majority of people (especially women) have a hangup about something re their bodies. Anything from saggy boobs when bra taken off, to saggy tummies (especially post birth) to cellulite to scars to too fat or too thin. Bums too big or not big enough. List is endless!

I genuinely don’t believe the majority of it matters one jot. Use your cream if it makes you feel better, and go and enjoy that date!

katscamel · 05/12/2024 18:34

I'm sure you don't need people telling you what to use/ not to use so I won't.. except to say that bread makes mine worse.
I understand exactly how you feel, for many years I've had fairly large patches on my elbows and legs. It does knock your confidence but once you really get to know someone they should be able to accept you flaky skin or no flaky skin.
Ok I know you know that... go and have a drink ... or 2 with him... when it feels right... sleep with him.... wear a cami type thing to cover your back.... . Remember everyone has something they don't like about themselves...he might have a mole that looks Donald Trump or werewolf toes.....

5128gap · 05/12/2024 18:40

Go on the date with him. And (call me old fashioned) just don't get naked with him until you're at least comfortable enough to tell him you have psoriasis. Its a big deal to you so the worry would spoil sex for you unless you knew it wasn't going to be something he'd discover for himself. If he's attracted to you, I'd bet my house he won't care.

WooleyMunky · 05/12/2024 18:53

Well, there are a couple of ways to look at this OP.

If he likes you, and you like him, you should at least go on the date.
If it turns out well, you click, more dates, you can raise this. If he is anything to be worth bothering with, he will be sensitive to this and it can go from there. MN will be happy, buy hats, judge his friends etc.

On the other hand, if you are at the - ahem, 'porkage' stage at any time soon, I don't know of any man that really pays attention to anything at that stage.

Go on the date, enjoy.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 05/12/2024 18:55

I guarantee that no man who has gotten a woman naked has ever gone "Oh no! A few patches of rough skin, I must immediately flee!"

We're usually too busy thanking god that the other person is willing to get naked with us to notice.

Pouri · 05/12/2024 18:56

Go on the date (and use the treatment) if he’s like ew when he touches you (unlikely) better to know he’s grim and move on than not doing anything and wondering what if and imagining situations

CrispyCrumpets · 05/12/2024 18:57

Just go on the date and pretend you are playing hard to get till your skin clears up a bit.

MarkingBad · 05/12/2024 18:59

One of the things we sometimes forget as women is that the male libido has a very low bar on looks when they are attracted to someone.

You don't have to have sex if you don't want to but if you do and this is stopping you, it is you who is stopping you not him.

ARealitycheck · 05/12/2024 19:04

Firstly us guys aren't actually that observant. Once you disrobe our attention is taken up elsewhere, and often our brains start working at an even slower rate.
Secondly. Unless you and the guy are in your 30's or younger, I'd expect he will have bits that aren't as aesthetically pleasing as they were when he was a young man either.

Fogandfrost · 05/12/2024 19:08

Op what topical treatments have you tried?

Narkacist · 05/12/2024 19:15

It’s so rare to meet someone you really click with. Be more afraid of wasting this chance than of someone knowing you have a bit of rough skin.
You can always get some lingerie to keep on if it makes you more comfortable, further down the line.
You can have confidence by deciding to have it. It’s harder than being born with it, but not impossible.

Spinosaurus1 · 05/12/2024 19:18

My partner has this and honestly it’s never bothered me. I feel like it will be more of an issue for you than him.

Go on the date but you get to know each other, go on a few dates first then take it from there

orangewasp · 05/12/2024 19:23

In my experience most men don't give a shiny sht about stuff like that. They just feel lucky to be getting laid*

100% this. Honestly OP, just don't worry about it, I have bad skin and stretchmarks and men have never cared 😀

orangewasp · 05/12/2024 19:25

Damn the * in shit ruined my formatting 🙄

VN15 · 05/12/2024 19:54

I was also in the same situation as you. I developed guttate psoriases a year before I met my partner and still have it today. I told my then partner (now husband) about my condition before we got physical and he was completely okay with it. He's never made me feel awful about it and I don't use my steroid creams anymore because it's not a permanent fix.

If someone likes you for you then it shouldn't bother them. What if he develops something? Would you be put off? Health isnt guaranteed.

Worried8263839 · 05/12/2024 20:06

VN15 · 05/12/2024 19:54

I was also in the same situation as you. I developed guttate psoriases a year before I met my partner and still have it today. I told my then partner (now husband) about my condition before we got physical and he was completely okay with it. He's never made me feel awful about it and I don't use my steroid creams anymore because it's not a permanent fix.

If someone likes you for you then it shouldn't bother them. What if he develops something? Would you be put off? Health isnt guaranteed.

I was also in this exact position and did the same thing! Don't let it hold you back OP, it bothers you understandably but most others don't care!

Nicnak2223 · 05/12/2024 20:08

I've had psoriasis for years and hated steroids, go back to gp and get a dermatologist appointment. I've had light treatment and now tablets and I'm psoriasis free.

Date or don't date but there are options to get rid of all of the symptoms, I didn't realised how much my life was being effective until I cleared the symptoms

Mmhmmn · 05/12/2024 20:11

CourgettesCarrots · 05/12/2024 18:25

In my experience most men don't give a shiny sh*t about stuff like that. They just feel lucky to be getting laid.

If it helps, when I got together with my partner I decided to point out all the things I hated about my body: the stretch marks and birth marks and moles and bunions, my flaky scalp. I went through them one by one. He just laughed and said I was making a fuss out of nothing and that I was beautiful.

If a man is bothered then he's not the right one

This.