To not meet up with someone I really like because of my skin

[Nocure4]

I hate my skin. I have mild small patches of psoriasis. Have done for years. Mirena coil has made it worse. Currently have 15 small patches on my back. My knees have a matching 2p size patch and I have tiny patches on my boobs too. I'm lucky as it's mild. It sometimes almost goes completely. My back was clear until I had a cold.
I'm sick of using steroid creams.
I get alot of compliments the last few years. I get told I'm pretty. I guess My face is OK. People keep asking me why I'm single and why I don't give people a chance.

In recent days a man I have had a thing for over a year has told me the feeling had been mutual. He wants to meet up for a drink and we both have flirted alot. I really really like him. But I can't have sex or take my clothes off when I feel so insecure. Plus imagine how he'd feel if he touched my back and felt it.

It really gets me down because I can't see myself ever having confidence.

I had terrible discoid eczema when I first got with my husband. I once (months later) brought up how embarrassed I was at the time, and he had no idea what I was talking about! He hadn’t even noticed it! Honestly, men neither notice or care. Go on the date!

I had just started getting over a massive outbreak of guttate psoriasis when I met my DP. I was left with the pigmentation all over my body where it had finally cleared up and still a few patches of psoriasis. My DP never even mentioned it and we hadn't been speaking long!

I did tell him about it quite early on. He doesn't care. Currently have a flare up now after having my DD.

Go on the date! And just causally bring it up in conversation when you feel comfortable to. It'll likely make you feel better getting it out and I can guarantee he will not care

Poor you x it's a tough condition to have and to learn to deal with in terms of confidence. It's especially difficult in new relationships when you might not feel comfortable yet talking about it.

Take it slowly. Have a couple of dates getting to know him, you don't need to tell him until you are comfortable.

I've had psoriasis on 65-95% of my body since I was 6 months old. I didn't wear a short sleeved top until I was in my late 30s, that's how long it took me to say 'sod it'. I met dh in my 20s when I was pretty much covered head to toe, he loved me then and still does now 40yrs later (and I still have psoriasis but only 10%). If he's right for you it won't be an issue honestly.

With the benefit of experience can I just say that try and frame it in your mind as something you have not something you are. It took me many years to accept that but once I did my life was much less restricted. The people who matter just don't care about it.

Thanks all. Like I say it's so mild mostly but I hate the fact there's always abit. It's not even flaky mine. Its more like guttate. It's red and inflamed. I guess knees can be flaky sometimes.
I've got dovobet. It works. I've used 4 tubes in 2 years. A tube lasts me a few months but I dab it on a little most days. I am kind of worried I'm still using it so regularly. I am trying to stop. Hate using it really.

I guess you are right. If you like someone in a genuine way it won't matter. I wish there was a cure.

Hi @Nicnak2223, which tablets cleared your psoriasis? I need to try medication as the creams haven’t worked. Thanks

Go on the date and have a great time. Just in case you feel like having sex, wear a plain playsuit kind of lingerie underneath and keep it on and turn lights really low / off.

If this progresses to more dates then at this point you'd have grown comfortable enough to talk about it and I can assure you it won't bother him.

Can I ask if anyone on here has used steroids long term

@Nocure4 I have used dovobet ointment sparingly for years. I say sparingly because it changed my life when it became available, and after using it quite heavily in the first year or so I barely needed it at all, just as you say after a flare up particularly after a strep throat or eating excessive gluten. I avoid gluten now, never drink alcohol, and limit sugar. These are game changers. However I have never encountered another topical treatment that works.

And if it reassures you any..
For the first years I used the treatment I was a teenager , wanting to wear skimpy outfits and enjoy all the things that teenagers do without self consciousness, it was as if I’d been given a new lease of life and after a childhood of nothing working I’ll be honest and say there was nothing sparing about the way I used it in those years. Zero. I’d have traded a limb though for clear skin, that’s how it felt being 16 as you can imagine.
So for the purposes of this experiment I can tell you that 25 years on i’m in very good health with excellent blood work, have raised a healthy brood of kids and my skin is lovely.

I guess knees can be flaky sometimes.

He's really not going to be all that interested in your knees.

I do understand how it can make you feel though. I had a skin condition for a couple of years that left big pink dry skin marks dotted about like a leopard skin, it wasn't great for my self esteem. I refused steroid cream because my system was too buggered by the several treatments of antibiotics I'd been given and nothing seemed to work. It disappeared in the end, I just used hydromol and ate a skin friendly diet but it could have gone for any reason.

I am very fair skinned so can get sunburnt easily if not careful, it doesn't happen often but I do get it occasionally. After an episode of sunburn and my skin was peeling, I was sitting chatting to my then partner who started staring at my face intently, he then reached over stroked my face very gently and told me he loved the way my skin peeled off.

Who am I to judge!

I have really awful eczema. At the moment I can barely move my hands. Have weeping open sores all over my fingers. I do feel grim and it's painful. I'm self conscious because I was bullied at school for it. No one would hold my hand in the circles and the teach would always have to do it.
But the thing is everyone has hang ups about their body. Don't let it stop you from living the life you want to live.
I often get that moment in the mirror before I go somewhere where I think 'you can't go outside, you look a mess, people will look down on you, they think you are gross' and I have to ask myself if I'm prepared to give up on all the things I want to do just because there's some risk someone might think negatively about my body/appearance.
Life is too short to waste your time hiding away.
Anyone who judges you is a twat. And if a man reacts badly he's a twat. So really he's showing his true colours which is a favour to you so you don't waste your time on a shallow idiot.
90% of the time tho it will be fine.. not one single man I've been intimate with in my entire life has ever commented negatively on my skin. And I've dated some arseholes. And I've got really bad skin.

OP my DP has psoriasis and he had a huge (about the size of a side plate) patch on his chest, as well as nearly as large areas on his back. Being a) stubborn b) a man and c) someone who works very long hours, he hasn’t seen a doctor about it…at all…ever. It was very red, itchy and uncomfortable. We were looking into paying for him to see a dermatologist privately, but in the meantime I suggested using a product called Skin Stuff that I had in the house for my eczema. He applied it twice a day and it started clearing immediately, and within 6 months it had gone completely, literally no trace of where it had been. I took photos of it every couple of weeks and the rapid improvement from one photo to the next was unbelievable. Definitely worth a go, it’s completely natural so won’t do you any harm.

As an aside, I love him and fancy the pants off of him, with or without psoriasis.

Yeah… in the heat of the moment no man is going to notice a few patches of skin. Seriously I tried that ‘hack’ of wearing ugly undies on a first date and for the record nobody ever said “woah! Put those granny panties back on I’m not going through with this”

if someone I was interested in and had sex with had critiques of the randomness that is my body… I never heard about it and a good time was had by all.

Stop waiting for you to think you’re perfect… that’s a lot of wasted life.

I had a mild small-patch psoriasis.
After reading of the beneficial effects of UV light on psoriasis, I started going to sunbeds (DIY light therapy). Not to get tanned, just mere 4-5 minutes twice a week. The patches I had on my torso were gone within a month.
I now make sure I don't avoid sun on my bare skin completely. There is such a thing as too much and also too little.

Yes. I’ve used steroid creams all my life for eczema. 50+ years. I use the strongest you can get on prescription. I haven’t had any adverse effects.

For the last couple of years I started taking a vitamin D supplement and it’s really cleared my skin, so I’m using less steroid creams. I’ve read that vitamin D helps psoriasis too.

I also had problems with Mirena coil. My eczema was so bad on my hands that I could barely move them. My DH doesn’t care - the good ones don’t.

Haha! I did exactly the same thing 😀. I asked him why he was on a date with a bearded woman with warts and cottage cheese legs (wart on wrist and knee!) He laughed too and raised me his flaky scalp and weird lump on his elbow.

We now laughingly refer to our "horrible bodies" when talking about the stuff that people can be so ashamed of but can't do much about.

This guy will not notice a small few patches. I've had psoriasis all my life and at some stages I've looked like a red and white dalmatian all over my body. Never stopped men finding me attractive.

I will look for this thank you. Where would I buy it? Sounds amazing!

I've agreed he can come around tomorrow night to see me for a coffee and catch up. I have to try. Thank you for all the encouragement.

This is it, and it’s on offer at the moment so a good time to buy. It smells a bit weird but it is amazing stuff, was also great on my eczema. DP didn’t need to see a doctor in the end because this cleared it completely, he wasn’t using anything else alongside it so it was definitely down to this.

www.stinky-stuff.co.uk/skinstuff/

Light treatment clears it when Im on it but it comes back when I stop I self medicated with sunbeds but was told to stop for obvious reasons.

I'm now on apremilast and it's worked so well for me.

I think unless you suffer from it it's a hard thing to understand how it affects your self esteem. I'm like a fucking Dalmatian at the moment and feel really guilty for not wanting to go swimming because of it. The steroid creams are annoying greasy stick to everything like shit to a blanket and soon as I stop I flare up even worse than before. Just been referred for light treatment but I'll be taking myself for the odd sunbed while I wait because it's honestly unbearable and I know sunshine really helps me but there isn't any in England.