AIBU speaking to the nursery about another child's illness?

FunFinch · 2024-12-05T09:06:03+00:00

As the title suggests we seem to be suffering with multiple nursery illnesses. My DD is 18 months old and has been going to nursery for 6 months, 3 days a week DD started with the usual illnesses pretty quick coughs, colds hand foot and mouth. I accept this is part and parcel of nursery and will boost her immune system however as we have no other childcare me and my partner have had to take alot of time off work, again this is an annoyance but was expected the first year at nursery My gripe is, in October she started developing what I assumed was a dummy rash, I noticed a child with a rash around their mouth but it was 10x worse and was very scabby and sore looking. Well suprise suprise my DD woke up the next day to something very similar, we went to the drs and were given antibiotics and advised we had to keep her off nursery until it cleared as it was highly contagious. After a week I took her back and the same child was sat there with the rash looking even bigger and more painful. I commented to one of the staff members it was similar to what we had and maybe they should advise the parents to go to the drs as it was highly contagious. So fast forward to this morning, I do drop off and the same child has either what looked like a cold sore or the same rash forming again on his mouth. AIBU if I speak to the nursery and ask if whatever he has is contagious? I just dont want my DD catching the rash or a cold sore and being so poorly again if it can be avoided to an extent

WhamBamThankU · 05/12/2024 09:13

They won't discuss another child's medical issues with you.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 05/12/2024 09:20

They shouldn't be discussing another child with you in that way, but if they know something is contagious they should be sending the child home and not allowing them back until they're no longer contagious. You've flagged the potential issue it's up to the nursery what they do now. If they regularly let contagious kids come in to nursery it might be a good idea to look around for one that has a different approach to this issue.

CovertPiggery · 05/12/2024 09:23

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 05/12/2024 09:20

They shouldn't be discussing another child with you in that way, but if they know something is contagious they should be sending the child home and not allowing them back until they're no longer contagious. You've flagged the potential issue it's up to the nursery what they do now. If they regularly let contagious kids come in to nursery it might be a good idea to look around for one that has a different approach to this issue.

I agree.

It might be time to look for a new nursery if they're not going to protect the kids by sending ones with contagious illnesses home.

somuchtodonextyear · 05/12/2024 09:27

Most childhood illnesses once you've had it you don't get it again (colds and sickness the exception obviously) so may be unlikely your child will catch whatever this other child has

(I have a child who was seriously unwell in hospital for several weeks after catching a fairly innocent bug going around nursery so I do understand your point but you can't police two dozen or more other parents)

Moveoverdarlin · 05/12/2024 09:33

It’s so frustrating. I visited my child’s primary school the other week for a little workshop the year 1s were doing. One child coughed constantly for the full hour we were there. An awful hacking cough and the child was just constantly drinking water and then spluttering the water out where he’d cough and couldn’t manage to swallow. If that were my child I would have 100 percent kept them off school. I didn’t have the balls to do it but I really wanted to ask the teacher ‘In your opinion, do you think Freddy is well enough to be in school? Just because if that was my DC I’d keep them at home, but I don’t want to be keeping them off school unnecessarily?

Lo and behold the next week which was half term my child was ill the whole week with the same hacking cough.

Delorian · 05/12/2024 09:36

If it's impetigo you can send child in 24 hours after starting antibiotics for it. So it could well be this child is fine to be circulating among the masses.

YellowHatt · 05/12/2024 09:39

They may have been to the drs, the nursery aren’t going to tell you that. As annoying as it is you’ve already done what you can. You can try and catch the parent at pick up/drop off?

habgsidldjsbeudbsbsgdjebej · 05/12/2024 09:39

Perhaps this child is not contagious?
My child had hand foot and mouth and for 5-6 months they had a rash that looked sore but wasn't all over their face and people would give me funny looks . I kept taking them back to the doctor and the doctor just said some kids skin can take ages to clear up but they are not contagious

Original poster

FunFinch · 06/12/2024 08:27

Thanks everyone for your comments. I will see how we get one but may look next term for a different nursery if things don't seem to improve but not sure if we will be faced with the same issues. Just tired of DD always being poorly 🙈

OP posts:

Pherian · 10/12/2024 21:02

I think at this stage it’s a pretty clear sign of neglect on the parent’s part of the child who continues to get ill or is staying ill. They clearly aren’t receiving medical attention that they need if they have a contagious disease.

Id move nursery but I’d also find out if there is somewhere you can report it, like child services.

DarkAndTwisties · 10/12/2024 21:08

FunFinch · 06/12/2024 08:27

Thanks everyone for your comments. I will see how we get one but may look next term for a different nursery if things don't seem to improve but not sure if we will be faced with the same issues. Just tired of DD always being poorly 🙈

Different nurseries have different levels of strictness about illness, but none of them will talk to you about another child.

My DD frequently came out in a rash that if you saw, you'd think she shouldn't be in nursery. But we'd had it checked by the GP (several times, as it kept recurring), and they said it wasn't contagious, and the nursery were happy. If another parent had seen and said something, they may well have assumed the nursery were ignoring them if they saw my DD still attending. This child you saw might be on antibiotics already and so allowed in.

GreenFields07 · 10/12/2024 21:19

YABU. You have absolutely no idea what action the nursery / parents have taken about it. Its possible the childs illness is no longer contagious and is fine to be there. My DD caught slapped cheek recently, apparently thats not actually contagious once the red sores come out, its before when invisible that its contagious. So how are you supposed to keep them off for the contagious period when its not showing symptoms!
You have to just accept that this is part of nursery life and once their immune system strengthens it should ease off. But speaking to nursery about another childs illnesses is uncalled for and not really your business, unless you know for a fact the child is being neglected and untreated.

Waffle19 · 10/12/2024 21:52

habgsidldjsbeudbsbsgdjebej · 05/12/2024 09:39

Perhaps this child is not contagious?
My child had hand foot and mouth and for 5-6 months they had a rash that looked sore but wasn't all over their face and people would give me funny looks . I kept taking them back to the doctor and the doctor just said some kids skin can take ages to clear up but they are not contagious

This, my youngest son didn’t shift HFM for months.

Bettergetthebunker · 10/12/2024 21:56

Pherian · 10/12/2024 21:02

I think at this stage it’s a pretty clear sign of neglect on the parent’s part of the child who continues to get ill or is staying ill. They clearly aren’t receiving medical attention that they need if they have a contagious disease.

Id move nursery but I’d also find out if there is somewhere you can report it, like child services.

This has to be a joke

Nano234 · 10/12/2024 22:09

This sounds like impitigo, common in children around the face and it is contagious. The nursery should be sending the child home and if I was you I would raise that with the nursery.

Noglitterallowed · 10/12/2024 22:24

If they do tell you any info on this child you need to find a new nursery as they 100% shouldn’t be!! My daughter has lots of medical issues and if I found out this was discussed with another parent I would take this as high as possible

Noglitterallowed · 10/12/2024 22:26

Pherian · 10/12/2024 21:02

I think at this stage it’s a pretty clear sign of neglect on the parent’s part of the child who continues to get ill or is staying ill. They clearly aren’t receiving medical attention that they need if they have a contagious disease.

Id move nursery but I’d also find out if there is somewhere you can report it, like child services.

Are you off your tits?? Really?

Calliopespa · 10/12/2024 22:28

somuchtodonextyear · 05/12/2024 09:27

Most childhood illnesses once you've had it you don't get it again (colds and sickness the exception obviously) so may be unlikely your child will catch whatever this other child has

(I have a child who was seriously unwell in hospital for several weeks after catching a fairly innocent bug going around nursery so I do understand your point but you can't police two dozen or more other parents)

Cold sores - if that’s what it is - can be dangerous to babies, and I expect there will be lots of baby siblings, friends etc in a nursery community.

The nursery ought to act on it; they can do this without discussing it with op.

lochmaree · 10/12/2024 22:31

Moveoverdarlin · 05/12/2024 09:33

It’s so frustrating. I visited my child’s primary school the other week for a little workshop the year 1s were doing. One child coughed constantly for the full hour we were there. An awful hacking cough and the child was just constantly drinking water and then spluttering the water out where he’d cough and couldn’t manage to swallow. If that were my child I would have 100 percent kept them off school. I didn’t have the balls to do it but I really wanted to ask the teacher ‘In your opinion, do you think Freddy is well enough to be in school? Just because if that was my DC I’d keep them at home, but I don’t want to be keeping them off school unnecessarily?

Lo and behold the next week which was half term my child was ill the whole week with the same hacking cough.

My eldest is on week 6 of a horrendous hacking cough but otherwise mostly ok, he's been in school, I can't keep him off that long if he's well enough in himself. (Seen nurse on week 3 and will do again tomorrow)

stichguru · 10/12/2024 23:06

I would mention it to nursery as a "my child has been off with a rash just like child Xs and we were told by the doctor it was highly contagious and (my child) should not be at nursery until it has cleared."

You mention it.
They say something like "we are aware of Xs condition thank you".

That can mean:
"We thought it was non-contagious, but now your kid is ill, we will bring it up with the parent."
"We were politely ignoring it, but if other parents are annoyed, we'll talk to the parents about what it is and whether X needs to be off."
"We know that X has a big, NON-Contagious rash. e.g. chews his lips incessantly, maybe due to a disability, and that causes the rash. So there's nothing we need to do."

It would obviously to say "X must not be in nursery with that rash" because X might be fine to be in nursery with that rash.
It would obviously be wrong to spread rumours about how bad the nursery is for allowing infectious children to attend, get other parents to remove their kids, or because you are only guessing the child is infectious, but you don't need to do that just because you've mentioned it.

Pherian · 11/12/2024 09:36

Noglitterallowed · 10/12/2024 22:26

Are you off your tits?? Really?

Show quote history

Nope not off my tits. And yes, really.

If your child is ill then take them for treatment and keep them home while they are contagious and recovering.

If that’s unreasonable for you to do that because excuses - maybe think of the financial impact it has for the responsible parents who actually take care of their children. Think of the impact to the child who is not getting the required medical care and rest.

KarmenPQZ · 11/12/2024 09:46

Almost all illness are contagious before symptoms show. So keeping an otherwise well child off school or nursery just because they might be contagious is ridicolous. Unless it’s a notifiable disease or the child is actually poorly and should be in bed then children should be in nursery / school.

Kitkat1523 · 11/12/2024 09:56

FunFinch · 06/12/2024 08:27

Thanks everyone for your comments. I will see how we get one but may look next term for a different nursery if things don't seem to improve but not sure if we will be faced with the same issues. Just tired of DD always being poorly 🙈

Any nursery will be the same….its just the way it is…..you can only be responsible for your own behaviour not other parents 🤷

Kitkat1523 · 11/12/2024 09:57

Pherian · 10/12/2024 21:02

I think at this stage it’s a pretty clear sign of neglect on the parent’s part of the child who continues to get ill or is staying ill. They clearly aren’t receiving medical attention that they need if they have a contagious disease.

Id move nursery but I’d also find out if there is somewhere you can report it, like child services.

🤣🤣🤣 comedian on the thread🙄

Pherian · 11/12/2024 10:22

Kitkat1523 · 11/12/2024 09:57

🤣🤣🤣 comedian on the thread🙄

Show quote history

🫣💩 unfit parent who doesn’t take care of their children 💩💩💩💩🤣 that’s you 👍