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AIBU?

to move DS into his own room so DH can move back into our room?

166 replies

2point4kids · 29/04/2008 21:13

DS2 is 10 weeks old now. He is sleeping in a moses basket beside my bed.
DH has to get up early for work so has been sleeping downstairs in the spare room every week night so he doesnt get disturbed and be tired for work.
He generally sleeps up in our room at the weekend and I sleep downstairs to get a break!

DS is down to 1 night feed now but its probably gonna still be quite some time before he sleeps through..

I'm thinking of moving him into his own room soon so that DH and I can both sleep in the same room again...
I know you are supposed to keep them in with you till 6 months old but...It feels like we never see each other at the moment! he isnt home from work till about 8/8.30pm and I am usually in bed by 9pm (knackered!)

AIBU?

OP posts:

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smellypits · 30/04/2008 17:57

My DH had to get up at 5:30-6am each day for work. DD used to wake between 2-5 times a night.

He would not have dreamed of leaving our room on a permanent basis, just the odd night he would go on the couch, and the odd night I woud.

DD woke at 6:30-7am herself, and I would look after her while DH was at work, so, why should he get to sleep a significant amount more than me?!!

I would get up, bring baby to bed BF while DH slept a little longer, then he would change nappy while I went back to sleep (or tried to!) , until DD was about 3 months old, then he would do this at weekends and the odd time at night.

DD stayed with us until 7-8 months old and even then DH was sad about her moving!

I guess, different families, different circumstances, desires and expectations.

MissingMyHeels · 30/04/2008 17:59

I don't think anyone is suggesting that he doesn't sleep - just that it's more important for baby to be in the room than it is DH.

If he can't sleep through or cope with any disturbance then I personally would tell him to stay in the spare room.

Could he come to bed with you at 9 and then go to spare room to sleep?

pointydog · 30/04/2008 18:01

Why should he get more sleep?

Well I always found it much easier to wander around looking half-dead and unable to hold a decent conversation when at the house with small children than when working.

DEpends on the job I suppose.

VacantlyPretty · 30/04/2008 18:05

Message withdrawn

MissingMyHeels · 30/04/2008 18:08

and he isn't being asked to get up/make a bottle/change a nappy etc

pointydog · 30/04/2008 18:12

His sleep is being disturbed. He has to go to work and carry out his job as usual.

Why should two people lose sleep when only one has to?

VacantlyPretty · 30/04/2008 18:21

Message withdrawn

mumblechum · 30/04/2008 18:42

We didn't have either of our kids in the room as babies, but as soon as one woke up I'd take him downstairs as quietly as poss, feed him & get him back to bed, trying really hard not to wake dh up.

If I'd been working full time and he wasn't working at all I'd have expected the same courtesy.

You can have a nap in the day when you're home with a newborn, but you can't if you're working. Simple as that.

MissingMyHeels · 30/04/2008 19:05

pointy - then he should stay where he is in the spare room. Working mothers often have sleep disturbed and have to get up etc. It IS possible to function at work if you wake once in the night.

I don't think he should have to get up or be woken incidentally but IMO moving the baby isn't the right solution.

Hulababy · 30/04/2008 19:15

As I wrked when DD was quite little - had to go back at 5 months - I am well aware of what it is like to work on a disturbed night's sleep. DD didn't sleep through until she was 20 month's time. You manage, simple as that. And I had a job that needed me to be on the ball too - teaching. But I did it, and I coped.

If you are happy to be the one doing it all, fiar enough. Luckily I didn't have to be in that situation - my Dh helped lots, day and night.

tinton · 30/04/2008 19:16

Hi 2.4, our 13 week dd is now also only waking for 1 night feed so dh is back in the bedroom having decamped to the spare room during the week. TBH i suggested the move to the spare room. This has really been done to death in the posts but, as was the case for you, it made life easier for me and easier for him.... no sinister sexist undertones behind it (as far as I'm aware anyway ). AGree with mumblechum, If I had been back at work and so unable to take daytime naps then it would have been a different story. Stick to what you think is best for you and your DP and DS re your sleeping arrangements and don't feel bad if, having weighed up the pros and cons/risks, you do decide to move ds to his own room

pointydog · 30/04/2008 19:25

ahh, if the mum's working as well that's a different story. Then of course, they share waking in the night.

pointydog · 30/04/2008 19:26

and if the mum is not working but the dad is, I'd expect the mum to do week wakes and the dad to give her sleep at weekends. All nice and sensible and equal as it can be.

Hulababy · 30/04/2008 19:39

Am I only one who was just unable to nap during the day? I found it impossible. I just spent 20 months shattered, as did DH!

pointydog · 30/04/2008 19:52

I couldn't nap during the day. Just not able to.

VacantlyPretty · 30/04/2008 20:03

Message withdrawn

mehdismummy · 30/04/2008 20:24

my ds has always co slept from birth only really went into into a cot at 10 months and then he came in with me when i went to bed. i never shared with h as he smokes so would not risk it, anyway h slept through a massive earthquake in his own country! he only hears ds if i am at work in evenings

BabyValentine · 30/04/2008 20:53

YANBU.

My DD went into her own room at 13ish weeks - twas tremendous, even though she was still up 2-4 times a night and BFed. The lack of snuffling did wonders for mine and DH's sleep. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

Caz10 · 30/04/2008 21:07

just a thought re the co-sleeping/SIDS etc...not a dig or anything just wondering...def not a dig in fact as I have just done this! DD goes down 7.30ish - some nights like tonight I am back and forth to her settling and re-settling - other times she goes straight to sleep, and it can be a couple of hours before I come through to be - presumably not all co-sleepers go to bed with their LOs, so there is an "at-risk" period then, just as if they were sleeping separately?

CilC · 30/04/2008 21:48

I would not move baby but would move DH!!! Don't you both work every day looking after your baby? You are both parents, you go through these things together.
Sorry I have gone back to work full time since DD and I maintain being a SAHM is just if not more demanding. There is no way I would let my DH sleep anywhere else! I had DD in my room for the first 3 months while she had a night feed at 11.00. After that she slept right through and so we moved her into her own room and cot.

GinGirl · 30/04/2008 22:33

Only read first page of posts so apologies for repeating anything...
DD 7 months old, still in with us and will be until she no longer feeds at night - am with Cappuccino on this, much easier, quicker and quieter to have her nearby.

Am v at 10 week old having only one night feed as DD still having two on a good night! Mind you, I can breastfeed mostly asleep these days!

Much like Awen, we co-slept initially then moved DD into bedside cot (which I love and adore) where she remains. Side up when first put down on her own, when I go up to bed, side slides under and cot gets pulled up to me!

flossish · 01/05/2008 06:57

DD is still in our room in a bedside cot. She's been erm, interesting at night. I am hoping that things are improving. She usually wakes at sometime between 10 and 12, although the past couple of nights I've managed to give her dream feeds. She now usually wakes at 4/5 ish for a BF. However she often wakes earlier than that and comes into our bed for a snuggle and usually remains... its so nice though to have her there, turn over to her and breath in that lovely baby smell...

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barbiehouse · 01/05/2008 07:31

I don't think its unreasonable for your husband to be in a separate room at the moment. i felt a lot more relaxed feeding at night if i felt i could make a bit of noise/put the light on if necessary etc. i also frequently fell asleep whilst bf, and wouldn't have felt comfortable bringing the baby into bed whilst my dh was sleeping incase he lay on it. I think it also depends on your dp's job to an extent - mine had long commutes in car, so i would worry sick if he was very tired, and if his tiredness could put lives at risk it should be a consideration

headlesschicken · 01/05/2008 14:43

Mine is still in my room at 20 months (shock horror). Why a problem? PS Haven't moved her because haven't got round to it not because think is what you have to do. Don't most partners seem to sleep through whatever they don't want to wake up for...?

mustsleep · 01/05/2008 15:04

my dh actually took it in turns with me to do the night feed

and has said this time that he will soley do the night feed as i will be at home with him all day and both the other two were colicy and cried all day long. anyway he would rather i do the early morning feed so he can get some last min sleep in befor work

we will have baby in our room at least until he is one as we only have a two bed house and we dn;t want ds and dd getting woken up

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