to move DS into his own room so DH can move back into our room?

[2point4kids]

DS2 is 10 weeks old now. He is sleeping in a moses basket beside my bed.
DH has to get up early for work so has been sleeping downstairs in the spare room every week night so he doesnt get disturbed and be tired for work.
He generally sleeps up in our room at the weekend and I sleep downstairs to get a break!

DS is down to 1 night feed now but its probably gonna still be quite some time before he sleeps through..

I'm thinking of moving him into his own room soon so that DH and I can both sleep in the same room again...
I know you are supposed to keep them in with you till 6 months old but...It feels like we never see each other at the moment! he isnt home from work till about 8/8.30pm and I am usually in bed by 9pm (knackered!)

AIBU?

[rey]

Just do what works for you as a family. You all need to get as much sleep as possible. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and if dh has to earn the money he must be able to function. You need to get as good a night as possible to care for yourself and baby. I repeat, do what works for you as a family. This time passes by quickly.

[JodieG1]

Always kept them with me for at least the 6 months and longer. We all co-slept at first but when ds2 started getting more mobile I moved into the spare room with him.

He's now 15 months and I still sleep with him and bf about 3-4 times every night. Haven't had a full night's sleep since I was about mid pregnancy. Before that I was up with the other kids too so it's been a while!

[krang]

'I wish I was a more relaxed person to be honest but for reasons unknown I am terrified of SIDS.'

I sympathise, but please don't assume that everyone who doesn't do exactly the same as you doesn't care about the health of their children.

[BouncingTurtle]

My Dh has never not slept with me since ds was born.
Ds is nearly 18 weeks and wakes up at least 2-3 times for a feed, most of which DH sleeps through.
My Dh has a full time job and has an hour's travel each way, so I think your DH is a bit of a wuss. I think if you can have your ds in with you for the first 6 months, you should.

[VacantlyPretty]

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[Spink]

hello VP, sorry, I've not read all of this soa pologies if I'm repeating...

my question would be - if you do decide to follow the SIDS advice and keep ds in with you til he is 6 months, at what point will dh come back to sleep with you? If you're waiting for ds to sleep through, you might be waiting a long time.. (our ds slept through at 8 months).
Are you prepared to sleep apart for that long? and if not, what other solutions can you and dh come up with that mean both ds & dh are in the room with you?

dh and I decided that, for us, sleeping in the same bed was really important, but we also wanted ds with us (in a crib next to the bed). I got used to feeding and nappy changing in the dark, dh got used to (often a short) disturbance in his sleep, and chose to sleep in the other room only when he was v tired or had a particularly big day ahead. I guess to a certain extent you have to expect broken sleep when you're the parents of a newborn.. it does change, but it is part of the deal, imho..

[Spink]

I meant OP not VP, sorry!!

[TheFallenMadonna]

Sleeping in the same bed was our intimacy for a good while after our children were born. I would have hated it if DH had slapt elsewhere. I wouldn't have moved the baby into another room (too lazy apart from anything else), but I am rather surprised at all these Princess and the Pea-type DHs

[MrsPuddleduck]

With DS1 he went into his own bedroom at about 8 weeks as he outgrew the moses basket and couldn't sleep but I worried about him all the time.

DS2 I bought a crib and he stayed in with me for the full six months. DH shipped out (and took his snoring with him!) and I quite enjoyed just me and him at night.

Whichever decision you make it will be right for you and your DH which is what is important at the end of the day.

[bergentulip]

Well, I have, with both babies, put them into a cot at about 3mths, possibly sooner- ie, in their own room. Now sharing and DS2 5mths.
Partly because both grew pretty bloomin' quickly and got too big for the moses basket, and partly because I don't get a decent night sleep if I have them in the bed with me.
Also, you can ignore the whiny cries better at 3 in the morning if they are not lying a cm from your eardrum!

I do have to get out of bed when DS2 wakes and go into the room and sort him out, but it's really not that far! I hardly live in a mansion, and I'm normally back in my nice warm bed 5 - 20mins later.

Works for us. I don't worry about SIDS. As far as I am concerned, surely SIDS is a silent death(?), so how would it change things if the baby was lying next to me in the basket? I would still be asleep unaware
Genuinely, interested here, why does it help prevent SIDS to have the baby in the room with you?

[bergentulip]

(children sharing a room I mean, in first sentence)

[glaskham]

DS was in our room till 10mths, and DD was in till 3mths, both worked for us, DH learnt to sleep through the breastfeeding, but we did co-sleep a lot, they'd always go down in their moses basket, then when they woke forthe first feed i'm move them into my bed, then i'd probably dose off and they'd wake me a few hrs later for their next feed!!

DH would never dream of moving out of the bedroom as that was OUR bed, and DS/DD were going to move into their own room sooner or later, he had to cope with the little wimpers till i woke up and fed them thats all!!

[bergentulip]

surely getting out of bed and walking across the landing once or twice is better than not being able to share the bed with your DH?
That's our feeling anyway. It can often be the only bit of intimacy you get as a couple in the first few months.

Can't he just stick a pillow over his head if the noise is bothering him?

[Spink]

bergentulip - I'm not sure about this, but think that the reason SIDS risk is lower if baby is in the room with parents is that hearing the adults breathing help regulate baby's breathing (on an unconscious level of course!)

[bergentulip]

argh! I keep not making sense- not over the baby's head, obviously! His own head!! That's what my DH does anyway.

[MrsTittleMouse]

DH and I slept in the same room even when DD had her 4 month growth spurt and was up every 1 to 1 and a half hours in the night and DH had just started a new job.

[bergentulip]

thanks spink, interesting.

[TantieTowie]

My DH sleeps through all night wakings - whether DS is in the same bed or his own room. Other people have told me that's true for them too. Sleeping all in the same room doesn't have to mean wakeful nights all round...

[krang]

'I just wonder why someone would double the risk of SIDS to their child through a choice.'

Because, even if this one action does 'double the risk', (which I have not been able to find any stats for) it is still:

a. an incredibly small risk
b. just one of many other risk factors.

You take a risk every time you take your baby outside, or in the car. You weigh up the pros and cons and decide it's worth it. Simple, really.

[PinkGlitterFairy]

YABU
I agree with VacantlyPretty, def not a drama queen. SIDS is a silent killer, baby won't scream out to warn you.
The first few month/year pass quickly and it is a small sacrifice to miss out on some sleep and having baby in the same room is a natural need for mother and baby for at least 6 months/ a year.
Sorry to hear that some mothers were unwell with PND but that is a different matter.

[Caz10]

This is from Dr Sears - he advocates "sleep sharing" which does not necessarily mean co-sleeping, but just sleeping close by:

Mother fills in a missing ingredient. In the early months, much of a baby's night is spent in active sleep? the state in which babies are most easily aroused. As we discussed previously, this state may "protect" the infant against stop-breathing episodes. From one to six months, the time of primary concern about SIDS, the percentage of active sleep decreases, and quiet, or deeper, sleep increases. More deep sleep means that babies start to sleep through the night. That's the good news. The concern, however, is that as baby learns to sleep deeper, it is more difficult for him to arouse when there is an apnea episode, and the risk of SIDS increases. By six months, the baby's cardiopulmonary regulating system has matured enough that the breathing centers in the brain are better able to restart breathing, even in deep sleep. But there is a vulnerable period between one and six months when the sleep is deepening, yet the compensatory mechanisms are not yet mature. During the time baby is at risk, mother fills in. In fact, mother sleeps like a baby until the baby is mature enough to sleep like an adult. That warm body next to baby acts as a breathing pacemaker, sort of reminding baby to breathe, until the baby's self-start mechanisms can handle the job on their own

[chefswife]

My dh works on average, 90 hours a week in a hot fine dining kitchen as head chef. If he needs to sleep in another room when baby comes, then so be it. I work from home and can fit it in whenever possible and make my own deadlines. Besides, after almost 18 years, I would love to have the bed to myself. I am worried more about my lack of sleep. I am fully aware that it will occur, but I am an extremely light sleeper and once awake, will take at least 2 hours to go back to sleep. I don?t remember the last time I?ve slept completely though? been many, many years. Your DH has certainly taken a beating here 2.3. By your original post, it sounds like what you are doing is working but you were just looking for some feedback, not a roasting. DH gives you a break at weekends? that awesome. Because of what my hubby does for me now, without kids, I know he will be a very supportive partner in raising them.

From all the readings I?ve been doing in what to expect with pregnancy, birth and raising children, there seems to be a lot of info that is mostly scare tactics. SIDS is very recent testing. My sisters and I were all in our own room from day 1 and we all survived. People really need to stop being so paranoid. As a human race, we got this far without all this information on how to raise baby.

[VacantlyPretty]

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[VacantlyPretty]

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