to move DS into his own room so DH can move back into our room?

[2point4kids]

DS2 is 10 weeks old now. He is sleeping in a moses basket beside my bed.
DH has to get up early for work so has been sleeping downstairs in the spare room every week night so he doesnt get disturbed and be tired for work.
He generally sleeps up in our room at the weekend and I sleep downstairs to get a break!

DS is down to 1 night feed now but its probably gonna still be quite some time before he sleeps through..

I'm thinking of moving him into his own room soon so that DH and I can both sleep in the same room again...
I know you are supposed to keep them in with you till 6 months old but...It feels like we never see each other at the moment! he isnt home from work till about 8/8.30pm and I am usually in bed by 9pm (knackered!)

AIBU?

[Poohbah]

I have no suggestions other than I am really grateful that you posted, I am in a similar postion and therefore am not the only one.

[Bikergoose]

I evicted my DD after a month, I am the light sleeper. She has only ever woken once at night when I was feeding and I had it down to 20 minutes after feeding I'd wrap her and she could do what she liked in her own bed. Often she would be muttering for an hour and then fall asleep, the hubby sleeps through it all. Now she is 7 months and I'm at work she is on bottles. When we go to bed I give her a bottle and she sleeps through. My husband refuses to sleep anywhere else, which suits me, I can't easily kick him out of bed in the morning when she wakes up.

[Lazycow]

Also for those of you who co-sleep and say 'oh just feed them and they go back to sleep', no bother have forgotten that in the very early few weeks the baby often needs changing after every feed.

Well ds did anway so the 'quick feed' (of which there were at least 2 a night) always took at least 1 hour. Ds would feed for at least 45 mins, then he needed changing which involved warm water and flannels etc. I personally would put the light on and listen to a book on cd to pass the time. In addition ds would usually be crying anyway regardless of the feed.

After about 3 months old this did get better and the night changes were far less frquent but at first they made the wakes ups a real pain.

[Hellsbells82]

My OH has slept in our loft conversion since I was pregnant!! He's a light sleeper and my constant tossing and turning kept him awake then, since our 13 weeks old baby was born he's only slept with us a couple of times, she snuffles, grunts, farts, shuffles, bangs her arms etc ALL NIGHT and he can't sleep for this reason, plus the feeds(she takes an hour to feed and has breast and the bottle afterwards to top her up which i go downstairs to make, so it's a fairly noisy affair), after her 5/6am feed she won't go back in her crib but will sleep with me, he constantly tosses and turns (and has clouted me a few times) so there's no way I would let him sleep in bed with my daughter, so he sleeps upstairs with his ear plugs in (as he still used to wake when she woke on the next floor)

At night I go upto his bed for a bit which works out great for being "intimate" as i just can't feel that way inclined with DD snuffling away, in the mornings he comes in and gets into bed with us both for a cuddle with our little one before he goes to work.

For us it's a great arrangement, we both get a more relaxed night and i can have the lights on/crash about etc without worrying about him.

[unemaman]

Breastfeeding does make noise! There is all of the movement of getting the baby attached, setting up all of the pillow, pouring and drinking water in my case when nursing. We moved our daughter to her own room at three weeks as she was such a loud sleeper! Grunting, turning, murmuring and she slept through the night at six weeks. She was fed on demand for the first six months so please don't think that your child sleeping in their own bed denies them attachment parenting.
Now, at the age of three, she still falls asleep in our bed (on her own) and then we move her to her own bed.
When I was nursing at night my partner slept in the office. Two exhausted parents is a gift to no one. He took care of feeding us and I fed her.

[hellymelly]

do babies really make so much noise?my 12m old sleeps with me,DH and our other three year old daughter.I am the only one who wakes when the baby does,I plonk her on the breast,she goes back to sleep.I am the only knackered one!She hardly ever really cries,only if teething or something.Co sleeping is so easy and so nice!

[angelene]

My DD is 2 and a half and my husband has been in the spare room since a few days after we came home from hospital with her (snoring waking up baby). While I was on mat leave this seemed like a decent enough arrangement, now I've been back at work for 18 mths or so I'm less enthralled by it and we are having more and more arguments about it - none of which result in him taking his turn tbh.

DD had marathon teething and now seems to have nightmares and it's just easier to bring her into bed with me (especially when I have to do 4 hours driving the following day).

I know it's all wrong and that she doesn't know that mummies and daddies are supposed to sleep together, but now she's in a bed rather than a cot I just have absolutely no idea what to do about it (we did controlled crying at 6mths which worked brilliantly until I went back to work at 11mths; tried it again and she seemed to be scared - she has a very active mind and is also rather sensitive).

I do get weekend lie-ins but once again now that spring is here I will have to sacrifice these for him to play golf, otherwise he'll waste the money he's paid on his membership that he didn't discuss with me.

[Lazycow]

I can't believe all these negative comments about the OP's dh. He does weekend night feeds, is generally helpful etc.

My dh slept in other rooms for periods of time while ds was a baby. This was because ds woke A LOT and he also cried A LOT and was difficult to pacify. Sleeping through it was often not really an option even if dh wasn't a very light sleeper which he is.

Dh also often had to get up at 5am to get to work. That 5am start was combined with a long drive and dh was newly qualified and nervous driver at that time. I was frankly more terrified he'd have an accident from lack of sleep than anything else. In addition to all this I had a few nights where I had just settled ds for him to be woken by dh getting up at 5am.

So in the first few weeks he slept in another room a lot of the time.

When ds was 8 weeks old I put him in his own room as I was struggling to sleep. Then at 3 months old I started co-sleeping with ds as his sleep had deteriorated again and dh slept in another room in the week and did the nights (except the breastfeeding) at the weekends.

By 7 months old ds went back to a cot in his room as that seemed to make hi sleep better.
All in all we just muddled through which most people do.

dh and I are now back in the same bed almost all the time but if ds (now 3yrs old) gets very ill and needs us in the night we still 'take turns' getting up to him by taking a night each so then we sleep in seperate rooms. That way both of us get some sleep.

I just thought musical beds was par for the course in most households with children.

[pa166]

Hi 2.4

I have never joined itnto a thread before today but after reading some of the responses from others , felt I had to.

Some of the people who have responded should be ashamed of themselves especially VP. You asked for advise not abuse. VP has a vile tongue and shouldn't judge like she has

You sound like a great mum and wife. YOU make the decision to move DS into his own room when it feels right for you and your family. Good luck x

[rumple]

I totally agree with Barbiehouse. This husband bashing just hasn't taken into account their safety. My husband is involved in flying at work and if he's tired he put himself and others in danger but this also applies to anyone who drives long distances or operates heavy machinery etc.
Sleeping separately in the working week bothers my husband much more than me, (as he's soppy and likes a cuddle). I actually find it a relief that I don't have to tip toe around him. My daughter is now over one and in the room opposite but he will still go in the spare room (he does use ear plugs which have also helped). My husband is just a much lighter sleeper and can get v grumpy through lack of sleep I however am a heavy sleeper and can get back to sleep more easily. Everyone is different and as a couple I feel we're a team and we'll get through these early years which ever way works for us and is the safest for all the family. I am actually quite scared by how many mothers are happy to have their husbands dead tired with no thought of the safety considerations for them and others. There's the sense of if I'm suffering you have to too, which is understandable. You can start to feel very resentful when up through the night alone with your baby & feeling exhausted but I don't agree about advocating this sentiment to others?!

[Josie]

Keep them in the bed with you for as long as you can. Realise that when you have a baby your sleep will be broken no matter where they sleep. If you do sleep training then they take the hit rather than you - that seems wrong. We are human and humans need the comfort of other humans. Especially at night. It's an individual thing and we all have different set-ups and will find a way that works but try to think of the impact of sleeping alone for the baby. They are conditioned to be frightened at night because that's when they're most vulnerable (not so much now obviously but they don't know that and are programmed the way they were thousands of years ago). If they are waking its because they need something and its parents job to provide that.

[Lumie]

DS, now 8 weeks, has slept in his own room from day one. For first 4 weeks DS shared his room with his maternity nurse. Since MN left and per MNs advice DS has remained in his own room which is next to ours, and we always leave the doors open. DS is doing really well and so are his parents. Often DH will do the one night feed with bottled breastmilk and DH does it because he wants to help/relieve me and have his own special time with DS. DH also works long hours so when he feels sleep deprived he will sleep in the spare room with the door shut. Once I tried to sleep in the nursery with DS and leave DH in our bed, I couldn't sleep because DS made all sorts of non crying noises.

[MINNIE1]

I went to the spare room with DD2.... HOLD ON
DD1 only turned 1 when DD2 was born so DP looked after DD1 as she was waking 1-2 a night with teeth, and i was looking after the DD2.. DD2 was sleeping through at 11 wks therefore i left her in the spare room (her room now) she slept better then DD1 and was a good baby.
All i can say is everyones situation is different and every baby is different. I would go with what feels right for you and your DH.

[onesmallkayak]

I have a husband and a son of 6 and a daughter of 4 and we sleep in a double bed and single bed pushed together. It is the cosiest thing imaginable. I love it.

[MamaMaiasaura]

my lo been waking loads now (blinking growth spurt ) but even if he woke up once I would still see to him. What is the point of waking dp up? He cant breastfeed ds. Also dp works extremely hard in order for me to be able to be home with baby. As for the day time sleeps, i wish, but baby isnt sleeping in day much either atm.

Gingirl - have cot by bed but ds2 wont sleep in it lol. Still co-sleeping and loving it.

[tyaca]

DH comes to bed with me then decamps to the sofa once LO wakes. he'd prob be able to sleep thru the feed itself, what would get his back up would be the fact i turn on the lamp and radio five. he loves the sofa to be fair because HE LIKES TO SLEEP WITH SKY SPORTS NEWS ON THE TV. just how f**ked up ia that? i now "make up" the sofa for him before i go to bed - complete with duvet and tv remote close by

[mustsleep]

my dh actually took it in turns with me to do the night feed

and has said this time that he will soley do the night feed as i will be at home with him all day and both the other two were colicy and cried all day long. anyway he would rather i do the early morning feed so he can get some last min sleep in befor work

we will have baby in our room at least until he is one as we only have a two bed house and we dn;t want ds and dd getting woken up

[headlesschicken]

Mine is still in my room at 20 months (shock horror). Why a problem? PS Haven't moved her because haven't got round to it not because think is what you have to do. Don't most partners seem to sleep through whatever they don't want to wake up for...?

[barbiehouse]

I don't think its unreasonable for your husband to be in a separate room at the moment. i felt a lot more relaxed feeding at night if i felt i could make a bit of noise/put the light on if necessary etc. i also frequently fell asleep whilst bf, and wouldn't have felt comfortable bringing the baby into bed whilst my dh was sleeping incase he lay on it. I think it also depends on your dp's job to an extent - mine had long commutes in car, so i would worry sick if he was very tired, and if his tiredness could put lives at risk it should be a consideration

[flossish]

DD is still in our room in a bedside cot. She's been erm, interesting at night. I am hoping that things are improving. She usually wakes at sometime between 10 and 12, although the past couple of nights I've managed to give her dream feeds. She now usually wakes at 4/5 ish for a BF. However she often wakes earlier than that and comes into our bed for a snuggle and usually remains... its so nice though to have her there, turn over to her and breath in that lovely baby smell...

[GinGirl]

Only read first page of posts so apologies for repeating anything...
DD 7 months old, still in with us and will be until she no longer feeds at night - am with Cappuccino on this, much easier, quicker and quieter to have her nearby.

Am v at 10 week old having only one night feed as DD still having two on a good night! Mind you, I can breastfeed mostly asleep these days!

Much like Awen, we co-slept initially then moved DD into bedside cot (which I love and adore) where she remains. Side up when first put down on her own, when I go up to bed, side slides under and cot gets pulled up to me!

[CilC]

I would not move baby but would move DH!!! Don't you both work every day looking after your baby? You are both parents, you go through these things together.
Sorry I have gone back to work full time since DD and I maintain being a SAHM is just if not more demanding. There is no way I would let my DH sleep anywhere else! I had DD in my room for the first 3 months while she had a night feed at 11.00. After that she slept right through and so we moved her into her own room and cot.

[Caz10]

just a thought re the co-sleeping/SIDS etc...not a dig or anything just wondering...def not a dig in fact as I have just done this! DD goes down 7.30ish - some nights like tonight I am back and forth to her settling and re-settling - other times she goes straight to sleep, and it can be a couple of hours before I come through to be - presumably not all co-sleepers go to bed with their LOs, so there is an "at-risk" period then, just as if they were sleeping separately?

[BabyValentine]

YANBU.

My DD went into her own room at 13ish weeks - twas tremendous, even though she was still up 2-4 times a night and BFed. The lack of snuffling did wonders for mine and DH's sleep. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

[mehdismummy]

my ds has always co slept from birth only really went into into a cot at 10 months and then he came in with me when i went to bed. i never shared with h as he smokes so would not risk it, anyway h slept through a massive earthquake in his own country! he only hears ds if i am at work in evenings