to move DS into his own room so DH can move back into our room?

[2point4kids]

DS2 is 10 weeks old now. He is sleeping in a moses basket beside my bed.
DH has to get up early for work so has been sleeping downstairs in the spare room every week night so he doesnt get disturbed and be tired for work.
He generally sleeps up in our room at the weekend and I sleep downstairs to get a break!

DS is down to 1 night feed now but its probably gonna still be quite some time before he sleeps through..

I'm thinking of moving him into his own room soon so that DH and I can both sleep in the same room again...
I know you are supposed to keep them in with you till 6 months old but...It feels like we never see each other at the moment! he isnt home from work till about 8/8.30pm and I am usually in bed by 9pm (knackered!)

AIBU?

[omy]

Do you really make up a bottle in the middle of the night? Poor you. My neighbour tells me she has a special bottle thermos so she can make up the bottle before going to bed and have it handy when the babe wakes. Also night light is a great idea. I would be wary of a full light in case the babe thinks it's time to get up!

[posieflump]

I used to have them ready made in the fridge and them plonk them in a jug of boiling water to heat up but I know that's not the advice these days . So even if mine had been in the same room and they had woken up I wouldn't have been reaching over to pick up and feed, I still would have had to come downstairs to heat up the milk

[2point4kids]

It just seems a bit pointless (to both of us... not just DH!) for both of us to be woken in the night when one of us can be getting a full nights sleep!

I think I will keep DS in with me for a while longer and see how it goes.

I dont think its a big deal for DS to be waking for one night feed at 10 weeks old. I know I'm pretty lucky there! Although I suppose you could call my DS1 the amazing sleeping baby - he slept through the night at 12 weeks! Now he is a hyperactive 2 year old, so I am pretty busy during the day as well!

[MamaMaiasaura]

right going to stick my neck out now. I think yabu in the sense that research into SIDS clearly states baby in with you for first 6 months and therefore they have done this research for a good reason imo. Also have to agree with majority of posters re your dp doesnt have to sleep seperately. In our home dp does and it works really well. He isnt tired and helps me out when i am. Actually couldnt ask for better arrangement atm. We still are close and cuddle, dont need to share a bed to do that.

[susiecutiebananas]

I would not be moving your baby. My DH has told me, many times, that unless he knows its his turn to be getting up, then he is quite able to sleep through her crying. If I nudge him and ask him to go to her, he happily will. If he knows its his turn to get up over night, then he hears her straight way.

Our DD was in a moses basket then cot in our bedroom until she was almost a year old. We had no choice as were in a bed flat until the, however, I'd still have kept her next to us for at least 6 months.

Firstly, the SIDS guidelines have been developed and researched thoroughly, so are what they are for a good reason. Secondly, I'd have thought that having your baby so close, so you can easily get up and comfort is less disruptive than hearing a baby cry for longer, whilst you register him crying from your sleep, get yourself up, wander down corridor to him, etc etc..

I totally get the whole thing of DH going out to work so does need his sleep too. my DH was only home at weekends as he works away in the week, so I was very aware of him needing sleep as he had such long drive to come home. However, he did not want me going without sleep either!

Just because I wasn't going out to work every day, doesn't mean I didn't need as much sleep as possible! I was feeding her every 2 hours up until about 5 months, then still at least twice a night until very recently. She's 15 months now and only just sleeping through 5 out of 7 nights.

my Dh recognised my need for sleep being as important as his, or else i'd be a crap mother, and a grumpy partner to him

So, i'd really have to say, don't move your son. Keep him with you, as you are the one getting up to him, why should you have to be so completely disturbed too? its a time of huge change for you and your DH, lots of things to learn, to get used to and to tolerate. Sleep deprivation is one of them. It is also something that you really get used to, trust me! you do not feel the same for long, it just isn't as tiring for long as your body adapts to it more. Additionally, your DH will get better at tuning out the noise, if that is what you are happy for him to do. If he knows you are always going to get up to your son, then before long, he just won't hear him, unless you nudge him and want him too.

Lastly, I just want to add, since when did all this come about? this whole thing of trying to get your child to sleep through the night as early as possible? I am not asking you OP, this, its a general question!

I mean, it comes with the territory of having a child under a year old. Baby= sleepless/deprived nights. Its what happens, its what has always happened. They are this little and i need of you for such a short time in their lives. They don't need you in the same way for the rest of their lives! You are not still jumping up and down to your 18 year old all night. Yes, you always have half an ear open alert all night for the rest of your life as parent, but not in the same way as when they are tiny babies. Perhaps we need to all bare that in mind more. Trust me, i've been there with the no sleep and know exactly how horrendous it feels. So i'm saying this with experience. As soon as I told myself this, I honestly did't feel so bad about it. I didn't feel resentment at 4 am! I actually miss it sometimes, when I wake up and she's slept all night. someting I never thought I'd be saying. I guess it felt like such a special intimate time with her, and still does. Just me and my Dd, lying on the bed, with the moon light coming in, really close, and quiet. ( once she's stopped crying of course ) I enjoy it now.

[MamaMaiasaura]

oo x posts glad you keeping him in with you.

[calsworld]

Pre DS, DH never went back to sleep once he'd woken up in the morning, he used to be really irritable if I woke him up.

Post DS, he is a master at going back to sleep!

With you also about sleeping through if I'm on duty, but jumping up right away if he is...(we don't take it in turns, but if one of us is particularly tired then we'll agree who's going before we go to sleep!)

Personally, I'd do my best to get us all back into one bedroom for those first six months.. but hope you come up with a plan that suits you all.

[susiecutiebananas]

sorry, x posts, I didn't see yours there, before my epic post!

You are incredibly lucky to have a 10 week baby only waking once a night! Perhaps you ought to remind your DH of this...

good luck with it, well done, good decision

[MrsJohnCusack]

do you really want DH in with you? god, I HATE sleeping with mine, he is so fecking noisy, we've given up on sleeping in the same room until his snoring gets sorted out

mind you , our sleeping arrangements are currently extremely eccentric so you probably don't want to take much notice of me..!

both of mine in with me well past 6 months, I wouldn't have been happy doing otherwise as teh SIDS advice is fairly clear

[snotbuster]

Haven't you heard of the phenomena of 'nocturnal deafness' in which some DPs are absolutely able to sleep through the sound of a baby's cries, regardless of proximity?

My XP refused to ever have the bedroom window open (in case he was disturbed by someone walking down the street during the night) and we had blackout blinds in our bedroom (in case a chink of light a daybreak disturbed him). But colicky, screaming baby? In the same room? Even same bed?No problem, he never opened an eye.

(Not that I'm feeling particularly bitter tonight or anything...!)

[Caz10]

dh, dd and i were all in our room until recently, but nowi have chucked dh out! dd is 20wks, feeds 3x a night, i am bf and she goes straight back down after a feed, so there was nothing much for dh to do, and he quickly learned to sleep through. but i could not get back to sleep because of his horrendous snoring.

so now he gets a full nights sleep which tbh i am happier about as he works in the emergency services and it wouldn't be safe for him to be sleep deprived at work. i am FAR happier because i get back to sleep almost instantly after a night feed, and if dd is unsettled there is space to bring her in with me.

in my mind 20wks/6mths/however long it takes is a fairly short chunk out of a child's life and a marriage and for now it's well worth it.

oh and when he is not at work you always have the "you had a full night's sleep" card to play......as i have just done....dh away out with dd in her pram, me lounging about and going back to sleep hee hee (apologies, i know only possible with PFB!)

[Caz10]

Oh and at 10wks she only woke once too!

[VacantlyPretty]

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[spicemonster]

If you move your DS into his own room, you're going to get a lot less sleep. Getting up, walking down the corridor, getting your DS out of bed, feeding him, getting up, going back to bad. And won't that wake your DH up too if he's such a light sleeper?

TBH up until they drop the nightly feed, there are two choices - you either all sleep together or your DH sleeps somewhere else.

[twentypence]

MrsJC - your dh needs an aveoTSD. Invented in Dunedin by a dentist, one size fits all, buy from pharmacy.

My dad used to lift our roof every night and I marched him down to Unichem. Changed our lives. Looks a bit odd, but when the light is out who cares?

[Celery]

My DH is still on the sofa bed and DS is over 2 now. I don't think I want to sleep in the same room as him now. Much nicer sharing a bed with a small cuddly sweet smelling 2 year old, than a big hairy, farty, snoring, duvet hogging 36 yr old.

[krang]

YANBU.

I put DS into his own room at six weeks not because DH couldn't stand it, but because I couldn't stand it.

VacantlyPretty, I have read all the literature on SIDS and made the decision that my DS would be fine in his own room. Why? I hated sleeping in the same room as him, and to be honest I think he hated it too. He slept much better once he was in his room, and so did I. If that makes me an unnatural mother, so be it. Glad that you are fine with your sleeping arrangements. I suggest everyone does whatever works for their family. Personally, I couldn't have ousted my incredibly hard-working DH who was trying to earn money to keep us all, plus coping with a new baby and a wife with severe PND and birth trauma, with all the problems that brings.

[2point4kids]

Wow. I am actually quite surprised at some of the responses I have received.
The sleeping in seperate rooms thing was both mine and DH's idea and it has worked really well for us so far. Now though we both miss cuddling up together at night and I thought it may be a good time to put DS in his own room..
DH is far from selfish, inconsiderate and all the other things that have been thrown at him...

I also never moaned about DS waking in the night. I'm not rushing him to sleep through the night and neither is DH.
I know its pretty good going that he wakes only once. (I'm not completely clueless first time mum - I already have DS1 who is now 2.7yrs!)

I know its best to keep baby in with you for 6 months, but I cant (and dont) follow a lot of things that are officially best for baby as they just arent best for us, for various reasons. (one example is that I bottle feed).
I was just thinking aloud about whether to put DS in his own room really.
I see from the strength of response here that its obviously much more important a rule than I realised and so will be keeping him in with me for longer.

I do think DH bashing is a bit too rife on here though...

[thelittlestbadger]

I agree with Capp. It is so much hassle to move the baby, particularly if he has a bad night and you are up and down to him constantly all night - much easier just to lift him out of a basket by your bed.

I also second the nightlight idea, you don't really need much light to do the bottles and then the light won't disturb DH too much.

FWIW, DD slept with us in a cot/basket until 7 months. DH said that pretty quickly he could sleep through her waking and just woke up if I got upset (those nights when I was just begging her to go back to sleep )...

[thehappyprince]

I wouldn't worry 2point4, I suspect the response you get here is somewhat polarised... I know I have said provacative things on line I'd never say face to face! I agree completely that you have to adjust advice to fit with your family, no good being miserable to slightly reduce an already small risk. Not sure what the evidence for cot death and sleeping in own room is, pretty sure most of the posters here don't either.

[HaventSleptForAYear]

Sorry you got bashed !

Probably depends how far away the baby's room is too. DS1 went into his own room at 3 weeks, because I couldn't sleep with him there, I woke at every sound.

We all slept a lot better after that, and I could still hear him breathing with both our doors open (rooms directly opposite).

As for DH, well he took himself off to the spare room for a few months (!) after DS2 - reflux baby. TBH I haven't forgiven him for it yet and it has damaged our relationship.

I also regret not having the cosy night-time feeds all 3 of us in bed together, which we had with DS1. Realistically though, that wasn't going to happen with DS2 who screamed blue murder after every feed.

But by the sounds of things you are NOT resentful of your DH sleeping elsewhere so I suppose another few weeks can't hurt if you are convinced/worried by the SIDS argument.

Never heard of keeping baby in til 6 mths here though???? Obv. a big thing in England though.

[VacantlyPretty]

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[2point4kids]

Of course I dont mind people saying I am being unreasonable - that is in indeed why I posted on this board...to get honest answers!
Not looking for sympathy and agreement at all and, as I said in my last post, I have now made a decision based on the disagreeing responses.

I merely said that I am surprised at quite how mant people responded by saying how selfish and out of order my DH is

[krang]

';all of you who put a better nights sleep over the safety of your babies. '

Bloody hell, you're a bit of a drama queen, aren't you VP?

[VacantlyPretty]

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