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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to birthday party

50 replies

jaymet · 04/12/2024 19:34

I've been with my partner for a couple of years, we're looking at moving in together next year. We get on well with each other's kids.

His eldest has a big birthday coming up and DP hasn't invited me to the party. The child's mum and all her family, along with DP and all of his family (who I know) are going. Their Mum's partner is also going.

Is it odd that he hasn't invited me?

OP posts:
WillowTit · 04/12/2024 19:35

seems peculiar
has he taken it for granted you are going?

Tagyoureit · 04/12/2024 19:36

Do you know the where and when?

Maybe he's just assumed you'd be there.

Or are you waiting for him to actually invite you?

arcticpandas · 04/12/2024 19:36

He probably doesn't want to stir things up if ex is there. Or it's his eldest who has not invited you. If you really want to know, ask.

Original poster
jaymet · 04/12/2024 19:36

Just to clarify, he doesn't assume I'm going. He's told me that he's available all of that week apart from that particular evening as it's his child's party.

OP posts:
WillowTit · 04/12/2024 19:37

has the mother arranged the party?

Sirzy · 04/12/2024 19:38

How old is the child? How involved are you?

Edingril · 04/12/2024 19:39

I presume it is up to the child

DemonicCaveMaggot · 04/12/2024 19:40

Who is hosting the party?

If it is the child then maybe they don't know you as well as their mother's partner so haven't invited you. Although it is odd given you have been around long enough to consider moving in with their father.

WickedlyCharmed · 04/12/2024 19:43

You’ve been together a couple of years, you’ve met the child and get on well, it seems to be a pretty big party with all the family going, the mum’s partner will be there.

Yes, it’s really weird that you aren’t invited.

HideousKinky · 04/12/2024 19:48

As you've been with him a couple of years, you should feel able to ask him about it?

Calmhappyandhealthy · 04/12/2024 19:53

As the child likes you , I can only assume his ex (childs mother) doesn't want you there and DP doesn't have a backbone

Probably best to ask DP what's going on although he's unlikely to admit his lack of backbone

Tagyoureit · 04/12/2024 22:14

Well in that case, you need to ask him outright.

What happens when you do actually live together? Will you not be a part of family celebrations then too and just be expected to sit in on your own??

You need to find out the answer to this before moving in together and if you can't have such a frank conversation, then I do not suggest moving in together until you can.

itsmylife7 · 04/12/2024 22:17

Maybe I'm being a bit thick but why would you,a girlfriend, be invited to a child's birthday party ?

HoppityBun · 04/12/2024 22:19

Tagyoureit · 04/12/2024 22:14

Well in that case, you need to ask him outright.

What happens when you do actually live together? Will you not be a part of family celebrations then too and just be expected to sit in on your own??

You need to find out the answer to this before moving in together and if you can't have such a frank conversation, then I do not suggest moving in together until you can.

This! And get a cohabitation agreement: if you can’t talk tough talk about finances now, then you’re not ready for a partnership

SmalllChange · 04/12/2024 22:19

How old is the child and who's hosting the party?

Were you the OW?

Rubyupbeat · 04/12/2024 22:20

No offence, but maybe the child didn't want you there.

Createausername1970 · 04/12/2024 22:27

Who has organised the Party? You aren't clear whether this is a young child, teenager or adult having the party.

If your DP has organised it, then definitely that's odd. But if his ex has organised it and he is going as an invitee, then he has less say. Especially if the child has expressed a preference.

But you will only know for sure if you ask DP.

FestiveFelines · 04/12/2024 22:28

I organised a party for DD’s 16th, DD made the invite list and her fathers girlfriend (she was the girlfriend at the time) wasn’t invited. DD didn’t want her there so she wasn’t invited, she’s not invited to many things that the children have and that includes school events. Ex DH and his DW can have all the cohabiting agreements that they like, their agreement doesn’t give an automatic invite to his partner.

applestewing · 04/12/2024 22:33

No more odd than your inability to ask him why you aren’t invited

allthatfalafel · 04/12/2024 22:35

It would be weird if you did go. It's a family party for a child with an ex there.

MyKidsAreTooNoisy · 04/12/2024 22:40

I think if would be more odd if you were invited tbh so maybe I am missing something.

Pompeyssy · 04/12/2024 22:44

I think its a bit strange to be talking about moving in together if he isn't comfortable with you attending something like this.
I think you should clarify what his reasoning is.
If his children don't want you there, re think your plans.
It won't be worth it.
If its just him, ditto.

Livelovebehappy · 04/12/2024 22:57

I think it’s odd only because his ex’s partner is going. But there may be relevant context around that that we’re not aware of.

GabriellaMontez · 04/12/2024 22:59

"Am I not your plus one?"

TriangleLight · 04/12/2024 23:03

This depends so much on the age of the child. If it’s a kids party organised by the mum then it’s not weird.

if the dc is grown up then yes, it’s a bit odd not even to discuss it.

I think it certainly means you should not move in with him

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