Not invited to birthday party

[jaymet]

I've been with my partner for a couple of years, we're looking at moving in together next year. We get on well with each other's kids.

His eldest has a big birthday coming up and DP hasn't invited me to the party. The child's mum and all her family, along with DP and all of his family (who I know) are going. Their Mum's partner is also going.

Is it odd that he hasn't invited me?

A number of things spring to mind.
It is the child's party not a wider occasion where a plus one who is a relative stranger is the norm.
It sounds like it's a family party. At the moment you are only seeing your boyfriend and talking about moving in together. If you don't know the wider family well or have an "official" role, I'm not sure that an invite would be appropriate.

How often have you met the child? Do you play a role in their life? Do you think they would want you there and miss you if you were not?

You think that as Mum's partner has been invited you should be too. Does Mum's partner play a role in the child's life? Is he their step-dad?

Finally, if your relationship is so strong that you are planning to move in together why are you not comfortable in asking your boyfriend why you are not invited? Communication in difficult circumstances is really important when you are in a blended family.

I expect mum arranged it.

If he hasn't organised and paid for the party, he has no right to invite you.

You're not the step parent, you don't live together. You're the dads girlfriend. Not sure why you would be there 🤷‍♀️

I'm guessing the child's mother has arranged the entire party.

I would assume the child (or its mother) do not want you present. Maybe ask your partner what is going on?

The child is older.

I had a conversation with him last night. He said I'm welcome to come if I want, he just didn't invite me as he didn't think I'd want to go as I'm not a huge fan of drinking and pubs etc.

So storm in a tea cup then? You could have just asked ages ago and saved yourself a lot of angst!

So, an 18th birthday party in a pub then.

It sounds like you wouldn't enjoy it.

DD is soon yo be 16. Separated from Dad since she was a baby. We don't have partners at her parties. You aren't together, so effictively you are 'just' a girlfriend - sorry, I hope you get the gist of what I'm saying.
Is the Mums partner living with her, so now more of a step dad role?

On the odd occasion that I have been someone it never occurred to me to invite, usually it's me her and dad and her friends doing whatever activity I've forked out for 🤣🙄

@RampantIvy Possibly not. But I would have made the effort for his child and he knows that, so I still think it's a little odd to not see if I wanted to go!

Soon yo be 16*

I've reverted back to my teenage years 🤣

It sounds like he made an assumption and went with it, rather than wilfully left you out. I would just make the call on whether you are going to join or not now, and leave it at that.

I can understand why it has annoyed you though.

If mum paid for and organised the party, she can invite who she wishes. Which obviously would be her partner, not her ex's girlfriend.
Also perhaps she lives with her partner and/or they are effectively a step parent of the child.

In that case it is weird @jaymet , at least that he didn’t even discuss it with you.

Did the mum arrange it? Even then I’d think that was worthy of explanation.

How long have they been apart for? Were you the OW?

Definitely do not move in together

@TriangleLight They'd been split up for 10 years before I met him.

The ex did arrange the party but it seems that she's told him to invite whoever he wishes, from what he's said.

I think if he'd have said I know you don't like parties so I won't be annoyed if you don't fancy it, but you're welcome to come if you wish then that would have been different. The fact is he's told me on a few occasions that he's busy that night, and has now only said I can go because I've brought it up.

You would be very silly to be making plans to uproot your housing for him.

Oh, that’s rubbish then @jaymet. Shifty behaviour. I’d be upset by this

not very friendly of him op

Yeah, that’s horrible. He doesn’t want you there and doesn’t want to tell you the truth as to why not.

Doesn’t bode well

Maby he forgot to invite you.

Why exactly is he wanting to move in with you?

Skivvy?
Money?
Childcare?
Housing?

Because he certainly isn't mad about you enough to be honest to you and want you at his childs party.

Don't be used by him.

I agree this is a red flag. If he was in love with you, he'd be keen for everyone to get to meet you.

Thanks all - you've kind of confirmed what I'm thinking.