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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give Xmas present this year?

48 replies

Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 10:46

Would you gift your SIL a christmas gift after she has been truly terrible to you and your family? Back in the summer my SIL (DH’s sister) and my husband had a massive fall out. She was truly terrible to him and myself in the aftermath. We have been no contact since then, however she has tried to make out that I’m a terrible person keeping our DC (we have 2 DC) away from her and she is not aloud to see them etc. this is not true at all, if she wants to see them, our door is open, but I am done going out of my way to make life easy for her after the complete disrespect she has shown us. Fast forward to now and whenever SIL sees me and my DC in public she completely ignores us, but tries to maintain a ‘loving aunt’ act to her friends and family. My DS had his birthday the other day. A party invite was sent to all in-laws, including SIL. Day before the party she created a huge scene, practically threw a gift at my DS and declared she would not be coming to his party as she was not welcome! My DH was there and told her quite sternly that she knew full well she was invited and to stop being dramatic. Anyway, she turned up at the party, didnt talk to anyone, got up, put her coat on and left without a word 🥴.

DH thinks we should give her an Xmas gift and a card to ‘be the bigger people’ and to not give her ‘anymore ammunition’ I quite frankly don't want to be the bigger person atm Im so done 😂

gift? No gift? Horrible gift? Tips in moving to Australia gift??

OP posts:
Stormyweatheroutthere · 04/12/2024 10:47

Well dh can send /buy a card /gift.. Omit your name imo.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 04/12/2024 10:48

Let DH sort this one I think.

Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 11:31

He doesn’t usually sort the gifts I usually do, not sure what anyone got from him before me 😂

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 04/12/2024 11:33

Honestly even without the context I wouldn’t buy a gift for anyone I was no contact with. If the kids are close to her and mention wanting to get her something then I’d let them make or choose something for her from them, but I wouldn’t be going out of my way to buy something for her considering you don’t speak.

Agree with others that I’d leave this for husband to deal with, it’s his sister and if he feels strongly about it then he can find a gift for her.

Trumptonagain · 04/12/2024 11:34

Leave him to sort it.

You'll soon find out how much he wants to give his DSis a gift.

Littlemiracles232504 · 04/12/2024 11:34

I'd get her a box of teabags and some biscuits, this girl seriously needs to sit down and think about how she's behaving she's an adult I'm presuming but she's acting like a child

DappledThings · 04/12/2024 11:35

Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 11:31

He doesn’t usually sort the gifts I usually do, not sure what anyone got from him before me 😂

Perfect opportunity to change that then. Leave it up to him. This isn't your problem.

MichaelaJournee · 04/12/2024 11:35

He can buy her one if he wants to. I wouldn't be buying her anything.

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 04/12/2024 11:36

Obviously don't bestow a gift on her. Stop the unnecessary wife work for your husband, you don't need to think of and buy gifts for his relatives. If he doesn't bother, his relatives will then know how much he cares.

MorrisZapp · 04/12/2024 11:37

He can buy her whatever he likes. How odd.

Onlyvisiting · 04/12/2024 11:37

Card , no gift at most

SapphireOpal · 04/12/2024 11:38

Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 11:31

He doesn’t usually sort the gifts I usually do, not sure what anyone got from him before me 😂

So? Doesn't mean you have to sort this one.

Fine if he wants to get her something but he sorts it out.

Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 11:44

MorrisZapp · 04/12/2024 11:37

He can buy her whatever he likes. How odd.

Of course he can. My point is I usually do, so it will be 15 years worth of lovely gifts, and this year i am not considering anything because of her treatment of us, i suppose my question would be is it worth the massive tantrum she would undoubtedly create or easier to get something just to keep the peace and my mil and fil happy.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 04/12/2024 11:47

If you're determined to do the wife work just get her a tin of shortbread or whatever next time you're shopping. Are you spending Christmas day with her?

Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 11:49

MorrisZapp · 04/12/2024 11:47

If you're determined to do the wife work just get her a tin of shortbread or whatever next time you're shopping. Are you spending Christmas day with her?

No, i hosted. christmas day last year, the upset has been so large this year i have told DH that I will not be inviting his family this year.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 04/12/2024 11:52

Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 11:49

No, i hosted. christmas day last year, the upset has been so large this year i have told DH that I will not be inviting his family this year.

If they're not invited at all then I suspect the present is neither here nor there. Just buy for her kids.

Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 11:59

MorrisZapp · 04/12/2024 11:52

If they're not invited at all then I suspect the present is neither here nor there. Just buy for her kids.

Well we have had christmases without them before but we still do gifts. SIL doesn’t have children, she lives with my MIL and FIL but i suspect she will give our DC gifts, which is another reason im humming and ahing about gifting her or not. I suppose im just unsure have never been in this position before, never had to feel the need to do so little with anyone, always try to find a way forward etc.

OP posts:
DillyDallyingAllDay · 04/12/2024 12:02

I'd be feeling incredibly petty but I'd put some thought into it and get her something that would seem like a lovely present but just not for her- so when she does complain about it you'll seem like the bigger person! Make a big song and dance over her present and tell everyone else in the family how much effort you've put into her present and she's sure to love it etc.

Tel12 · 04/12/2024 12:05

Get her a gift. She's not going anywhere and it's really not worth all this drama.

Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 12:08

DillyDallyingAllDay · 04/12/2024 12:02

I'd be feeling incredibly petty but I'd put some thought into it and get her something that would seem like a lovely present but just not for her- so when she does complain about it you'll seem like the bigger person! Make a big song and dance over her present and tell everyone else in the family how much effort you've put into her present and she's sure to love it etc.

I actually really like this 😂

OP posts:
Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 12:09

Tel12 · 04/12/2024 12:05

Get her a gift. She's not going anywhere and it's really not worth all this drama.

She not worth the drama your right

OP posts:
Jagoda · 04/12/2024 12:10

No. Leave it to DH.

LittleGreenDragons · 04/12/2024 12:12

Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 11:31

He doesn’t usually sort the gifts I usually do, not sure what anyone got from him before me 😂

HE wants to give her a gift then HE can choose, HE can buy it, HE can wrap it and HE can deliver it. Or has he lost the ability to use his brain, his legs and his arms? Have you blocked him from having access to money? No? Then tell him if HE wants it then HE does it. Seriously, drop the rope.

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 04/12/2024 12:19

It's her choice to create drama, no one has to indulge her in it or provide her with an audience. Don't give the woman one second of thought.
Time to pass buying of gifts to your husband. He can choose to buy-or not- for his relatives. It's not an issue.

Pixiedust22 · 04/12/2024 12:20

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 04/12/2024 12:19

It's her choice to create drama, no one has to indulge her in it or provide her with an audience. Don't give the woman one second of thought.
Time to pass buying of gifts to your husband. He can choose to buy-or not- for his relatives. It's not an issue.

Thank you :)

OP posts: