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Original poster

This is rude, yes?

42 replies

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 03/12/2024 23:35

I have an acquaintance, let's call her Penny. I met Penny through a hobby earlier this year. She's lovely, she's been to my house for lunch once or twice. She disappears and reappears.

Two weeks ago she texted to say 'so sorry I haven't been in touch. Broke my foot....'. I passed on sympathies and she suggested we meet in two weeks time when she had the boot off. I suggested Thursday as I have the day off. No reply. No text since.

Am I unreasonable to book a nail appointment/coffee with another friend and deem our meet up not happening this week?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 03/12/2024 23:37

“Hey penny. Just checking we are still on for Thursday as I have I few things I need to book. Let me know either way. Hope your foot is better!”

not hard is it? Just text her!

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 03/12/2024 23:38

Assume you have a free lunchtime. Penny will turn up when she's good at ready. If it happens to be Thursday, she'll have to accept that you gave up waiting for her reply and made another arrangement.

LigamentBandy · 03/12/2024 23:39

Maybe she was just being polite , isn't when people say "let's meet up for a coffee?" actually let's never meet up for a coffee? It's just polite filler when you bump into an acquaintance.

BarbaraHoward · 03/12/2024 23:41

You haven't actually made any plans with her, you're free to do whatever you want that day. Don't overthink it.

Arlanymor · 03/12/2024 23:43

How is it unreasonable if she hasn't confirmed? Conversely if you want to see her, there's nothing to stop you sending her a quick text checking in on her foot and seeing if Thursday works for her. Takes ten seconds, right?

SmalllChange · 03/12/2024 23:45

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 03/12/2024 23:38

Assume you have a free lunchtime. Penny will turn up when she's good at ready. If it happens to be Thursday, she'll have to accept that you gave up waiting for her reply and made another arrangement.

Penny will turn up when she's good at ready.

Like a bad Penny 😁

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 03/12/2024 23:46

SmalllChange · 03/12/2024 23:45

Penny will turn up when she's good at ready.

Like a bad Penny 😁

Show quote history

Boom-boom!

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 03/12/2024 23:47

Arlanymor · 03/12/2024 23:43

How is it unreasonable if she hasn't confirmed? Conversely if you want to see her, there's nothing to stop you sending her a quick text checking in on her foot and seeing if Thursday works for her. Takes ten seconds, right?

Sending the text takes 10 seconds, but waiting for the reply could be more like 10 days...

WarmFrogPond · 03/12/2024 23:47

BitOutOfPractice · 03/12/2024 23:37

“Hey penny. Just checking we are still on for Thursday as I have I few things I need to book. Let me know either way. Hope your foot is better!”

not hard is it? Just text her!

This. If you want to firm up the arrangement, text her and do so. If you’re happy to leave it fluid, you’ll probably hear from her closer to the time.

Greyrocked · 03/12/2024 23:49

I’d have to cut off three quarters of my friends if this is too rude to cope with. It’s mildly irritating. Message her to remind her/check.

Arlanymor · 03/12/2024 23:50

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 03/12/2024 23:47

Sending the text takes 10 seconds, but waiting for the reply could be more like 10 days...

Show quote history

Well then you make a decision as to whether or not it's a friendship that you value enough to be ok with a flakey responsive time. I have friends I don't hear from, from one month to another because that is the nature of the friendship, so I never expect anything other than a drawn out correspondence. And others who I'm in contact with daily - it's just knowing the nature of the friendship isn't it?

HolyPeaches · 03/12/2024 23:50

Am I unreasonable to book a nail appointment/coffee with another friend and deem our meet up not happening this week?

No, not unreasonable at all. She hasn’t confirmed. It takes less than a minute to respond saying either yes, no or I’ll get back to you. So I’d make plans with the other friend and leave your ball in Penny’s court.

Arlanymor · 03/12/2024 23:50

Greyrocked · 03/12/2024 23:49

I’d have to cut off three quarters of my friends if this is too rude to cope with. It’s mildly irritating. Message her to remind her/check.

Yep!

BarbaraHoward · 03/12/2024 23:52

Arlanymor · 03/12/2024 23:50

Yep!

Show quote history

Yes exactly. People are so busy at this time of year.

Original poster
ChimneySweepLiverpool · 03/12/2024 23:58

Sorry to be clear, Penny makes me feels as though I make all the effort and often drops the ball. I don't really want to chase Penny

OP posts:
LigamentBandy · 04/12/2024 00:00

@ChimneySweepLiverpool well don't then , make your own plans do what you want , honestly it's just polite filler I'm pretty sure she's not expecting to meet you.

Original poster
ChimneySweepLiverpool · 04/12/2024 00:00

Friends with a history? I wouldn't think twice to text, but for some reason this one irks me

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 04/12/2024 00:03

@ChimneySweepLiverpool “Hi Penny, just to ket you know I’ve now made other plans for Thursday as I didn’t hear from you. Hope your foot is improving”

WarmFrogPond · 04/12/2024 00:05

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 03/12/2024 23:58

Sorry to be clear, Penny makes me feels as though I make all the effort and often drops the ball. I don't really want to chase Penny

But you’re the one who suggested meeting — presumably you want to, or otherwise why suggest it? She’s possibly less bothered about the relationship, which you describe as an ‘acquaintance’ship, and you only met earlier tip his year. Is it really worth all this irritation? If you don’t want to ‘Chase’ her, why are you proposing meetings to someone you know isn’t good at firming up appointments?

Original poster
ChimneySweepLiverpool · 04/12/2024 00:08

I didn't suggest meeting, she did @WarmFrogPond

OP posts:
LigamentBandy · 04/12/2024 00:10

Yes, she's still not going to actually be there for coffee. You could have rang her and had a conversation quicker than this thread .

Macaroni46 · 04/12/2024 00:12

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 03/12/2024 23:58

Sorry to be clear, Penny makes me feels as though I make all the effort and often drops the ball. I don't really want to chase Penny

You only met her earlier this year so she's a relatively new 'friend'. I think her lack of reply suggests she's not really that bothered about forging a friendship. I'd go ahead and make other plans. Wait and see what she does. I wouldn't chase or text again.

TeabySea · 04/12/2024 00:13

LigamentBandy · 03/12/2024 23:39

Maybe she was just being polite , isn't when people say "let's meet up for a coffee?" actually let's never meet up for a coffee? It's just polite filler when you bump into an acquaintance.

Edited

Is it? I only ever suggest meeting up with people if I actually want to. Why suggest something I'd you have no intention of following up?

LigamentBandy · 04/12/2024 00:17

TeabySea · 04/12/2024 00:13

Is it? I only ever suggest meeting up with people if I actually want to. Why suggest something I'd you have no intention of following up?

Show quote history

Did I say I do it? I make time for my friends a family .
It is polite filler, Penny has not been dropping the ball as op puts it, Penny is not that bothered .

Original poster
ChimneySweepLiverpool · 04/12/2024 00:19

It feels like polite filler. Why bother, just don't text the person again and if you run into each other, just say you were busy

OP posts:
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