How to start a conversation about sex

[Meloney]

I've been with DP for 6 years. We haven't had sex for the past 3 years. We're both mid 30s, no kids. Otherwise, we have a good relationship, we get on great, have fun, look out for each other, and respect each other.

I cannot get him to talk about sex (the lack off) at all. It doesn't matter how I try to approach, he just brushes off any attempt to discuss it with a joke or something. He has no ED or physical issues, he's very fit and healthy. Tbh he's never seemed totally comfortable with sex, I get the impression he's partly embarrassed/self conscious about it, and partly worried he's going to hurt or disrespect me in some way. I think the sex stopped for us around a time I had a bad bout of UTIs, and I had to take a break from sex for a while to get rid of it.

He's actually decent in the bedroom, but can't seem to let go and enjoy it? Any advice for a getting him to open up about this? Or how to start the conversation in a non cringey way? I know a lot of people here will say end the relationship, but I think that's a bit extreme?

It sounds like he has serious issues which need to be resolved by a therapist. You need to let him know that sex is more important to you than you realised, but also that you want him to be better in this area. It's genuinely an illness if he feels awkward about himself and can't talk about it. He's excluding a source of joy which might be resolvable with some professional help. They're might be some trauma, probably not best for you to start digging into it. Or issues past down through parents which he sees as 'normal' but aren't.

Their and passed. Grrrrrrr

You need to talk about it op.
You need to go to relationship counselling and get to the bottom of the issue.

I’m sorry but this sounds like a LTB to me.
With no kids and no sex life, I don’t see what glue there is to keep your relationship going into middle age and beyond.

Leave him now before you are consumed with resentment at having wasted years with this man.

If you love him give it one last shot. How about doing something new and scary together - zipwires, skydive, surfing etc - you get the idea. Nothing like adrenaline from a new shared experience to bring you closer (and closer) hopefully.

He's not really into that

When you did have sex, he was it initiated? Did you previously have a regular and good sex life?

How was it initiated that should say!!

I was in this situation and we did the Relate sex therapy course. It was quite eye opening.

I agree. You might think you have a good relationship but you don't as you can't talk about it. No sex is fine but not talking about why you're not having it isn't.

Do you actually feel attracted to your dp in that way?
I mean I'm 54, dh 50 and 4 children one still at home 14 dd autistic. We both have stressful and busy careers too
But, when I look at him still I often think omg I still fancy every bone of your body and want to get to bed
Probs make the dc turn green I know !
Intimacy is the one thing you have in a relationship which is strictly yours. It's keeps us connected/ makes us laugh sometimes. It's not the only important part I appreciate but it depends how important it is to you. Your so young and maybe settling in a relationship which isn't as fulfilling as it could be
Counselling might help ?

Some people just aren't that interested or bothered about sex, especially the longer it goes on without it.

We had sex pretty regularly, at least once/twice a week. I would almost always initiate.

It wouldn’t.