AIBU to think that some people automatically age and look a good bit older when they hit 30

[ZaraV]

I feel a lot of people lose their youthfulness around that age. It’s like one month they look late teens early twenties then as if a switch is flicked they look close to 30. I have this friend who when she was 27 could easily pass for someone who’s 19 or even younger but now she looks much older 5 years later. She looks maybe about 27 at youngest but you wouldn’t look at her and think she’s a teen. It’s sad it almost looks as if she’s let herself go which she hasn’t. Her makeup doesn’t sit the same either

No, it's not a thing. I think your imagination is causing you to see your friend in an exaggerated way, because you appear to have a rather odd fixation on looking like a teenager as the epitome of beauty. It's perfectly obvious a 30 year old woman isn't going to look like a teen so you will of course noticed changes in her. All the business about her make up and how sad it is are you issues though. And you really need to work on them because aging will be coming for you too and you'll spend a whole lot more of your adult life as an over 30 than an under 30. So put the youth fetishism in the bin where it belongs.

I agree with this! My ageing process has definitely been down to having 3 kids in 7 years😀. I'm 34 and very definitely look it!

Oh well that's life.

Also Chinese heritage, also been told I look younger. I'm mid 30s now, I sometimes look back at old photos and I definitely don't look like when I was 18, but would say photos of me from 25+ compared to now look more or less the same, weight fluctuations notwithstanding. I think my school friends still look pretty much the same too, not all of them are ethnic minority backgrounds.

As PPs have said I think it's a combination of genetics and life stressors (mainly children).

Interesting and I think it varies. I was lucky enough to look very young until I hit 40. Even at 40 people thought I was 10 years younger. Then I noticed a massive change within 2 years. Crows feet, wrinkles, mouth lines sagging down, wrinkly neck. May be the perimenopause as happens very young in my family.

I wouldn't expect a 30+ woman to look like a teenager - that would be strange. But she might easily look 25. And some 25 year olds look like teenagers, so I see what you mean about your friend being at a different stage of life (still a young stage, just not very young!)
I don't think that 30 itself is a particularly crucial age, anyway. Late forties is when ageing is usually more obvious.

At the age of 35 I still get asked for ID. I’m 5ft tall, baby faced and dress/look alternative. That probably makes a difference. Everyone's different. It's still a joy to me to be asked, which helps me deal with the greys I’m now getting.
It's not nice to judge though. And believe me, I’m judged daily for the way I choose to look, which hasn't been fun throughout my time being a parent - DD is 13 next month and I'm even now I'm not often taken seriously as her parent, most assume on first impression that I'm not her parent. I choose not to judge back because I’m not an arsehole.

i’m 35 and yesterday when i bought liquor chocolate in tkmaxx, the cashier asked my ID. I get that a lot. Despite u agree i feel when i reached 30 my baby fat its gone and my face more mature. But i’m asian. I’m still waayyyyyy look younger than most people here.

I brought my DD to school for her first day at secondary school. We were running late so we went to reception. I was asked "Are you one of our new sixth formers?" Well, yeah, I was 18 years ago when I attended the same school. When I said "No, I’m her mother and I need to sign her in" the woman looked at me like I was lying.
Again as I've posted, 5ft tall, baby faced and dress/look alternative. I’m now 35. It does happen and I hate the mumsnet go to of people assuming you're bragging.
It's not bragging when things happen like your DD is in hospital quite ill and the doctors will only address your own mother rather than you because they think she's the actual adult with responsibility.

Just something to think about for the posters talking about their Chinese friends who don't seem to age.
The modern pursuit of beauty is unprecedented in China – about 1.05 million people underwent plastic surgeries in 2020, and a majority of them were females under 30 years old.
www.statista.com/topics/6815/medical-aesthetics-in-china/#topicOverview

You must have great genes.

I’m 30 and I think I look …. 30 😂

There’s people my age who look younger (probably from using SPF daily, drinking loads of water, work out, no fillers and Botox which DOES age you).

Then there’s other people my age who look older (the people who drink alcohol often, use drugs, smoke, have used sun beds since their teens, have 4/5 children and started having kids at 17/18).

It’s probably a combination of genetics and lifestyle.

But I disagree with your main point that most people automatically age at 30.

It's probably the having kids rather than being 30, although everyone does go through periods where they age more rapidly, whether because of stress, life events or just genetics.

I used to get ID'd quite often up until the age of 32. 5 years, 2 kids, one pandemic and 3 stone later, I errrr don't.

What a strange thing to think. It's not remotely sad to not look like a teen when you're in your 30s. I don't think that's something many adults aspire to. Like most women I know, I looked far better in my early 30s than in my teens. We also hadn't fallen off an aging cliff either and I still got IDed as I was hitting my late 30s.

Eh? What's sad about a 32 year old not looking like a teenager?! I'm 32 and am not upset about looking my age.

Is your friend a family friend? Unusual for a 27 year old to befriend a 17 year old...

I was doing ok until I hit my late 40’s, culminating effects of peri menopause coupled with a my mum as well as my dad needing care hit my face like a ton of bricks. Prior to that I was young looking, thanks to greasy skin I’m not too wrinkled but the jowls depress me.

I defintely looked more attractive between 30-40 than I did 20-30- subjectively
i did more exercise and I was wealthier so could afford better clothes etc (tweakments weren’t really a thing in the early 2000’s )
I accept that since turning 48 I look worse but it was a slow decay and definitely didn’t happen in my 30’s- these were good years so no, I completely disagree. And if you look shit at 30 you need to take a good look at your lifestyle.

I think aging is faster when you start towards 40. I'm shocked looking back at pics of me during lockdown, I look 10 years younger. I'm 42 and have few crows feet or frown lines but weight loss post kids has given me a sagging neck and in photos I can see the start of marionette lines. I notice friends are starting to age now too some quicker than others.

I have a black friend who is 43, her skin is totally wrinkle free, in all honesty she has the skin of a 19 year old - smooth and taut.

People age so differently! I don’t even bother trying to figure it out anymore.

Between 25 and 45 it’s become increasingly hard to tell how old people are!

Did you see the story of that British woman currently detained in the US who claimed she accidentally became a drug mule on her way back home via Chicago after some randoms guy she met abroad paid for her come visit Mexico?

I don’t believe her story for a second but actually the most shocking thing about the whole fiasco was the fact the woman looked late 40s but was actually 27.

Life is so short OP. I assume you are early 20s from the very transparent crippling insecurity and fixation on other people.

Hopefully by the time aging hits you you'll be more content in your own skin and happy to enjoy life in your own lane.

Lots of people don't live long enough to find grey hairs. Being able to wake up and enjoy your kids and do the things you like in life is something to be so grateful for. I definitely think kids drastically age you but by the time it happens there are more important things in the world.

Don't linger on these unkind thoughts about others. They are poisonous and will only make you feel worse.

It is not sad not to look like a teenager. I feel sad for you that you think that.

It’s not sad to not look like a teenager when you’re 30.

The misogyny is pretty strong here.

The only times I noticed significant changes in the appearance of friends has been when they had the youngest children with a big gap from the previous children. I think pregnancy at a later age plus looking after a baby, lack of sleep simply let to looking much more mature than they did pre-pregnancy. I also noticed their hair never recovered the fullness and shine.
Of course I notice these things, I'm not blind, and they are remarkable changes. It doesn't mean I tell anyone about it.
So my thinking is pregnancy in these specific circumstances has something to do with it.

Don't be daft.

I probably aged fast because I had DD1 just before my 30th but it's certainly not automatic.

Genetics play a huge part
But so does lifestyle too

I can spot a smoker and drinker from miles away

But at 20 it isn't obvious. It is at 40

i usually presumed it was due to much partying when younger and the side effects of booze

I don't think it's sad at all. 20 doesn't look better than 35.