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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not send Christmas cards this year?

105 replies

Orangesandlemons77 · 03/12/2024 16:02

I usually do, but with the cost of stamps and also the feeling of expectation (I don't want others to feel they need to send one back) I am re-considering this year

Anyone else, or do you still send cards?

OP posts:
Cynic17 · 03/12/2024 22:23

I used to send appeox 80, but over the last few years I've got it down to around 30. I keep thinking I should stop, and I know lots of people don't bother, but I just feel bad to not contact these people that I actually like! Many of my friends I've known for 40+ years, and they're spread all over the country, so I can't begrudge them a card and a stamp. I buy high quality, unusual cards from the Royal Academy, so I also know that I'm contributing a small amount of £ to a favourite place.

cardibach · 03/12/2024 22:24

Cornishphoenix · 03/12/2024 22:19

@cardibach we’re all different 🤣

please see reference to “we will send to those who genuinely enjoy them (because some people don’t, and that’s ok. Happy to respect that)”

hope that helps!

You wouldn’t know I don't like them though. I say thank you.
Mostly I objected to the condescension inherent in ‘poor lonely singles light up at my card’. If you see that, you are with them. Maybe they ‘light up’ (vomitous phrase) because someone has called round.

NippyCrab · 03/12/2024 22:30
Michael Caine Muppets GIF by filmeditor

I said I'm not doing cards this year, mainly because MIL died 29th Dec last year and my heart isn't in it. Also I cannot be arsed, if anyone is offended I have no fu@ks left to care. I did put a post on FB mainly for DH side of which there are many, some I've not met so wtaf. I won't be giving to charity in place of the cards because I have no idea why people do this and who decided it was a thing. Hopefully I won't be doing them ever 😂
I used to spend a fortune on cards, time and care was taken with messages inside and I loved it. It just seems the spirit of Christmas and what it means has gone. It's all black Friday and cyber whatever and who wants what Hairdryer and clothes etc. You'll be getting a tangerine and a candy stick and bloody appreciate it!
Bah humbug from here.

Moonlightstars · 03/12/2024 22:38

I was very relieved when they stopped being a thing. Waste of paper, money and effort unless actually writing a message to people you want to keep in touch with and don't WhatsApp etc.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 03/12/2024 22:40

If you want to stop, an easy way to be to email everyone an e-Card soon (before other people have sent their cards out) wishing them happy Christmas and saying that you won't be sending physical cards. If you have friends or relatives without eMail/Whatsapp or whatever, you'd better phone them (or just send a card).
I'm sending about 30 cards this year, mostly to people I only occasionally see but who have a place in my heart. I don't send them to people I see everyday. And I don't include a round robin update of the year, just a handwritten message.

InSpainTheRain · 03/12/2024 22:41

We send a special one to DH's mum and another to his elderly aunt and I drop one off to our lovely previous neighbour. That's it! I used to send about 30 buy haven't done it for years.

MintShaker · 03/12/2024 22:42

I haven't sent cards for many years.

AngelinaFibres · 03/12/2024 22:44

My husband viewed sending Christmas cards to his family as a PITA. One year he had shingles and just couldn't be bothered to do it. When we met up with his sister in the January she thanked him for the lovely card. He hadnt sent one . After that he decided that no one really knew whether he had or not ,so he was no longer going to bother. That was 10 years ago. The world has continued to turn.

Tbry24 · 03/12/2024 22:52

I have just written mine out today, all ready to be posted with Christmas stamps on the envelopes (second class is not that expensive). I post to all my relations and friends that send to me, I do not see any of these people as I live away so for a lot of them this is my only contact all year. I also post to family who live overseas. It gets less and less each year and saddens me when I look through my address book and family have passed away.

As for the SM comments about giving to charity, it so annoys me it means they can’t even be bothered to write my name in a card and address it. I also give to various charities, which I don’t announce to the world, and has nothing to do with me sending Christmas cards. This year I have bought my cards from a charity, I don’t always, which is a local hospice.

Last year I received hardly any cards at all though, it’s possible it was a royal mail failure as a couple postmarked beginning of December arrived a couple of weeks after Christmas. I will wait and see who remembers me this year.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 03/12/2024 22:59

@Tbry24

I have just written mine out today, all ready to be posted with Christmas stamps on the envelopes (second class is not that expensive). I post to all my relations and friends that send to me, I do not see any of these people as I live away so for a lot of them this is my only contact all year.

As several posters have said, it's not much of a relationship or friendship anyway if you are only having contact at Christmas. As I said, I binned those people who could only be bothered at Christmas. What's the point? Confused

Also, second class stamps are not that expensive? They're nearly a pound each!

Tbry24 · 03/12/2024 23:11

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 03/12/2024 22:59

@Tbry24

I have just written mine out today, all ready to be posted with Christmas stamps on the envelopes (second class is not that expensive). I post to all my relations and friends that send to me, I do not see any of these people as I live away so for a lot of them this is my only contact all year.

As several posters have said, it's not much of a relationship or friendship anyway if you are only having contact at Christmas. As I said, I binned those people who could only be bothered at Christmas. What's the point? Confused

Also, second class stamps are not that expensive? They're nearly a pound each!

Yeah I know that. Most of my extended family ‘disowned me’ many years ago apart from a Christmas card once a year and in some cases a letter.

I come from a very big family well over 100 of us so if 15 or so of them decide to send me a card and news of their lives, a baby new home new partner and so on I will take it and enjoy it. It is literally the only way I know if everyone’s ok.

And I know that’s sad and pathetic but these are all my beloved aunts, uncles, cousins from my childhood that I loved and adored and saw most weeks so I want them to all have happy lives.

TPJB · 03/12/2024 23:18

DancingFerret · 03/12/2024 16:10

Nope. I donate the money I used to spend on stamps to charity, and add to that the price of the cards I used to buy from the charity's shop.

Charity 1 - Post Office 0.

Ah yes the old I have donated to charity instead. What is the point? You are spending the same amount. At least when you send cards you give people the pleasure of receiving them. Donate to charity and about a fifth actually makes it to the charity and the rest goes on admin costs.

Toucanfusingforme · 03/12/2024 23:18

I love sending and getting Christmas cards. It’s good to hear from people from your past that you may not see much now for various reasons, but still like to hear how they’re doing.
My pet hate has always been the virtuous “I’m not sending cards this year, I’m donating to charity instead” crew. I’m always left thinking it’s more like they can’t be bothered and this is a good way out.🤣

TPJB · 03/12/2024 23:24

Toucanfusingforme · 03/12/2024 23:18

I love sending and getting Christmas cards. It’s good to hear from people from your past that you may not see much now for various reasons, but still like to hear how they’re doing.
My pet hate has always been the virtuous “I’m not sending cards this year, I’m donating to charity instead” crew. I’m always left thinking it’s more like they can’t be bothered and this is a good way out.🤣

I very much doubt they actually donate either.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/12/2024 23:26

Nope, love sending Christmas cards. Don’t care if they’re reciprocated.

Fordian · 03/12/2024 23:31

I send about 30. I'm in my 60s, and many who I send cards to are older who I may not have on FB etc. I know they are appreciated by their recipients, who almost always reciprocate.

But I always write a little message in each about how we are, as I know they'll be interested.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 04/12/2024 00:10

cardibach · 03/12/2024 22:12

If the on,y contact/info you got was at Christmas, contact was effectively cut anyway. There are som many easy ways to keep in touch - if someone is only doing it in a few words in a card once a year it’s basically saying you aren’t friends.

Yes but there is a difference between that tiny bit of contact and zero, to me anyway. It's like the door was still open. And now it's not.

I'm not on SM but I'll bet for most people at least half of 'friends' are people you don't contact other than SM updates, so why bother, why not be honest and unfriend them all? There must be some reason people keep others hanging on, I guess that's how I feel about Christmas cards. Clearly I'm the outlier on this!

Moonshine5 · 04/12/2024 00:12

Cynic17 · 03/12/2024 22:23

I used to send appeox 80, but over the last few years I've got it down to around 30. I keep thinking I should stop, and I know lots of people don't bother, but I just feel bad to not contact these people that I actually like! Many of my friends I've known for 40+ years, and they're spread all over the country, so I can't begrudge them a card and a stamp. I buy high quality, unusual cards from the Royal Academy, so I also know that I'm contributing a small amount of £ to a favourite place.

Sounds lovely@Cynic17

mondaytosunday · 04/12/2024 00:15

I love sending and receiving cards and the number of people sending has really gone down - and no surprise with the post costing so much a poor service (I was getting cards well into January and even February one year).
Many just email an ecard.

cardibach · 04/12/2024 11:49

Dontlletmedownbruce · 04/12/2024 00:10

Yes but there is a difference between that tiny bit of contact and zero, to me anyway. It's like the door was still open. And now it's not.

I'm not on SM but I'll bet for most people at least half of 'friends' are people you don't contact other than SM updates, so why bother, why not be honest and unfriend them all? There must be some reason people keep others hanging on, I guess that's how I feel about Christmas cards. Clearly I'm the outlier on this!

Nope. All my social media friends are actual friends. SM is only one of the ways we interact.

VacuumPacked · 04/12/2024 12:28

Arrwedancers · 03/12/2024 17:30

Never posted any and haven't given any for years, they're a waste of money/time/effort/resources

We received one this week for the former resident who hasn’t lived here for 4 years.
I opened it hoping a tenner would fall out but no luck.

There was an email address to which I promptly wrote, as I have on previous years
to random card senders, to say, ‘Jane’ died a couple of years ago, we live here now.
Then ! a plethora of emails asking questions, demanding to know why no one had informed her of this, but when we see the family to please offer condolences - what?

I’m not opening another card addressed to A.N. Other, this is the second attempt
at a drawn out conversation/explanation, first one two years ago, a man,became quite shirty, demanded “and why don’t you know?” (by email) extraordinary, laughed, blocked.
Usually people write, ‘Thank you for letting me know’ in response, that is enough?!

I can remember my Mum’s Christmas Card list, the ritual of writing cards, the ticking off the list when a card arrived, perhaps a new name and address added, our sitting room festooned with cards

Then, when married with young children, babies, the same, until we lose touch, through different location, apathy, remarriage whatever.

Now I send and receive only a handful, far flung friends, those who do not use email or unable through lack of broadband for instance. I’m expecting a rider beneath the good wishes to say, ‘I/we will not send cards next year because of the prohibitive cost but I/we will be thinking of you’

I predict in January 2025 packs of Christmas Cards will be reduced to a shilling.

Orangesandlemons77 · 04/12/2024 12:31

I have had a message in reply from an old friend saying they are doing the same what with the costs of stamps etc.

OP posts:
VacuumPacked · 04/12/2024 12:38

Cornishphoenix · 03/12/2024 19:28

I send cards to people who I know will enjoy them. I know a lot of people who live alone of varying ages from 27- 92 and the way they light up when they receive a card is lovely.

i think loneliness is becoming more common but we’re somehow reluctant to discuss it. I know people in their 20s who are lonely - it’s so sad.

so don’t write them off (see what I did there?) completely unless it’s a financial decision.

And I urge you to reconsider if you know anyone who could be suffering from loneliness at any age!

2019-2020 we didn’t send any due to expense & we told everyone why.
2021 - 2023 we sent a few
2024 we will send to those who genuinely enjoy them (because some people don’t, and that’s ok. Happy to respect that)

?? this sanctimonious post made me gasp in disbelief - is this serious?

BMW6 · 04/12/2024 13:55

I wonder how the poster sees them "light up" when they open cards?

Orangesandlemons77 · 04/12/2024 14:32

That post made me cringe

OP posts: