Is this a slippery slope to gay/bi sex

[Theslipperyslope]

I stupidly looked at my DH’s emails and like the tale as old as time - found something I wish I hadn’t.

He has ordered an inflatable butt plug recently. There is also an indication that he ordered something else from the same website 6 months ago but the emails to confirm what it was are gone.

I’m suprised at my reaction, I thought I was quite open minded but I feel ill. I am really concerned that he is going down a road that will progress towards worse.

Our sex life is okay, he has struggled a couple of times in the past couple of months to maintain an erection, this was very unusual for him and he was upset/frustrated and said he was just overthinking it in the moment. Of course I am now linking the 2 things together and coming up with all sorts.

The worst thing is that I can’t talk to him about it. I tried to find the actual thing, if I came across it then we could have a conversation but now I’m just stewing over it.

Is he fantasising about men? ‘Training’ for something that doesn’t involve me? Or is it nothing - am I just being a closed minded prude 😬

This might shock you but, "Butt Stuff" isn't exclusively gay or even majority any more. It's a sensitive area (the bottom), lots of people enjoy exploring that part of their body and not a bit of it makes them gay.

Don't. Google. But Plug

When you say inflatable, I'm not that au fait but inflatables would usually infer something jokey?

maybe a secret Santa gift; taking into account the timing, when someone buys the inflatable sheep or a blow up doll doesn't necessarily mean the guy wants to shag sheep but he's bought it for a stag do or a night out vs thinking he's having an awesome weekend with Shaun the sheep?

Surprise, it's for you.
Straight men and women can like their butt played with too.

An inflatable butt plug is a plug you insert then inflate to feel fuller. Not not like a blow up inflatable.

Ah some men love their arse played with, my DP does. It feels good. He definitely isn't gay. Maybe you need to have a chat with him.

@Theslipperyslope I'm not sure there is a "slippery slope to gay/bi sex" and think your title if poorly worded bordering on offensive .

Being interested in anal toys doesn’t necessarily mean he’s gay or bi and there is no ‘slippery slope’ to gay sex. An interest in specific sexual acts isn’t the same thing as sexual orientation.

I feel a little conflicted over this. I understand why you’re disquieted but I also think people are entitled to privacy and to private pleasure. I wouldn’t think twice about a woman having a particular sex toy for personal use not involving her husband.

I would try to forget about what you’ve seen and let it be. It’s a private, personal thing for him. If you have other concerns about your marriage, try to resolve them independently of this discovery.

If he’s having erection problems, he might be experimenting with direct prostate stimulation to see if it helps? I wouldn’t jump directly to turning gay, I don’t think it works like that.

This is silly. There’s no indication he’s gay at al.

What do butt plugs have to do with being gay?

If we leave the concerns over the buttplug/sexuality for the time being as no one here can tell you your partners intentions or preferences.

How is communication and your sex life in general? Do you think this is a new thing your partner is interested in or something they have always expressed interest in?

He is trying to work on maintain erection. There are exercises for men and some helpful tools too.
Like kegel exercise for women iirc

Eh.. no.

The 'slippery slope' to gay/bi sex is... being gay or bi.

Gay/bi men are not exclusive in finding bum fun er, fun. It's not as if gay/bi men magically have nerve endings there/in and around the prostate that feel good to touch and straight men do not!

I know, and have had relationships with quite a few guys who liked varying degrees of anal play (receiving), only one of those was bi and that was something he was up front about from the day we met.

Logically there is nothing morally wrong with it (in my view) and also doesn’t mean he’s gay or bi.

but emotionally it would really gross me out 🤷‍♀️

Both straight men and women like anal play. It's not an indication that someone is gay. Of course, there is always a possibility your husband is bisexual, but liking anal play doesn't make it a foregone conclusion. You do need to find a way of talking to your husband in some how. Not necessarily letting on you read his emails but saying something along the lines of 'I read an article online, that some straight men like anal play, I didn't realise that' and see if he can be drawn on a conversation.

Reset his password to the website and look at his order history to see what the other thing was?

Or actually speak to him?

Mildly hysterical after a loooong morning at work so picturing slippery slopes and accidental landings on butt plugs.

What website is he buying from? A standard one or something more specialist that might point towards an interest you were not aware of?

But whatever it is, communication is key and I'd counsel being aware of your tone, as you sound like you're getting ready to clutch your pearls.

Soz you can't find the butt plug in question - only one place left to look, I feel!!!!!!!!

where's the fun in that?

Because it's someone's real life relationship ?
Not a soap opera

Sorry if I offended some with my choice of words. I am not suggesting that there is anything wrong with being bi or gay but there certainly would be for me, given that I'm his wife. I also believe that you can discover things about yourself through experimenting, things that you would otherwise not have realised - that was the 'slippery slope' referred to but appreciate my choice of words was poor.

I realise my reaction is judgy, and I'm surprised to have reacted that way. I guess ultimately I fear I am not enough, that it will become more difficult for me to satisfy him and he will eventually look for elsewhere.

I realise that it all sounds very dramatic, which is why I would never say any of this out loud. I just felt that Mumsnet was a safe space

Thanks for replies anyway, other people being open minded definitely helps me to understand that it's not particularly unusual and not necessarily indicative of anything more.

Ask him if he has any interest in being penetrated by a strap on. Spice up the old sex life.

Probably your Christmas present... have fun.

It's not one of those🤷‍♀️. It's tiny that you insert then blow up or fill with water/ gell etc ...