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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Renting a room in our home

50 replies

CheeryLemonHare · 03/12/2024 12:27

a friend of mine has asked if I would rent our spare room to her lodger as she is selling her house. She is a young lady that works from home. She would have her own bedroom, bathroom and would share the kitchen etc.

when she came to view the room she asked if she could have her boyfriend stay occasionally. I have never really thought about that until now and to be honest I really don’t like the sound of that.

our home is our home and I really don’t want strange men coming and going. He could be anybody, he could steal from us etc etc.

also if we go on holiday we have no idea who is in our home.

is it unreasonable to say NO Guests.

OP posts:
VWGal · 03/12/2024 12:28

A lodger that works from home is going to be a lot. I’d reconsider on that basis too.

kiraric · 03/12/2024 12:31

I don't think it's an unreasonable rule, though in practice she might ignore it when you're away.

WFH all the time would be a deal breaker for me though, couldn't stand someone else being there absolutely all the time

Turbo4 · 03/12/2024 12:33

Unless you was looking for a lodger then I would reconsider. Having someone else in your home 24/7 is a lot without the added boyfriend occasionally.

Londonrach1 · 03/12/2024 12:34

Do you want her around all the time as she working from home. Do you want a lodger. Sounds complicated especially as she a friend. I'd say no without the boyfriend issue.

user1492757084 · 03/12/2024 12:37

I would only consider this for a set few months or a year.
You need to see if you are compatible. Have an end date so you can easily ask her to find a new rental without offending her.

Whammyammy · 03/12/2024 12:44

You're going to have the lodgers in your home all day everyday as she wfh. Also the occasional stay over from her boyfriend will be regular. It's not going to feel like your home for very long.
You we're not looking for a lodger, so don't.

TotallyTwisted · 03/12/2024 12:47

The lodger could also "be anybody" and could steal from you. It doesn't sound like you're cut out to be a landlady, and that's fine. Tell this woman and your friend that they'll have to make other arrangements.

Ablondiebutagoody · 03/12/2024 12:52

Will you be at home during the day with her?

If so, could be a PITA. If not, bills during the day could be huge.

Sounds to me that your friend is feeling a bit guilty about kicking her out but that's no reason for you to take over.

taxguru · 03/12/2024 12:52

It's not something I'd ever be able to do, even if I was desperate for money.

Just so much could go wrong. I'd hate the thought of walking into my kitchen or living to find a boyfriend there. Bad enough randomly finding the lodger there.

It just wouldn't feel like my home anymore.

Especially with them working from home, you'd have no respite from having someone in your home. It'd be like Uni shared living all over again!

The only way I'd contemplate it would be if I had a completely separate area, like a granny annexe with it's own exterior door, own kitchen & bathroom, own living area etc., so it was genuinely completely separate with no access to any area of my main home. Even then, I'd probably not like having a stranger so close.

RaininSummer · 03/12/2024 12:58

When I have lodgers I avoid people who work for home as I would hate someone being in my home more than I am and the bill worry. With boyfriends or girlfriends I would be fine with staying over a weekend night for a long term partner so long as they also stay at their place sometimes.

Thistimearound · 03/12/2024 13:01

I’m wondering why you are considering having this person move in to your home in the first place just because your friend asked?

I understand taking a lodger because you need the cash, but otherwise it seems a big ask for no real reason to say yes..

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/12/2024 13:03

TBH I wouldn’t want boyfriends who I didn’t know from Adam staying over. IMO it wouldn’t be at all U to decline.

A dd rented out a room for a few years, but for weekdays only. In her area there was plenty of demand, so it worked well.

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/12/2024 13:33

Having a lodger is a two-way street. I think if an adult is paying you for their home, it’s unreasonable to dictate that they must never have a guest over.

You don’t sound as though you actually want to have a lodger so just say that it wouldn’t work with family life / you need the spare room for your family. If your friend hasn’t already heard of websites like Spareroom, give her the heads up to pass on.

Gillettethebest · 03/12/2024 13:37

YANBU because it’s up to you to have that rule if you’re not comfortable with her boyfriend over , but she would also NBU to say she didn’t want the room after all. I’ve been a lodger and most allowed guests, a couple didn’t.

MagpiePi · 03/12/2024 13:43

It sounds like you really don't want a lodger and I don't blame you.

She has already been to look at the room and it sounds like she thinks she is moving in, but I think that you are just going to have to bite the bullet and say you have talked it over with your family and having a lodger is not going to work for you after all.

Sportacus17 · 03/12/2024 13:47

I’d say you aren’t looking for a lodger and leave it at that !

Nolegusta · 03/12/2024 13:48

I'd say no to your friend's request.

housemaus · 03/12/2024 13:59

YWBU to let someone pay to live in your house and then never allow them guests, yeah. Sounds like having a lodger isn't for you - they're paying you for somewhere to live, not a bed to sleep in for the evening. Ground rules about not having someone to stay more than X nights a month or week, fine, but a flat 'no guests' rule is an awful thing to try and impose on someone.

mumda · 03/12/2024 14:10

Your insurance needs considering - as this will change your circumstances.

MumonabikeE5 · 03/12/2024 14:18

I would have a lodger, but not a wfh lodger. That would bother me more than her boyfriend visiting.

CeffylCoch · 03/12/2024 14:25

Do you even want a lodger? especially one who is working from home and will want the heating on all day?

Hoppinggreen · 03/12/2024 14:26

Do you actually want a lodger?

Anotherworrier · 03/12/2024 14:28

It’s going to be her home to. You can’t have a lodger and tell them no guests ever. This set up doesn’t really sound like it’s for you.

pinkdelight · 03/12/2024 14:30

Your friend selling up is no reason for you to take on her lodger. It sounds like it's not going to work for you and that's fair enough. Just say you've reconsidered and it's not gonna work for you.

oakleaffy · 03/12/2024 14:32

WFH and ramping up your heating bills- Also the man.

A hard no from me.