Renting a room in our home

[CheeryLemonHare]

a friend of mine has asked if I would rent our spare room to her lodger as she is selling her house. She is a young lady that works from home. She would have her own bedroom, bathroom and would share the kitchen etc.

when she came to view the room she asked if she could have her boyfriend stay occasionally. I have never really thought about that until now and to be honest I really don’t like the sound of that.

our home is our home and I really don’t want strange men coming and going. He could be anybody, he could steal from us etc etc.

also if we go on holiday we have no idea who is in our home.

is it unreasonable to say NO Guests.

They are paying for use of the room. I totally understand your reservations but I think you probably just don’t want a lodger.

I particularly wouldn’t want a lodger who wfh all the time.

Your friends lodger is not your problem.

If she is renting the room, then she should be allowed her bf to stay. If you aren't comfortable with that, don't rent to her.

Also, think about the effects of someone working from home all week. Will you feel like you can't be loud/relax with friends/family over if she is in online meetings every day? Will you feel like you have to tiptoe around your own home? Will your heating/lighting bills go up?

You absolutely are not being unreasonable.
That arrangement would not be good.
Speaking from experience.
NO to lodgers and their partners.

I doubt that many people choose to have a lodger - or be a lodger, it’s just a compromise for financial reasons.
If I needed to take in a lodger I would think it defeats the object to have someone who is home all day, causing a significant increase in bills.
Add to this that she wants to bring a third person into the equation. It’s respectful of her to ask, but that’s about the only thing in her favour.
I have heard of ‘boyfriend’ agreements, where the lodger can have someone stay overnight for as many nights as she stays at his, which sometimes work but not sure what would happen if staying at his was not possible.
What would the boyfriend staying overnight look like? Will she have her own TV in her bedroom or a second reception room, or will the 2 of them be outvoting you on what to watch?
It would be her home, but it’s your bills if the boyfriend fancies a long shower, and you also have a right to privacy and to choose who is welcome in your home.

Two women sharing a kitchen, what could possibly go wrong?!

You'd be mad to do.

You didn't go out seeking a lodger. You are only considering it because your friend asked you to, so that she doesn't feel guilty about making her homeless. Has she transferred her sense of guilt on to your shoulders? Is that why you're even considering it all?

I don't think you want a lodger at all, regardless of visiting boyfriends.

Say no to the whole idea.

As an aside - does your friend often ask you for unreasonable favours?

The WFH thing would put me off, you could end up with massive heating bills. This happened to my DM, the lodger would have the whole house boiling and heat the oven for nearly two hours to a cook a baked potato.

Hiya
we are considering because we have two spare rooms and this person needs a new room to rent.

they are paying to rent a room for themselves only. They are not paying for others to also stay.
yes we all have friends and want to invite our guests over but I am talking about boyfriends staying the night.
i personally feel that if you agree to this then one night leads to two nights then more. Before you know it you have two lodgers.

my home is my home. I would not want strangers coming into my home. If you want to do that then you rent a home where you can do what you want and bring home who you want. If you rent a room then you respect the privacy of the owners.

this is why I love this site because we all have our own views and this is why I wanted to reach out and ask others. I wasn’t sure if my thinking was unreasonable

Yes, but this person also needs to rent from willing landlords who see her as a person with a life rather than simply a vehicle to paying the mortgage off more quickly. Happy lodgers make for happy and harmonious households: and that comes from give and take on both sides. It can be a tricky dynamic to manage and ultimately never works if the lodger ends up feeling like a teenager in their parents’ home with restrictive rules about guests and how they can live.

It’s fine to feel that your home is your home and not wanting other people in it - that just means that like plenty of other people, you’re not in the right position to have a lodger.

If you want to be bring a partner back to your lodgings, you need a house share or your own flat.

If OP says yes to it then she has said yes to any boyfriend coming in.

Why would you open your home to that unless you are desperate for money?

Can she cook for a boyfriend too?
Once you start saying yes to guests, it becomes complicated.

Thankyou! My thoughts also.
it has nothing to do with the money. I have paid my mortgage. I would be doing it because I have a spare room. I have had overseas students and never had a problem with them bringing friends home and have gone above and beyond to make them all feel welcome in my home but there is a huge difference between this and allowing a lodger to bring every Tom dick and harry into your home just because they pay you a monthly fee.

I've not voted as it shouldn’t be a vote about having guests round it should be a yes or no to lodger

you don’t want or need a lodger especially one who works from home. You don’t owe her or your friend anything

theres only me and I work from home and annoy the cat most of the time with my constant wittering on during team chats

dont do it!

If you want a bit of money - Airbnb option will pay you triple and much easier to manage. This specific lodger got three issues- WFH, boyfriend, recommended by a friend , so will feel more entitled

Yes, a lodger is not a house share

We're going to have lodgers at some point. I would never allow anyone not them to come over for any reason. And no working from home either.

For context, it's £1600 where I am to rent your own studio, over a £1000 plus bills for a house share.

A lodger paying £800 including bills does not get to have guests staying over

I wouldn't dream of it in your circumstances.

My friend had 2 spare rooms and rented them out Sunday-Thursday, no guests.

It worked out so well. She was taking a year off to go travelling and this funded it.

She found having the house to herself at the weekend worked perfectly.

I wouldn't in this situation but it could be something that works for you, but on terms that suit you.

Prospective lodgers have the choice to take it or leave it.
No one forcing anyone to agree to a no guest rule.

If you don’t need the money and have experience hosting overseas students then it sounds like a much better idea for you to tell your friend that you don’t have spare rooms as you’re just going to keep doing that: overseas students are generally happier to have an older woman “mum” figure and rules. This young woman isn’t going to be happy living with you, and it doesn’t sound as though you’d be happy living with her.

It's your house. You can set whatever terms you like and she can accept or look elsewhere.

It's not unreasonable for her to ask to have her bf stay over on occasion but you could say no guests, or agree a limit, 2 nights a month or one night a week for example, and perhaps you could stress that you would like to meet him first or that this only applies to her current bf and isn't an open invitation to future overnight guests.

@CheeryLemonHare think I would say no to the whole lodger thing! no privacy in your own home?? nah, that's not for me!!

Yanbu to say no to guests. Just be clear before she signs a contract, then she knows the score from the start.

I had a lodger who had a guest most weekends, it was awful. I should have said no from the start.

You can impose whatever restrictions you like, just be very clear about it. If she doesn’t like it she can rent elsewhere.

However, I would consider the fact she has been lodging with a friend to be a big bonus. I’d rather have someone that comes with a personal reference, even if that meant the BF staying sometimes.

Sounds like a bad idea. You’ll probably not be close friends in a years time if she moves in.

Was she allowed to have the boyfriend at your friend's? Why does your friend think it's her responsibility to find her lodger new accommodation? If bringing boyfriend in is almost the first question the prospective lodger asks, that would be a no from me. Not just no to the boyfriend, no to the lodger tbh.

Depends on whether you already know and like the lady. Are you compatible? Do you need the money? Do you want another person in your home all the time?

You could say no to the boyfriend, she can go to his or get a hotel.