Catering for vegans

[PieandPotatoes]

We have friends who come and stay regularly. One is a vegan. They never bring any food with them. It takes me ages to do the food shopping (checking labels for ingredients). We spend loads on oatmilk, vegan cheese/yoghurt etc and we end up cooking two dishes at mealtimes as my husband refuses to eat anything without meat. I think that they should at least bring some vegan food with them. What do you think?

From your posts I think they're coming for relatively short times like weekends.

In similar situations, I've either booked a table to eat out, or planned to order in - and sent guests a message with link/menu in advance along the lines of "We love to see you, but I have to cut down on my stress levels and I'm no longer able to continue cooking multiple meals multiple times a day. So to honour your dietary preferences I have booked a table for [time/date]/we'll be ordering dinner delivered from - we'll ask for separate cheques so you don't don't have to debate the morality of potentially paying for any animal containg products" and then provided something very simple for lunch (jacket potatoes, pre-prepared salad, and bacon/chicken for the husband /or/ vegan safe bread, hummus, avocado, vegan cheese, peanut butter, along with your/husbands usual sandwich fillings) and separately asked guests to bring their own breakfast/condiment options, something simple like "I'll let you bring your own breakfasts from now on."

Personally I'd also practice some 'airy' retorts to comments about eating meat: (followed by a laugh and a subject change - best preplanned with your husband)

"You don't want me trying to get you to eat animal products, so let's agree to disagree"
"I don't think we ordered a lecture with this meal"
"This isn't a church, so no need for a sermon"
"We don't comment on food choices in this household!"
"If watching me eat dinner is too distressing for you, I can find you a blindfold" (or, "you're free to remove yourself from the table" )

You don't have to buy vegan alternatives like cheese and yogurts though. It's easy to make meals that are just naturally vegan. The Cranks recipe book is vegetarian rather than strictly vegan, but it's easy to adapt the recipes - I've done it lots of times. It's a shame your partner can't do without meat for a day or two, especially when he knows it makes more work for you - but if he's dead set against it, just give him a few sausages, chicken leg or chops to supplement the vegan meal. There are loads of cheap and easy recipes online too.

Are they just vegan or vegan-telepathic? If not the latter, you will probably need to talk to them.

Someone who chooses not to eat meat, fish or animal products would find cooking meat goes against everything they believe in. They would find the idea of cooking meat distasteful and would not even be able to handle it.

Besides, if they aren't used to cooking meat they won't make a decent job of it.

Surely everyone understands this?

As a meat, fish, poultry, fruit & veg eater I do not necessarily buy vegan products or cook vegan only foods for my household as I have educated views on vegan produce & the processes that go into ensuring food items can be classed as vegan. However I do accommodate any vegan & vegetarian guests I have. It's about valuing & accommodating other people's choices rather than expecting people to adhere to your beliefs. So in my view & practice, vegan eaters should also accommodate non vegans. It's not an uneducated view it's about being inclusive.
Comments on here should not be rude just because someone does not choose to be vegan.

Vegan food processes go against my beliefs but I also respect my vegan guests food choices. It's a two way thing. That doesn't mean I do not understand why someone chooses to be vegan or refuse to make vegan meals.

I think it's ok to ask them to bring some of their own stuff but not too make a massive fuss about it like my MIL who makes it sounds like she's having to grow the food herself lol

So in my view & practice, vegan eaters should also accommodate non vegans. It's not an uneducated view it's about being inclusive.

Would you really want to eat meat cooked by someone who has never cooked meat before and doesn't know how to cook it?

I don't know any vegetarian or vegan who would even handle meat. They find the idea disgusting. I imagine it is similar to expecting a Jew or a Muslim to cook pork.

We don’t eat UPF so when my niece comes I now explain that I will make something for her, but we don’t buy anything processed - so if she wants to eat shite like vegan cheese/milk/spread etc she needs to bring it with her.

l really struggle with the ridiculous notion that eliminating several essential nutrients from your diet and substituting it with UPF is actually healthy.

I'm not really sure what the problem is. If you don't want them to come, then don't invite them. If I'm invited to someone's house, I don't expect to be asked to bring my own food. Base meals around vegetables, rather than substitutes, and get some fresh fruit and decent dairy free chocolate that everyone will eat. Ask them what they like. So many biscuits are accidentally vegan (Oreos, digestives, hob nobs, jammy dodgers, to name a few) that you don't need to buy "special" things. Mumsnet is fairly conservative when it comes to food, it really isn't normal to expect a guest to bring their own food.

Cooking a chicken breast is not difficult. I have never cooked using an aubergine but could follow a recipe. Half of my family are vegetarian & one is vegan they can all cook meat & did so before becoming vegetarian/vegan. They choose to be vegetarian, for them it is nothing to do with their faith like it is for Muslims. We also have open discussions about our food choices & beliefs.

Another idea is a 'bring & share' meal/lunch/buffet. My girlfriends & I regularly do this when we get together as there are 8 of us. It shares the food prep, cooking, cost & ensures everyone has something to eat. It also means you can try different foods if you want to.

But veganism is an ethical belief and the diet is just one reflection of that.
Imagine if we didn't have supermarkets and killed our own animals. Would you tell an ethical vegan just kill this animal it's nothing to do with your faith so why nit?
I'm finding this thread offensive.

Why even bother with the vegan cheese or yoghurt?

Just do some vegan curries and soups, your DH can cook a piece of meat to have alongside it if it cares so much. No special ingredients needed, some kind of plant milk should be more than adequate in terms of "special" foods.

Nobody is denying them vegan food though.

It's not hard, just don't buy loads of extra stuff. A bean chilli, a chickpea curry, tomato and pepper pasta sauce, all vegan just chuck meat in at the end for your husband. Toast or porridge for breakfast, hummus sarnies or a soup/salad for lunch

That’s not the point of my post, but thanks.

You don’t think they should invite OP and her family for once instead of expecting to be hosted every year?

On them "inviting themselves" - with long-standing friends often things like this are less formal. I have quite a few friends where I guess we do invite ourselves and vice versa - but we have been friends for a really long time and this is the dynamic we have been in for a while.

If one of us wasn't happy any more to host, at this point, it would be for them to say so. And that would be fine because we are all friends, we like each other, we can say things like this to each other.

On catering for preferences - I am happy to cater for tricky dietary preferences but in a "I don't eat xx" way not "I have to have yy in every meal way". If someone doesn't eat meat, fine, can do that, lentils don't agree with you, can do that, hate goats cheese, fine, etc. But "I have to have cheese in every meal" or "I have to have a meat stew every day", nope, not a restaurant

i Would not want them to bring their own food as I feel it is my responsibility as a host. But I only invite people I like to my home.

But surely in OP’s situation you would notice that you’ve been the one inviting yourself over for several years and that your hosts stopped inviting you several years ago?

And that maybe you should offer to host for once?

You don't get it do you?

The vegans and vegetarians I know will not handle meat in any shape or form. They find the idea of handling or eating meat repulsive. The analogy of comparing it to Jews or Muslims touching pork is true for them.

Not all vegetarians and vegans are the same.

I do eat meat BTW.

@Active13 "
Vegan food processes go against my beliefs "

You're ethically opposed to GROWING stuff??

It reads like that's one of the points of your post. 😬

Lots of vegan food is processed.
Lots of crops are grown at the expense of the local environment/animal populations etc.
It's naive to automatically think that all vegan foods, or indeed any foods, are grown and produced in an ethical and safe manner.