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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give a wedding present

45 replies

Everyreason · 02/12/2024 21:08

DS is getting married next month. He’s never been married before, has two children, his own home and has been with DDIL-to-be for several years. We’ve contributed financially towards the wedding, not a huge sum but around 10% of the full cost. They haven’t asked for wedding gifts but have put a short rhyme asking for money at the bottom of the invite.

I think that our contribution is our gift. DH wants to chuck a voucher in an envelope. AIBU to think that we’ve contributed enough?

YANBU - we should give a gift
YABU - no gift

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 02/12/2024 21:18

How much did you contribute?

Tourmalines · 02/12/2024 21:19

Yanbu . Contribution is a gift .

witmum · 02/12/2024 21:21

Buy a photo frame that they can put a wedding photo in and be done with it. It does not need to be £££ just an acknowledgment that you are celebrating their marriage.

My PIL did not contribute and no gift. It will not be forgotten.

Berlinlover · 02/12/2024 21:22

Doggymummar · 02/12/2024 21:18

How much did you contribute?

10% of the full cost - it’s written in the OP.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 02/12/2024 21:22

Contribution is a gift, I doubt they're expecting anything from you! It's just on the invite as they'll have been done in bulk :)

Zanatdy · 02/12/2024 21:22

I’d probably do what DH has suggested, but you have made a contribution anyway so your call

pinksquash13 · 02/12/2024 21:22

I think contribution is your gift.

Original poster
Everyreason · 02/12/2024 21:27

Contribution was just over £2000. If we give a gift I feel as though we’d need to give at least £200-250 but i feel as though I’m being tight-fisted.

OP posts:
Dimpliy · 02/12/2024 21:27

Your son is a CF sending a rhyming begging poem to his own parents after you contributed hundreds to his wedding.

You’ve more than done your bit, don’t make him any more entitled.

snowlady4 · 02/12/2024 21:28

They want money, they've received money. I think that can be your gift. However, if you can afford to and want to, you could give a token gift as well- are they going on honeymoon?- a new luggage set? A few pound "for a meal and a drink on your honeymoon."
Honestly I think either is fine as you have already given what they want.
I must say, I don't like those little poems asking fir cash!- they'll be given cash anyway- it seems so entitled to ask!

Lostworlds · 02/12/2024 21:29

My parents contributed to my wedding, I sent them an invite as I did everyone but didn’t expect them to give us a gift. My mum gave me a little token horse shoe and a lovely card, I didn’t need, want or expect anything else.

Doggymummar · 02/12/2024 21:31

Berlinlover · 02/12/2024 21:22

10% of the full cost - it’s written in the OP.

Show quote history

Yes but we don't know how much. Is it a lavish affair, or £200 down the registry office.? Have they paid for an element, or just chucked money in the pot? I can't imagine not giving my child an actual wedding present, a keepsake of the day. My parents paid for my dress, and the photos so I wouldn't expect anything else if they had just given me money to pay for whatever I would have f lt a bit sad not to have a memento of the day from them I think.

Doggymummar · 02/12/2024 21:32

Lostworlds · 02/12/2024 21:29

My parents contributed to my wedding, I sent them an invite as I did everyone but didn’t expect them to give us a gift. My mum gave me a little token horse shoe and a lovely card, I didn’t need, want or expect anything else.

Perfect

Pandasnacks · 02/12/2024 21:34

@Doggymummar she said the amount in her next post.

OP I agree you've already contributed, I wouldn't bother with a voucher because it's just more money but I would want to do something to mark the wedding as a token gift personally. Lovely photo frame that would match their house or a babysitting voucher or similar would be good.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2024 21:36

Everyreason · 02/12/2024 21:27

Contribution was just over £2000. If we give a gift I feel as though we’d need to give at least £200-250 but i feel as though I’m being tight-fisted.

Wow so wedding is £20k

Scottishskifun · 02/12/2024 21:39

They would have sent you the same invite as everyone else.
I wouldn't give them more cash but maybe with 2 children the offer to babysit for a meal out or something instead?

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2024 21:40

But yes the invite is what they sent to all

Sure they don't want anything

Pinkelephant66 · 02/12/2024 21:51

No gift. You’ve already gifted 2k, that is PLENTY!!

Iloveanicegarden · 02/12/2024 21:54

We have 2 nieces. When eldest got married we gave them a sizable amount which they spent on their honeymoon. Younger niece didn't show any signs of getting married but did have a steady partner, so we gave her the same amount. Then they set a date and to be partner said and I quote,' that'll buy a few icecreams' I also made a wedding cake with hard crafted flowers which must have taken well over 100hrs to make. When the invite came there was a short poem suggesting vouchers from a high street store for a gift.
Needless to say we penned a reply in kind.

EmotionalSupportPotato · 02/12/2024 21:56

I would buy a token gift one of those sentimental soppy poems in a frame or something

ItIsNotChristmasYet · 02/12/2024 22:00

Don't stress OP they will not be expecting anything more financially from you as you've already given, it's a pretty common thing now to ask for money on the invite etc, it's just it doesn't apply to you :)

You might like to think of something little and personal you can give on the day so there's something physical - but I'm talking more 'token' than valuable.

Pandasnacks · 02/12/2024 22:01

Iloveanicegarden · 02/12/2024 21:54

We have 2 nieces. When eldest got married we gave them a sizable amount which they spent on their honeymoon. Younger niece didn't show any signs of getting married but did have a steady partner, so we gave her the same amount. Then they set a date and to be partner said and I quote,' that'll buy a few icecreams' I also made a wedding cake with hard crafted flowers which must have taken well over 100hrs to make. When the invite came there was a short poem suggesting vouchers from a high street store for a gift.
Needless to say we penned a reply in kind.

Do you mean you wrote a reply telling them no? Was it not just a generic invite?

steponacrackbreakyourmothersback · 02/12/2024 22:03

I would get them something meaningful like a frame or album

Cesarina · 02/12/2024 22:10

Iloveanicegarden · 02/12/2024 21:54

We have 2 nieces. When eldest got married we gave them a sizable amount which they spent on their honeymoon. Younger niece didn't show any signs of getting married but did have a steady partner, so we gave her the same amount. Then they set a date and to be partner said and I quote,' that'll buy a few icecreams' I also made a wedding cake with hard crafted flowers which must have taken well over 100hrs to make. When the invite came there was a short poem suggesting vouchers from a high street store for a gift.
Needless to say we penned a reply in kind.

@Iloveanicegarden I'm confused.......so you gave the younger niece the same amount as the elder niece, (who was getting married), even 'though at that time the younger one didn't have a wedding planned?
The younger one's "to be partner" - does that mean her "steady partner" as you referred to?
So it was him who said "that'll buy a few ice creams"? Was he referring to the money you'd already given them? Doesn't really make sense.......
And what was your reply to their poem?

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2024 22:16

@Iloveanicegarden why would you give the other niece money if wasn't getting married