To not give a wedding present

[Everyreason]

DS is getting married next month. He’s never been married before, has two children, his own home and has been with DDIL-to-be for several years. We’ve contributed financially towards the wedding, not a huge sum but around 10% of the full cost. They haven’t asked for wedding gifts but have put a short rhyme asking for money at the bottom of the invite.

I think that our contribution is our gift. DH wants to chuck a voucher in an envelope. AIBU to think that we’ve contributed enough?

YANBU - we should give a gift
YABU - no gift

I would definitely give a wedding present to a son or daughter on top of the financial contribution to the wedding.

Your contribution is their gift, £2k is not an insignificant amount.
I paid half for dds wedding and didn't give them a gift.

£2k is more than enough. They have kids, household set up. Perhaps the photo-frame or other wee minding suggested would be fine. No more cash/voucher.

Contribution is the gift surely they wouldn't expect more. Our parents contributed to our wedding and we didn't expect an additional gift from them

All you need to give is a bloody invoice imo... 2k and yet it isn't enough?

My parents contributed to our wedding but did it in a way by saying this is the amount we are giving you for your wedding. Use it for your wedding, dress or honeymoon. It was very clear it was a gift and I did not expect anything else. On the morning of my wedding my mum handed me some personal keepsakes. Could you do the same to your son like cuff links? Your invitation probably has that wording as it's a generic one sent to all guests and didn't mean to you personally

I might also give them a bottle of champagne or some sort of momento, but it would be a token with emotional significance. I wouldn’t give a token amount of money. Bunging them an extra £50 in an envelope seems odd, I get why it would feel tightfisted not to make it £200+. But even that seems odd. The contribution is the gift, though I’d make it clear that was the case if there is likely to be any confusion.

If I wanted to give them more I’d do it as “We’re happy to increase our contribution to £X”, or “We’ll also pay for Y”. You aren’t regular guests, your gift is different.

You've given enough. Asking for money in a silly poem is so cringe.

@Iloveanicegarden am confused 😕

My mother didn’t contribute and no gift. I haven’t forgotten either!

I gave my son money towards the wedding as his gift and also bought his wedding suit. I didn't even think of getting him another present! That cost me enough.

Your voting is confusing, as it is the opposite of what you are asking.

AIBU to NOT give a wedding present? - No, YANBU, but in your opening post you have asked people to vote YANBU if they think you SHOULD give an additional present

However, of course you don't need to give them more than you are already giving them. That 10% of the cost is their wedding present.

Buy wedding photos for you and some for them. I wouldn't give money.

More than enough - definitely no more money to given

if you want to give them a keepsake then a photo frame for them is a lovely idea.

20k spent for a one day celebration, yikes.

I know and some spend even more. A young couple I know are thinking of having a big wedding. They said if you can't spend it on your wedding day what can you spend it on? I said a deposit on a house. They rent. Both work. They said oh yeah 🤣

I was going to say... House deposit, new car, rainy day savings, pension.... God anything but a one day celebration. My worst nightmare.

@SheSaidHummingbird I know. We spent no more than a grand on ours. Had another party after our honeymoon too that was about 500? I made the table decorations myself bought bunting etc. The pub catered. Everyone raved about it.

I've offered to help with this wedding. I told them to get a barn and a dj. Or some local musicians. I'd decorate it.

Yes! Pub is ideal. Everyone can relax, supports the local trade, perfect atmosphere.

It was fab