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AIBU?

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Original poster

New Neighbour & Food

77 replies

RandomUser1000 · 02/12/2024 19:52

I don't mean to be horrible but a new male neighbour recently knocked on my door to introduce himself and gave me a plate of food.

I wish I refused it but was being polite. Now I have a plate to return.

I don't mind someone introducing themselves but he's invited me over and asked me if I want more food.

I don't want food. I don't want new friends. I just want to live here without hassle.

This is the second time this happened this happened. Do people not realise that it's not a nice thing and makes people uncomfortable?

OP posts:
ThatGladTiger · 02/12/2024 19:54

Just leave the plate on his doorstep!

PoissonOfTheChrist · 02/12/2024 19:55

You didn't eat it, did you?

LoveWine123 · 02/12/2024 19:56

Leave the plate on his doorstep with a thank you note. This does not have to be the big thing you are turning it into

Ragruggers · 02/12/2024 19:57

Perhaps he thought you were hungry and loves cooking.Just take the plate back say thank you but prefer to cook for yourself.Was the food good?I wish someone would bring me food sometimes.

JC03745 · 02/12/2024 19:59

For some, providing food is a cultural norm and nothing sinister at all. The polite thing in reply is to return the plate with food on- BUT, again, this is only the cultural norm in some societies, not all.
I can't guess in this situation. Is he a similar age to yourself? Are either of you single?
I agree, just leave the plate outside his door if you don't want to engage further.

TheSilkWorm · 02/12/2024 20:00

Return the plate. Tell him it was kind of you but you have food intolerances/are raw vegan/very fussy so have to politely decline his offer. Don't stress about it.

Gogogo12345 · 02/12/2024 20:02

And people wondering why theres no sense of community. New neighbours moan that someone has done something nice for them and would rather ignore everyone around them.
Glad I live in a friendler plauce

AffableApple · 02/12/2024 20:03

At the risk of starting something here, when you return a plate, you're meant to put food on it. In this case, I wouldn't though!

Edit: Ah, I see this is already mentioned

Spaffitupthewall · 02/12/2024 20:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

KnopkaPixie · 02/12/2024 20:30

When you say that this is the second time that this has happened do you mean the same free takeaway plate guy twice or two different neighbour plate of food givers?

I've read in Bill Bryson books that when they moved back to the US their new neighbours brought them homebaked pies as housewarming gifts and I remember Madge and Harold in 1980's Kylie and Jason era Neighbours episodes taking people casseroles but a solitary plated up dinner is a bit, "Auntie Eileen's just come out of hospital, Angela goes round with something she can just warm up when she feels like it."

MyrtleStrumpet · 02/12/2024 20:36

He's being neighbourly, new to the area. If you don't like it just say thank you and don't meet up.

Hoppinggreen · 02/12/2024 20:39

Its very normal in some cultures, just return the plate and say thank you.
You don't have to eat it OR be rude

Tagyoureit · 02/12/2024 20:41

How sad.

Original poster
RandomUser1000 · 02/12/2024 20:44

It's the second neighbour not the second time this guy arrived.

I have no issue with anyone introducing themselves. As I said, he seems like a very nice, friendly guy. I was also polite.

I just think the food makes it awkward. It's uneaten and unnecessary.

I have no idea if he's single but he wasn't hitting on me, just friendly.

I always say hello to my neighbours but don't feed them or go around to introduce myself.

OP posts:
Allthehorsesintheworld · 02/12/2024 20:45

Practice set sentences to prevent it happening again.
I’m vegan.
I have more food allergies than you can shake a stick at.
I’m X, hope you’re settling in, I’ll leave you to eat your dinner.

Sofa1000 · 02/12/2024 20:47

What was the food? A plate of what he was having for dinner or something like a batch of samosas or baking?

StMarie4me · 02/12/2024 20:49

Gogogo12345 · 02/12/2024 20:02

And people wondering why theres no sense of community. New neighbours moan that someone has done something nice for them and would rather ignore everyone around them.
Glad I live in a friendler plauce

Quite!

KnopkaPixie · 02/12/2024 20:52

RandomUser1000 · 02/12/2024 20:44

It's the second neighbour not the second time this guy arrived.

I have no issue with anyone introducing themselves. As I said, he seems like a very nice, friendly guy. I was also polite.

I just think the food makes it awkward. It's uneaten and unnecessary.

I have no idea if he's single but he wasn't hitting on me, just friendly.

I always say hello to my neighbours but don't feed them or go around to introduce myself.

There’s two of them?

Irridescantshimmmer · 02/12/2024 20:53

That was a gesture of goodwill to you OP. Your neighbour was welcoming you to your new home and the new community you have moved into.

I am the first to recognise a man in the dog house but this one was showing you kindness, thats all.

Elizo · 02/12/2024 20:54

Just thank you but you are very busy at the moment. Job done

Wolfpa · 02/12/2024 21:02

It’s quite common to receive gifts from new neighbours where I live, you don’t need to make it into the thing that you are attempting at the moment just say thanks but no thanks.

TPJB · 02/12/2024 21:02

How awful of him. Taking a plate of food to a neighbour.

Talk about making a drama out of nothing. .

Original poster
RandomUser1000 · 02/12/2024 21:04

@KnopkaPixie this is a new neighbour. The other neighbour who did the same thing about 2 years ago has moved out.

@Irridescantshimmmer He is new, I haven't moved.

@Elizo I did say I was busy so he said he wouldn't stay long. (It was 5 min convo only)

Don't think it's his dinner,more like samosas etc. He said he likes to cook.

Wish I had thought of the allergies sooner but I was trying to be polite.

Probably just me, but I find it a little forceful or something. I much prefer to meet new neighbours and chat over time. I am really good friends with one of my former neighbours.

My only issue was the food. I would never assume anyone wants to eat what I cook or bake for all sorts of reasons diets, allergies, concerns re hygiene - they don't know if I've a clean kitchen or didn't lick the spoon and re-stir etc.

Appreciate some people think I'm harsh.

OP posts:
DeliciousApples · 02/12/2024 21:07

You can't knock back his food. That's just bad manners. He's being friendly. It's kind and thoughtful.

Take the food.
Thank him.
Next time you're baking or making samosas or whatever return the place with some food or fairy cakes or whatever on it.

It's nice to be nice. You don't want to get a reputation as the weirdo with no manners.

calmandcollected101 · 02/12/2024 21:12

He's just being polite.

In some cultures it's normal to offer food as a gesture and being neighbourly.

Same as you may see in some American neighbourhoods.

My neighbour did this when I moved to the area, I found it so thoughtful and kind.

I didn't cook for her, but just got a small gift for her newborn daughter.

Don't read into it, just appreciate having nice neighbours as we don't get them often!