If your friend was in this situation?

[H0TSUB]

My friend has two daughters. One is now non binary and changed name to a boys name and the other is in hospital with anorexia. They are 19 and 17.
I thought they were a really happy family, lots of friends and the mum and dad are both really lovely. Kids always seemed happy and they did lots together and seemed very loving family.

Now I'm wondering how they've ended up with these children with huge issues, the non binary one is autistic. Both very bright kids too. Would you assume they've had some trauma?

No I wouldn't. I would try and support my friend and her family in any way I can. I would not make horrible assumptions or mean judgements.

Possibly although it could have come from anywhere-family, school (bullying or just trying to deal with stress) or inner stresses.

You can support people in pain and still querie the origins of said pain

I wouldn't assume that no. Personally I don't think the non-binary thing is an 'issue' (don't want to debate it though!) ~ and loads of people who have eating disorders don't have trauma or 'bad' upbringing. It's just one of those things.

Autism doesn't come from trauma. Support your poor friend.

No. I'd assume they were suffering the illnesses common among highly intelligent young women who are likely to be ND.

No, I wouldn’t assume that. There is a strong link between gender dysphoria, eating disorders and ASD, so I’d be wondering about that.

Umm I don’t think you understand gender issues - they don’t come from trauma and neither does autism. You’d do well to remember that in interactions with your friend and perhaps do some reading on this before making assumptions.
Also origins of anorexia are not necessarily trauma based.

As both the non binary fad and eating disorders are a feature in ND teens I would assume both kids are ND. It's highly likely.

I too would hazard a guess that both children have autism, girls are very good at masking so all might look good, but the reality be very different.

Trauma doesn't have to be in the family either, especially if you mean sexual abuse. How many of us didn't have some inappropriate incidents happen to us as kids or teenagers? Often these things were brushed off and called silly terms like "flashing" " fondling" or "groping." They are of course potentially traumatizing forms of child sexual abuse.

You don't sound a very nice friend. You look like you are looking to judge and blame the parents. 'I don't know how they ended up with..' not nice.

I didn't realise anorexia and ND were connected. She doesn't seem to be ND though. Anyway, thanks, perhaps I was wrong

They aren't always but they can be.

I have been hospitalised with my ED many times. Never had any trauma.

I find that such an awful thing to ask. Someone could have the most perfect parents on planet earth and end up in prison for mass murder.

Your attitude towards autism is a bit upsetting tbh. It doesn't have to be a 'bad' thing and is genetic not caused by bad experiences or trauma.

Think evidence is coming out now that some eating disorders can be caused by undiagnosed ND.

No, trauma wouldn't occur to me. I would wonder whether both girls had ADHD or were autistic, though. It must be a very stressful time for the anorexic girl's parents. It must be an incredibly distressing time for them.

Why would you assume anything. Why not just be a supportive friend and not a judgemental one

I'd assume they're probably both autistic and any trauma (if there is any) has probably come from it going unrecognised/un-diagnosed for so long.

Never make assumptions about people. There may be a 'cause', there may not. But what's it to you anyway? Just support your friend in her time of need

No, I wouldn't think there was trauma. My mum suffers from serious MH issues and has had no trauma in childhood.