To fancy someone based on how they are not how they look?

[Parrotting]

On a crowded train yesterday. There was a man sitting across the aisle; normal bloke, 40ish, not someone I’d find physically attractive at all. Quite the opposite.

Elderly woman got on, quite frail looking. He stood up immediately so she could take his seat. Not only that he stood and chatted with her until she stop 20 mins away; not forced chat, just friendly conversation about where they were going, weather, Christmas, etc. He then helped her off with her bag.

There was just something about the way he was when chatting that just made me fancy him. Just really jolly and friendly, polite and respectful, in a way you don’t see so much now.

Anyway, anyone suddenly found themselves fancying someone despite their superficial first impressions? Or just me being unreasonable?

I've had this. It is behavior like that from men that make me like and respect them, which is the only way I can really fancy them!

Handsome is as handsome does. This guy sounds very handsome!

I absolutely think personality/behaviour makes the person attractive (or not). I think it’s much more important than the way they look.

That's exactly how I roll with attraction.

Me too. I’d feel disappointed if a really good looking man didn’t have a personality to match. Like an exquisitely gift wrapped parcel with a shit gift inside.

Thank you.

The thing that surprised me most is that he really wasn’t attractive (to me) physically - in the polar opposite of what I usually find attractive. Overweight, not a total scruff but not particularly well-kept. All that fell by the wayside when he started talking….

My major celebrity crush is Jack Black so yeah, I get it.

I mean, Jack Black isn't ugly, he just isn't a chiseled gym guy. I bet if he went and got a six pack people would say he was hot.

I find that personality is more attractive than looks the older I'm getting.

The primeval bit of your brain identified behaviours that would make a good dad for your offspring.

I’d imagine that it’s the same for most people, considering that the majority of the population aren’t models (and indeed, plenty of people not even what would be considered “conventionally attractive”) and yet most of us still manage to find people who want to have relationships with us throughout our lives. Personality, a pleasant demeanour, a sense of humour, being engaging and easy to get along with are more important than amazing looks for most people.

I definitely think women are less visual than men when it comes to attraction.

People’s behaviour can be eminently fanciable. I used to volunteer in my teens with a charity that took children with disabilities on days out, and and one of the other volunteers, a completely physically-unattractive skinny, weasel-like man with a buzz cut and a biker jacket, was compellingly attractive to me, purely because he was so observant, and unobtrusively kind with it.

I absolutely wish I had your instincts. It would have saved me a whole lot of pain.

Yanbu

Total game changer

YANBU. I don’t ‘fancy’ people as such, as in I can acknowledge somebody is objectively attractive but I don’t have that lust for them just because of that. The men I’ve desired the most have been ones who are average looking, or not even my type, but have proved themselves to be thoroughly decent/brave people. I couldn’t fancy somebody at all if they were ungallant, slippery or selfish.

I've always fancied people based on how they behaved, to the point that as a youngster I was secretly baffled by people fancying film stars etc. I also only sleep with people I feel a deep connection with. I thought this was normal and sensible but in modern parlance I am apparently demisexual.

I met a guy like that, not my type in looks or build. He was a friend of my boyfriend and I married him!! Over 20 years later I still fancy him and feel lucky to have him. The ex boyfriend came to our wedding and is still a good friend. My husband's kindness and thoughtfulness outweighed everything I thought I fancied in a guy.

I reminder being totally blind-sided by my attraction to dh. Apart from his height, there really was nothing physically attractive about him, and nothing turn-off, either. All gawky arms and legs, oddly chiselled face, geeky hair, glasses and dress-sense. But dear God did I fancy him, his kind, shy manner, his competence, his quiet confidence in the things he felt good about and total lack of any need to show off. His strong personal ethics. His gentle strength. His utter solidity.

The man hasn't a romantic bone in his body. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have definitely liked someone for their personality which then made me look at them completely different. Made me laugh every day, listened to me (i know this by his actions), very trust worthy but definitely wasn't my physical type. I guess that changed because now I when I see him I think he's so attractive

Yes, DH. 😁

I largely fell for him for his personality, his looks were far from my usual.

I still fancy him just as much now, in both looks and character.

Yes I have become more attracted to men because of their personality. I wasn't attracted to my husband for his looks when we met, but we just clicked and after we'd got chatting the first time, I knew I didn't want to leave his side again & suddenly I felt he was attractive and sexy .Luckily he felt the same way about me 😊 I'm no oil painting either but he still seems to fancy me after 30 years !

YADNBU OP - happened to me last year

Naturally funny & witty, very intelligent and kindness trumps looks every time

This is the only way I find people attractive. I couldn’t really describe any physical features that I find attractive. Except a kind face.