Urgent! Butt of jokes how to push back!

[ineedtowomanup]

So my colleague and I are going for a client meal today. My colleague always uses me as the butt of the jokes they make. It actually gets a bit awkward for the clients as they can see how uncomfortable it makes me.

These are key clients, people I've known years and have a respectable relationship with.

I know for a fact said colleague will again use me - I can't explain how they do it but they just take this piss out of me a bit to get a laugh and expect me to go along with it.

I just need to shut it down as professionally as possible.

Help!!

I think you shouldn't be considering pushing back against the jokes unless you just go completely silent and let her comments resonate then continue talking, ignoring her. This is a matter for HR, this isn't something that you can cope with when clients are present. It's so unprofessional.

Op has confirmed it's a woman

It's a woman. A very dominant woman, but I'm sure vulnerable underneath, there has to be a good reason for why she behaves like this.

Agree about asking her to explain what she just said - very politely of course, and with a patient smile

If you ask often enough she'll either disappear up her own embarrassment or just plain stop to save herself the awkwardness

Ecause she's a tit, don't overthink it

I would just look at him blankly for about 5 seconds and then turn to the client and continue the conversation with "anyway, what were you saying?" or similar?

Op please start writing everything down even if when u read back it seems trivial or not too bad, u need to keep evidence. Not remembering what she said won't help u in an hr situation it's the first thing they will ask x

Fucking hate this sort of snide, passive aggressive reply.

@ineedtowomanup doesnt matter if she is above, below or at the same level, it is unacceptable bullying!!!! the employers job is to protect you from this behaviour. HR will certainly be down on her! remember if they do not fix it the company can be sued by you!! bosses wont like that!

In my experience those types are actually the most vulnerable.

If you bring it up with her, expect her to brush it off/project, but internally she will take note.

Either she was a bully at school or she feels inferior to you. Maybe both. Either way, she needs to be stopped.

My Dad does this but the butt of the jokes is always my Mum. It’s the same joke for 50 years and she absolutely hates it. I tried to raise it with my Dad as he’s completely oblivious to the effect and he just got really angry so I shut up. But I hate how it clearly makes my Mum feel.

When they do it and laugh. Wait a few seconds silently and say "Sorry, why was that funny?"

If they shrug it off say "No, explain it to me"

An apology should be swift.

IF they ask you later just say honestly "Some of your jokes aren't funny theyre nasty, seems you knew that too and continued anyway. I'd like you to stop, I feel uncomfortable and it reflects badly on you"

I don't think they have. I think that's what they were asking for help with in their OP x

Try and perfect a mildly-confused-but-non-plussed face, hold for a second or two, little confused laugh then say something like ‘I must’ve missed something as that’s gone straight over my head’ big smile. Cheerfully change the subject.

It’ll make your colleague look just everso slightly tipsy/odd/unprofessional without making you look defensive or stroppy.

Ask them to explain the joke as you didn't understand. Then wait for them try to explain how they are trying to insult you
It doesn't always work. We have a bloke in the office like this. A colleague asked him to explain. He just said' its not that hard to figure out what i mean surely'
Absolutely no shits given when challenged.

I wouldn't go with asking her to explain - not in front of a client, as it could backfire and make you look bad.

I've worked with someone like this previously. I found that a small and tight smile that makes it very clear you are only doing so for form's sake, followed by a quick change of subject, works very well. Repeat every single time she does it.

If the client is happy to keep following your lead on the change of subject then it will get the message across to her quite neatly. And then you've made your point without having to say anything. If she brings it up with you then a brisk "I've always thought that going for cheap laughs at someone else's expense just makes the joker look insecure" should do the trick.

I’d be direct and speak to them before hand. If it continues go to HR. Stick up for yourself, don’t decide to not do anything because it might be awkward

A client lunch is not the place to do this. Op needs to take him aside before the event.

Theses kind of digs are very rarely done in the form of jokes - they are usually subtle and underhand, almost too slippery to pin down

If you don't want to speak with HR can you make the point that she's not funny obvious, in a mildly humorous way, or is that still not good ie

"Although Jane's jokes aren't very funny she's actually an excellent buyer for our company and we are delighted to have you on board with this project, so moving into next months projections ..."

ie not being too sarcastic, delivered with a smile, letting it wash over you as though it's no big deal and nobody should bother with it.

Or is that still bad form as it's in front of a company??!! I suppose it depends on how well you can deliver the line nicely and how well you know them?

Have you actually had a conversation about it with her about it?

Nail on the head.

I have a "friend" like the OP's colleague. Funnily enough she has also started to behave. I think she realised I'm not a threat. So we jog along. But I'll never really trust her.

Pull aside and threaten them with whatever you’ve got - he/she sounds a prat

Yes!!!!! This is it, often quick witted and so hard to pin down,