Urgent! Butt of jokes how to push back!

[ineedtowomanup]

So my colleague and I are going for a client meal today. My colleague always uses me as the butt of the jokes they make. It actually gets a bit awkward for the clients as they can see how uncomfortable it makes me.

These are key clients, people I've known years and have a respectable relationship with.

I know for a fact said colleague will again use me - I can't explain how they do it but they just take this piss out of me a bit to get a laugh and expect me to go along with it.

I just need to shut it down as professionally as possible.

Help!!

@Aposterhasnoname completely agree when you

With you

Many years ago, I had to do this with a friend. After the event concerned, I tackled him at a quiet moment, saying that his "joking" had been unfunny and made me uncomfortable.
He blustered, did the usual classic lines about my having no sense of humour, being too sensitive - but never did it again.
It's worth giving your colleague a chance to reflect on their actions, as it has become a thoughtless habit; a word before the next meeting sounds an excellent idea.
If they choose to plough on regardless, by all means escalate, clear in your own mind that you have given them a fair chance, whether they deserved it or not.

Absolutely agree with this - have a firm conversation with him ahead of time.

Paddington stare made me grin!

There isn't a win here. I snapped back during one of these things, made me look like the aggressive one. The thing is, if they don't see that it's a regular thing, it will just appear that they made a joke and you snapped back with no sense of humour. Ignore it like their joke fell flat, that's way worse.

Why can't you tell them straight.

Look here Bertha/Brian, stop making me the butt if your jokes. No one finds it funny and you just come off looking like a prat. The clients we are meeting today are lovely, let's create a good lasting impression instead of making them feel uncomfortable by cringing at your jibes at me masked as jokes.

Lure colleague out into the car park afterwards and fuck him up with a bat (I've assumed it's a him because obviously it is).

Alternatively, HR

These kind of people often escalate after a confrontation. I agree with PPs who suggested just asking what they mean or asking them to explain the joke to you. Shake your head, say you don't get it, can they just explain it one more time. The joke is sly but having to explain it makes them look a right arsehole in front of everyone.

Talking to them beforehand could backfire and make them worse.
I'd probably say something like "Not funny, colleague" and immediately change the subject so there is no room for them to argue. Then I'd be going to HR and raising a bullying claim as per the acas description

Although there is no legal definition of bullying, it can be described as unwanted behaviour from a person or group that is either: offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting. an abuse or misuse of power that undermines, humiliates, or causes physical or emotional harm to someone

I like, “I’m not quite sure how to take that, Brendan” quizzically but coolly.

have you ever met a man

Just reply "Ouch."

It's what my MP does, works a treat. It's not long/involved enough for him to twist it as a reporting to HR thing with you being blamed. Also conveys it's not okay.

I think its bad advice to suggest that they should leave a clent meeting.

Do you work with GregG Wallace...?

May I suggest a corkscrew to the temple of your colleague? Just a quick poke, a menacing “keep your stupid mouth fucking shut” and then dust down your suit and behave like nothing happened. Maybe a mumsnet tinkly laugh and head tilt afterward?

or alternatively follow advice that probably isn’t as effective but won’t land you in a police cell.

I really hate when people who make jokes at the expense of others, they’re always shite jokes made by unfunny people. And they’re almost always designed to make the teller seem better than they are and to belittle others.

but asking them to stop or HR is probably the way forward. Good luck Pal x

(but if you do ever fancy a few hours in a cell I’ll have Amazon deliver a really good corkscrew if you PM me your address 😂)

Oh, besides corkscrew to the temple my friend who uses MN sometimes (if she reads this, hello!) had a manager who tried to make fun of her with shitty jokes.
Friend waited until manager said something really unfunny and a bit cringe and she said loudly something to the effect of, “right, did you get your David Brent bit out of the way? Good, let’s crack on” and made her manager look a complete tit.
Would something like that work?

I like that.

I would speak to the colleague beforehand and say “I hope you don’t plan to embarrass yourself again today”. Let them know their jokes are inappropriate and unprofessional. You are doing them a favour by letting them know, as in their attempt to undermine you they are are actually undermining themselves.

@ineedtowomanup how did you get on today?

Put it in writing beforehand and copy in your boss and his boss (if they are different people).

Give concrete examples of what he's done in the past and say he's made clients feel very uncomfortable. Say he's clearly trying to make a fool of you and it's unprofessional and calls the reputation of the company into question.

It really upsets me. It’s like kicking the original poster when they’re down. I don’t know if the posters realise how it comes across.

Hi sorry just been in the lunch meeting. It's another woman. We're both equally senior so it's a hard one to go to HR over.

Today wasn't as bad as times before, she was oddly polite!! Slightly worried she'd read this thread. I guess though I kept the convo going with the clients. She didn't get to say a huge amount.

It's the belittling I can't stand, it's also ever so subtle at times. A very clever woman.

You can still take it to HR or your manager if you're at the same level of seniority. She's behaving very inappropriately both towards the client and to you. That's not what they're paying her for.

Yes I think I need to just have a good think about some very specific examples to take to HR.