How much to spend

[Charltonstrek]

Hi just wondering if you have an only grown up ds how much you would spend on Christmas and birthdays
The reason I ask is that I've been told I go way over the top as he's now an adult my expenditure as always been around £900 combined as his Christmas and birthday is on the same day.

Fair enough if you can afford it but that is really excessive.

How old is he? And does he have a partner or friends that buy for him?

I would never expect my parents to spend that much on me but I guess it depends on your level of income, to some folk that’s probably peanuts!

He's 23 and just started earning as he was in uni

At the end of the day, if you can afford to, and want to, go for it, screw what anyone else says 😂

My family is fairly dysfunctional, so I took over buying the 'big' presents for my siblings when they were teens. We're all adults now but I still spend circa £500 each on them ~ sounds absolutely batshit to anyone I tell (not many people!) but I can afford it, want to, and they appreciate it so I don't give it any more headspace.

On the flip side my parents don't buy me anything AT ALL except participating in the secret Santa they suggested/demanded, so they only pay £30 each rather than actually buy their own children gifts 💁‍♀️

I think that’s fine - do it while you can, I think it’s rather lovely iI’d have loved this but sadly my tight arse parents stopped buying for all of us when we turned 18

This year is his 1st time he will have a partner buy for him. He has friends but they don't buy each other. He has some aunties that give him

Awww not good

I have a (just turned) adult daughter but she's not an only child, she has a toddler sister. I've spent the same on each of them, around £450, so £900 total. But my adult child will have that mostly in cash and just a few gifts as that's what she's requested. If her birthday was the same day I'd probably add 150-200 onto her total as that's what I spend on her birthday, or thereabouts. I'd spend more on her if she didn't have a younger sibling, so I don't think your amount is wildly excessive.

Even if money is not an issue, what are you actually buying him with £900?!

Is it useful stuff like a laptop?

Much better to save at least half that money for his future eg house, wedding!

If you can afford it and are getting things he wants/needs/will use rather than just spending an amount because that's what you think you should do then it's fine. If you're buying useless tatt that will end up in landfill just for the sake of buying something or spending a certain amount or going into debt yourself then not fine.

My sons birthday is also Christmas (he's turning 5 though) and I think I probably spend about 600 (for both) it's my oldest sons birthday on the 23rd and he gets the same, I start saving in January 😂
They have a ps5 to share this year for birthdays they only play hotwheels & Minecraft
I'm not sure I'd be spending that much on them if they were adults and earning money, but I'm not there yet so who knows really
But he's your son and if your happy with that then I think it's fine 🖤

I mean it's all proportional to your income no?
As long as you are not counting pennies in another parts of your life...it doesn't matter.

Does seem a lot, I'd do more like £100 each on Christmas and same again on their birthdays, but I do have 3, plus a couple of partners now in the mix to be bought for, plus I would tend to treat them to a meal out with all of us and/or some kind of day out together around christmas which gets pricey for everyone so I guess all in I do end up spending about that

I don't work to a target or a budget, I tend just to get DD what she wants/needs that year.

For instance the year she needed a bike was more pricey than the years she's wanted Barbie stuff.

She is much younger though.

If I'm more generous one year I always say that I won't always be able to do that. Now that he's working he won't need such a lot spending on him. It also gets difficult if he's got a partner as if you overload him with gifts she might get annoyed that her gifts don't look as good.

If you have the money, instead of impulsively spending a lot on him, switch next year to one present for Christmas, one for birthday and the rest in a savings account.

As an adult, I would be mortified that my mum spent this much money on me. I am working, I don't need her to finance expensive "wants". My friends, who a very wealthy, have been known to buy their kids iMacs for Christmas and their eldest got a flat for her 18th birthday. If you are in that sort of income category, £900 seems fine. If you have to scrimp and save and go without, it is probably too much.

Of course, you can do whatever you think is appropriate, I would just find it really uncomfortable accepting this sort of a gift from my parents every year. I feel difficult accepting £50 from my granny, to be honest, but I know how important it is to her to spoil me.

What do you get him?

If I could afford it, I'd definitely treat my children.
Mine are still teen/tween, and I can't afford £900 each, but could easily spend that. Not least because they get pretty much nothing from anyone else other than their father (we are separated), no external family on my side, and his don't 'do Christmas'. I'd say gifting is one of my love languages though, and I like to compensate for what my children don't get from other family members.

I can easily imagine £900 could go fast on:
a piece of tech (earpods. phone. laptop)
aftershave/perfume (a designer one is £50-200ish)
couple of nice items of clothing - hoody £50-75, tshirt £30, socks £10
lotions and potions £50

Easily all adds up.

I have a 23 year old( +2 others) and I'm on a very limited income
This year I have spent £100 fortnightly Christmas and £150 on birthdays
£900 to me is a huge amount, but if he is appreciative and doesn't expect it then that's ok if you can comfortably afford it.

For not fortnightly!
They have 2 presents each as I never buy without a code or reduction!

What does he need at that level of spend each year?

I'd expect about £20 occasionally up to £50 if there's something particular I might want from my parents.

If you want to spend it, fine but once you have a laptop etc, what else is there? Would it be better spent supporting him in other ways rather than on stuff for the sake of it?

I was going to say, you probably 'win' the thread with spending that much fortnightly 😂

We have a young adult dc whose birthday is close to Christmas & on average we spend more than that. It's our choice & we can afford to.
Spend what you feel is right & don't worry about anyone else!
I'm sure your ds appreciates it, I know our dc does.

We spend about £300 each on DDs but at some point (when they are out of education and earning) it will be a bit less, probably half that.

The first answer is always don't spend more than you can afford.

DD1 at university with a PT job, actually only asked for things which cost less than £200 in total this year but I wanted to try and spend about the same on both of them.

Nowhere near that! I don't think I spend that much in a year on dd.

Probably £70-100, double combined.