Page 2 | How much to spend

Charltonstrek · 2024-12-02T11:04:47+00:00

Hi just wondering if you have an only grown up ds how much you would spend on Christmas and birthdays The reason I ask is that I've been told I go way over the top as he's now an adult my expenditure as always been around £900 combined as his Christmas and birthday is on the same day.

Christmaseason · 02/12/2024 16:29

I have 3 adult DC and spend approximately £160 on them for Christmas and £100 for their birthdays.
I froze the amount a couple of years ago so they will gradually get less.

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 02/12/2024 16:38

The advice my sister gave me once sums it up:

‘Adults don’t need presents. What they want, they can usually afford to buy, and if they can’t afford to buy it that’s because of one of two things; it’s either grossly expensive (and so you should not be buying it either as a present) or it’s because they are struggling financially, in which case they need more than a present - they need proper support and help from you as their parent not to have money thrown at them two days of the year.’

maxelly · 02/12/2024 17:31

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 02/12/2024 16:38

The advice my sister gave me once sums it up:

‘Adults don’t need presents. What they want, they can usually afford to buy, and if they can’t afford to buy it that’s because of one of two things; it’s either grossly expensive (and so you should not be buying it either as a present) or it’s because they are struggling financially, in which case they need more than a present - they need proper support and help from you as their parent not to have money thrown at them two days of the year.’

While this is reasonable and logical advice, I do think it's one of the privileges and pleasures of being a (relatively well off) parent to (only-just) grown-ups to be able to treat them a little from time to time. Of course it's totally dependent on your own income and financial situation but I do think taking the line of 'adults don't need presents so we don't bother' is a little sad.

My DC are all grown up now, they're all self-supporting and live reasonably privileged and comfortable lifestyles for their ages, but because they're (for the most part!) sensible and forward thinking young people, they live relatively frugally and are focused a lot on saving for the future, house deposits or prioritising future career prospects over immediate income or similar. This does leave a bit of a gap for me to buy them little luxuries they wouldn't be likely to treat themselves to even if they could technically afford it, or to buy them a new piece of useful tech or gadget a little sooner or a bit of better version than they would get for themselves, or a nice experience like theatre tickets or a day out they wouldn't prioritise. I suppose on the strictest logical principles none of this is necessary and maybe I should just be topping up their savings accounts with the requisite money to give them full control of the income, or bah humbugging and stopping all frivolous gifts the second they turn 18 and saving the money towards their eventual inheritance, but that's a bit joyless and short sighted IMO. By the time they get their inheritance (I hope!) they'll be parents themselves and rightfully prioritizing their own DCs' future, so when are they ever supposed to enjoy and benefit from (some of) my money if not now?

Even though they're well into adulthood they still enjoy getting a stocking full of small thoughful presents plus maybe a bigger gift under the tree (or being treated in some other less tangible way) - and being the giver gives me a lot of pleasure too, perhaps even more so TBH than it does them. For the sake of £100 or £150 each I really don't think it makes a huge difference to either of our finances (I do realise I'm v. privileged here) but it does make Christmas special and fun. I get that £900 sounds a huge amount in one go but OP only has the one DC and it's for Christmas and his birthday, I suspect very many of us do 'fritter away' that much money on tat or silly things even for loved ones over the course of a year, easily done if you're buying for lots of people for Christmas and birthdays, or indeed on things for ourselves if we're not big present givers. If she can easily afford it and it brings joy who is anyone else to say she should only stick to a certain MN approved amount or not spend at all?

Christmaseason · 02/12/2024 17:38

‘Adults don’t need presents. What they want, they can usually afford to buy, and if they can’t afford to buy it that’s because of one of two things; it’s either grossly expensive (and so you should not be buying it either as a present) or it’s because they are struggling financially, in which case they need more than a present - they need proper support and help from you as their parent not to have money thrown at them two days of the year.’

I don’t agree with this.

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 02/12/2024 18:18

Christmaseason · 02/12/2024 17:38

‘Adults don’t need presents. What they want, they can usually afford to buy, and if they can’t afford to buy it that’s because of one of two things; it’s either grossly expensive (and so you should not be buying it either as a present) or it’s because they are struggling financially, in which case they need more than a present - they need proper support and help from you as their parent not to have money thrown at them two days of the year.’

I don’t agree with this.

You don't have to. It's a free country...for now.

Obbydoo · 02/12/2024 18:25

I'd be horrified if I thought my parents were spending that much on me. I'd put a stop to it if I was your child for fear of looking grabby.