AIBU to still feel shaken up by this?

[LiverpoolInLondon]

Hi!

I posted on here recently about something else, I hope it’s ok to post about this too now.

basically I had a medical procedure which I feel like has effected me a lot more than I initially realised. bit embarrassing since I’m a 48 year old woman and feel like I should grow up a bit but it’s still had an effect on me

I had to have my heart electrically shocked back to normal as an emergency in a&e. This time I seemed to take a bit of a reaction to the drugs- I remember it going in and suddenly going from being calm and not particularly stressed to suddenly being hysterical. I was crying and trying to rip off the oxygen mask at one point. I could see and hear things but it was all blurry and weird, sort of like looking at something from underwater. I just remember in my head thinking to myself that this was it and I was dying, and in my head i kept thinking over and over again that I was about to die. It was horrific. Then I felt a massive thud from the electrical shock- I actually remember screaming and grabbing my chest and I can sort of remember the pain all over my body and I remember thinking my feet felt really weird after the shock, like sort of tingly. And I felt my entire body sort of jolt with the shock.

It’s strange now looking back at it though because I don’t actually remember much about it. I have a blurry memory of screaming out ‘no more shocks’ over and over again after that because I was terrified. it also took more than 1 shock to fix my heart although I only have memories of one.

It was a very busy hospital (london) and the team helping me were utterly fantastic, there was about 10 people there helping out and honestly they were brilliant. I actually heard one of the nurses chatting to another nurse and saying how upsetting it had been to watch

I don’t know why it’s affected me so much. I’m so relieved it fixed my heart but it was so frightening., I remember being convinced I was going to die and thinking this it is, then having the worst pain ever and feeling a huge thud go through me and it was so frightening.

apologies for the long post. Just wondered if it’s normal to still feel slightly affected/shaken up over a month later? I feel bad for being upset by it because I had 10 amazing staff in an incredibly busy hospital in london giving me amazing care and I don’t want to be ungrateful for that. But it was just so frightening. Anyone have any experience with similar and have any advice for not being so shaken up by it? Does it get easier in time? Thanks 😀

Absolutely OK to still be traumatised by this.
Time will help the feelings subside but that's no great comfort now.
Your confidence in yourself and your body has to rebuild. Nothing was in your control.

Can you speak to someone? Get some therapy?

Be kind to yourself and hope you are getting physically better.

Mate, seriously. You almost died. That procedure to stop and start your heart is terrifying.

Cut yourself some slack.

You're alive and apparently well. What else is there to say?

That sounds really traumatic, be kind to yourself x

I haven't been through this but I do recall having surgery and having a bizarre reaction to the meds that made me feel like I was being suffocated. I had very vivid "memories" of being resuscitated although my medical records have absolutely no mention of this.

It bothered me for a long time.

It is normal to feel like you do @LiverpoolInLondon be kind to yourself. But perhaps seek out some taling therapy so it doesn't become something more than it needs to be.

It's clearly a big thing to have gone through, OP.

Is there a suitable talking therapy service in your area which might be able to help?

https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-NHS-talking-therapies-service/

Yes, totally normal. Your memory of events will be fractured because that’s what happens with trauma. Over time as you talk about it, possibly dream about it and as you sooth yourself your subconscious will piece it all together but in the meantime you’re likely to feel anxious, hyper vigilant etc. It really does take time after something traumatic - you need to look after yourself and give yourself time to heal. If things don’t feel better in a few weeks therapy might be helpful. EMDR can be really useful for one off trauma, but give yourself time.

Gosh OP, that's a shock for you. Of course you will probably still feel traumatised, don't be hard on yourself. Perhaps talk it through with a counsellor. But I'd say 100% normal to feel that way after a month or more.

Bloody hell OP that sounds like a massively traumatic (though ultimately successful) medical procedure.

I don't think you need to beat yourself up for "being unable to pull yourself together". It was frightening, intense, painful and emotional. I agree that being able to talk it through with a professional, perhaps someone who can access the medical notes with you, would be useful.

It doesn't mean you're not grateful to all the staff who helped you and your reactions both during and after the experience were not "wrong".

That OP survived a traumatic experience - thinking you are going to die is traumatic. It sounds like you might have some symptoms of PTSD.

Unnecessary

You have PTSD, it can be unbearable to live with, and you might find EMDR therapy very helpful. Talk to your GP as soon as you can.

Oh goodness that is an upsetting and scary thing to go through. There a documentary about a dr going through the same thing. I believe the general advice is it take 6 week to process a traumatic event and for some people it’s longer. If you continue to struggle with after Christmas I would speak to your GP.

Definitely post traumatic stress. Go and get some therapy because these types of one off events are quite easy to work through (as opposed to long term childhood trauma which is a bitch to treat)

That sort of thing is incredibly scary, it’s no wonder you are struggling to process op. Please be kind to yourself and give it time. If you feel you need to, do speak to your gp too.

Blimey, you’re nice!

Hi OP i think it is totally normal.

I've had three GA in two years and two of them were horrific, I get terrible mad spins going under, I'm terrified of the feeling it gives me when the propofol hits me. I also HATE the speed at which they get you into the room and put you under. My head spins from it all.

My most recent one in the summer was awful. I've had therapy for months to try to deal with this. I think about it over and over again.

Agree with Pp's - be kind to yourself and consider therapy or counselling of some kind.

Give over, is that what you’d say to soldiers coming back from war?

PTSD is very real, and you can have it from any situation where you almost died.

OP I had a traumatic birth - I nearly died, it’s a miracle I didn’t to be honest. I’ll never stop being grateful for the team that saved me and my baby. I did have a form of PTSD from it however - the relief and gratitude at being alive doesn’t stop that. It took me a while to work through it, and talking therapy has really helped.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Clearly your system thought it was fighting for its life and that’s not something you can get over quickly. Take good care of yourself. Go back to those moments in your mind as often as you feel comfortable and tell yourself it’s ok now, you are safe, thats in the past. The more you can look into it safely, the more you can think of it as something that happened and not something you are still very much in danger of.

A few years ago I had a life threatening medical emergency. By far the hardest thing about the whole situation for me was the mental health effects. It was incredibly traumatic, for the first few days out of hospital I didn't want dh to leave me alone at all, even at home in my own bed I felt so scared and vulnerable. I barely slept for the first few weeks, I think my body was in fight or flight mode. I felt stupid for being so shook up by it all, as far as everyone else was concerned I was lucky, they saved my life, I should be grateful and happy, move on. It took quite a few months but gradually the intense feelings faded.

Just be kind to yourself and give yourself time. You mind and body have been through something awful and need time to heal. Until then though it is ok to feel how you do, you can be grateful and still feel traumatised and scared. It can be a very lonely feeling so it's great that you have reached out to talk about it.

Sounds like could be ptsd x

emdr can be helpful for this type of scenario

Thanks everyone. It’s reassuring to know that it’s normal to still feel shaken up at this stage.Was definitely a very scary experience x

Not sure what point you’re trying to make?