AIBU to still feel shaken up by this?

[LiverpoolInLondon]

Hi!

I posted on here recently about something else, I hope it’s ok to post about this too now.

basically I had a medical procedure which I feel like has effected me a lot more than I initially realised. bit embarrassing since I’m a 48 year old woman and feel like I should grow up a bit but it’s still had an effect on me

I had to have my heart electrically shocked back to normal as an emergency in a&e. This time I seemed to take a bit of a reaction to the drugs- I remember it going in and suddenly going from being calm and not particularly stressed to suddenly being hysterical. I was crying and trying to rip off the oxygen mask at one point. I could see and hear things but it was all blurry and weird, sort of like looking at something from underwater. I just remember in my head thinking to myself that this was it and I was dying, and in my head i kept thinking over and over again that I was about to die. It was horrific. Then I felt a massive thud from the electrical shock- I actually remember screaming and grabbing my chest and I can sort of remember the pain all over my body and I remember thinking my feet felt really weird after the shock, like sort of tingly. And I felt my entire body sort of jolt with the shock.

It’s strange now looking back at it though because I don’t actually remember much about it. I have a blurry memory of screaming out ‘no more shocks’ over and over again after that because I was terrified. it also took more than 1 shock to fix my heart although I only have memories of one.

It was a very busy hospital (london) and the team helping me were utterly fantastic, there was about 10 people there helping out and honestly they were brilliant. I actually heard one of the nurses chatting to another nurse and saying how upsetting it had been to watch

I don’t know why it’s affected me so much. I’m so relieved it fixed my heart but it was so frightening., I remember being convinced I was going to die and thinking this it is, then having the worst pain ever and feeling a huge thud go through me and it was so frightening.

apologies for the long post. Just wondered if it’s normal to still feel slightly affected/shaken up over a month later? I feel bad for being upset by it because I had 10 amazing staff in an incredibly busy hospital in london giving me amazing care and I don’t want to be ungrateful for that. But it was just so frightening. Anyone have any experience with similar and have any advice for not being so shaken up by it? Does it get easier in time? Thanks 😀

You are describing a very common and quite frankly logical response to such an occurrence. It’s called PTSD. Please speak to your GP if you are having difficulty sleeping, focusing at work, tuning out when driving, or it’s affecting you socially. As I said, it,s logical.

No point, I think. Just not very nice. Ignore.
You are reacting to a bloody big shock; there is no textbook response, but your feelings are those of many who have experienced trauma, planned or otherwise.
I had a bit of a meltdown in the local high street 2 years after completing cancer treatment; it suddenly hit me (having sailed through unexpected diagnosis and treatment without a tear shed, or mortality considered!).
Take care

Ignore this meff luv.
No wonder you're traumatised!
I had a heart problem last year and collapsed, losing consciousness. I didn't even have to get zapped, but the mere trauma of having tachycardia, and drifting away while hearing them say they were taking me to Re-sus was terrifying. I was convinced I was dying. I had loads of therapy afterwards to make the fear go away.
No wonder you thought you were dying, and I can't imagine the pain of being zapped.
Go easy on yourself and get some therapy ♥️

Echoing a previous poster, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy can really help with this kind of trauma ....X

I haven't had this procedure but I was very poorly about two years ago and genuinely thought I was dying. It was very frightening. I felt very vulnerable for quite a while afterwards, probably about six months. I just felt very shaken by the whole thing. But it did wear off, I seemed to just come to an accommodation with it. I hope you feel less vulnerable soon. It sounds like you had a v traumatic time and it will take a while to get over that.

The definition of trauma used to be a situation where you or another person died or almost died so you definitely meet that. PTSD is only diagnosed more than 3 months after the incident - so in fact, up until that point, it is not unusual to be shaken up have lot of thoughts of the trauma, feel very very upset, etc etc. You are having a perfectly normal reaction - do you have people you can speak to about how you feel? Please dont feel bad about it - even if they were great, you were in a terrifying situation and you are entitled to how you feel about it. You may not get treatment on the NHS because you are less than 3 months from the incident, but if you work and have an EAP or have any other way of accessing therapy, that may be helpful. Alternatively, sometimes hospitals will offer the chance to have a review meeting about what happened and although that can seem scary and daunting, they can be very very helpful. Take care.

What a vile comment.

Be kind to yourself OP. You almost died and it took a serious medical procedure to save you. That’s traumatic and has likely induced a form of PTSD. I think feeling shaken up is entirely normal. Have you someone you can talk to about it ? If not see your GP and ask if there’s any support you can access, such as talking therapy. It might help. Wishing you well and glad you’re still with us !!

The keyboard warriors were out and about early today weren’t they?

I had a very traumatic birth experience nearly 17 years ago, and another situation 14 years ago when my DS2 nearly died.
I don't know what I thought PTSD was before that, but I do know it took me a long time to process both experiences.
Try to get some help if you can, you've been through something pretty major.

Ahh OP I'm so sorry this happened it must have been scary! I actually felt a bit upset reading it so I can't imagine how you feeling remembering it. I'm not at all surprised you still feel shocked/traumatised, it must have been horrendous! Do you have any support? Definitely agree with others about trying some talking therapy etc. Take care of yourself lovely 💖

Thank you so much for all the nice comments. I’ll give it some more time and doesn’t get better then I’ll see about some therapy after Christmas. I think i initially underestimated the effect it had on me but these things take time so I’ll give it some more time. Just a very scary experience x

Just reading about that is traumatic!

You're doing very well indeed. Take it easy and perhaps investigate counselling if it continues to affect you.

What an idiotic thing to say to someone who almost died.

To add a medical perspective here - obviously I don't know the drugs used in your case but adenosine (used to correct abnormal heart rhythms) has the very common effect of an impending sense of doom - doctors are taught that patients feel like they are going to die. Also, depending on what they used to sedate you, ketamine can cause unpleasant hallucinations even though you are conscious. It is meant to have an amnesiac effect so you won't remember but not guaranteed.

I would definitely contact your care team and ask for a debrief - gives you an outside perspective of your care which may help alone, or in conjunction with therapy.

The medication stopped your heart, it is a normal reaction to feel you were dying and be terrified.
Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself time to get over it. Hopefully in time the memories will fade. I wouldn't consider therapy yet, it's too soon.

Thanks!

yeah I’ve had adenosine a few times (cardiac arythmias unfortunately) and I hate the feeling of it. It really does feel like you’re dying and it’s awful. I think for the cardioversion I was given propofol and ketamine but I’m not 100% sure. I’ve been cardioverted before and it wasn’t as bad, this time the arythmia was more stubborn so I think they had to use more electricity and that’s possibly why it felt worse than before. I’m certain I remember the pain and being jolted but now I’m not even sure if it was just a hallucination. I definitely felt it but it’s all a blur.

Just a horrible experience but very grateful to the amazing staff who got my heart working normally again! x