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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Honestly AITA…

33 replies

Onegoingontwo · 29/11/2024 00:49

So, we have just been to watch a gig. Me, DH and some friends. The whole time DH is literally grabbing at my neck, shoulders, clothes… anywhere he can and I’m literally fighting to stay upright as the whole time I’m being used as a leaning post. I think DH was meant to be endearing, but after every request to stop and every desperate bid to run away he was following me and not getting the picture. So for three hours during the whole length of the gig I couldn’t enjoy myself but I didn’t let it ruin my night. Then the second to last song I went to the toilet and by the time I came out people were leaving so I lost my group. I ended up stuck, no one was moving. DH was phoning me but signal and service was bad so the conversations weren’t great. Eventually I got out and eventually I found DH and friends but by this point DH was fuming and was saying things like “I always do this” and “I’m a liar” when this is simply not true. I ended up crying because of the berating and the personal attack and our friends consoled me and not him. So now he hates me and told me he doesn’t like me and we walked back home in total and complete silence. I just don’t see what I’ve done but I’ve done something, and would be grateful if someone pointed it out.

OP posts:
LetsRedecorate · 29/11/2024 00:54

theres having a good time and then there’s being disrespectful - which is what he has been to you! I’m sorry you’ve not enjoyed your night. Your friends can see he was being an arse as well. It’s nice to be lovey dovey - if that how you usually are together. But it sounds like he was totally other the too and grabby - which is not nice. I’d definitely be disgusted if my partner behaved like this.

He was in the wrong.

EnhancedVampireEyeballs · 29/11/2024 00:56

If you have to make a 'desperate bid to run away' from your husband , that's not a marriage I'd want to be in. Are you okay?

GildedRage · 29/11/2024 01:03

no excuses for his touchy feely can't stand up behavior, but do you always take off to the toilet before the end so you can beat the rush?
or do you always get touched out in public and need some private alone time?

BreadInCaptivity · 29/11/2024 01:08

If an evening out ends up in spending most of it trying to get away from your partner and crying at the end it, I'd suggest you need to ditch the partner.

allthatfalafel · 29/11/2024 01:30

Sounds like you've all had too much to drink. And yes it is annoying having to wait ages for people.

Dimpliy · 29/11/2024 01:34

He was leaning on you and touching you after you repeatedly asked you to stop.

He then punished you by blaming you getting caught up in a crowd.

He then sulked and gave you silent treatment.

It's all completely awful behaviour. Even one of these bad but all 3 combined tell me he is horrible.

Dimpliy · 29/11/2024 01:34

allthatfalafel · 29/11/2024 01:30

Sounds like you've all had too much to drink. And yes it is annoying having to wait ages for people.

Why blame her for his abusive behaviour?

Codlingmoths · 29/11/2024 01:45

I don’t think you’re the asshole here. Does he always ignore how you feel?

healthybychristmas · 29/11/2024 01:46

I am afraid you have married a complete and utter knob.

TheScoop · 29/11/2024 01:51

LTB.

ItGhoul · 29/11/2024 01:57

Was he drunk?

ThinWomansBrain · 29/11/2024 02:00

"I just don’t see what I’ve done"

Married a complete twat by the sound of it.

madaboutpurple · 29/11/2024 02:37

I agree with the statement that you married a twat! Are you planning to leave him. Men are truly horrible at times.

poormenagain · 29/11/2024 03:01

I don't see how you'd be an arsehole/asshole, or unreasonable. But the way you've described it, your husband is sounding like both. Since you're married, I'm guessing you've known each other/been a couple for a while. Is he often like this, or does it seem out of character and surprising?

(1) He shouldn't be touching you when you've clearly asked him to stop, that's an absolute hard "no" and you don't need a reason. I'm not sure how he was "not getting the picture"?

(2) It sounds like there might have been unclear communication around your going to the toilet - did your group not know where you'd gone? One thing I'd do differently is switch to text instead of trying to talk when the signal's low - more chance the texts will eventually get through, and less frustrating. You could also agree in advance where to meet if you get separated, as it can be hard to talk during the concert. But if your friends were understanding about the wait/confusion, don't you think your husband's maybe being kind of a jerk? Also, what did he mean by calling you a liar?

(3) he hates me and told me he doesn’t like me and we walked back home in total and complete silence sounds abusive, but there's maybe a difference if it's a one-off and he sobers up, apologises, and doesn't repeat the behaviour vs if he has form for this and/or he continues to act like a child, sulk, and tell you you're a poopyhead even when he sobers up. If he goes on giving you the silent treatment because the two of you had an argument, that's a big red flag for abuse.

betterangels · 29/11/2024 04:09

So now he hates me and told me he doesn’t like me and we walked back home in total and complete silence

I'm a great believer in listening when people tell me who they are. You should listen to him and act accordingly. He sounds pretty awful.

RickiRaccoon · 29/11/2024 04:40

Assuming you were all drinking? He was being overly touchy feely. You made a decision to go toilet at a slightly inopportune time. He was then being overly belligerent. I'd chalk it up to too much alcohol, no one being that reasonable (mostly him), and move on.

bluebeck · 29/11/2024 04:50

He sounds immature and selfish. Do you really want to spend the rest of your precious life with him?

BakedBeanies · 29/11/2024 05:08

@Onegoingontwo

I’d never go to a gig with my other half if I want a good time. Next time, go
out without him.

Onegoingontwo · 29/11/2024 07:10

Thanks for all your messages. I went for him and our friends, I don’t really know the band or like any of their songs. I told them I needed a wee and tbh I don’t think any of us assumed it was their second to last song otherwise I would have waited. I think it was 10.15pm and the gig said it would finish at 11 so I thought I had time. We still haven’t spoken but we’ve been asleep since those messages, hopefully he can apologise and see what he’s done. I’ll give him space to do that but I’m not sure our friends will and I ain’t going to stop them! It’s just not nice feeling like I’m the bad guy and you’ve all reassured me I’m not so thank you.

OP posts:
Worriednanof1 · 29/11/2024 08:45

Following with interest to see if the twat apologises.

Igmum · 29/11/2024 09:09

He's a knob. YADNBU.

pinkfondu · 29/11/2024 09:20

He doesn't like you, believe him

TidalRiver · 29/11/2024 09:24

Onegoingontwo · 29/11/2024 07:10

Thanks for all your messages. I went for him and our friends, I don’t really know the band or like any of their songs. I told them I needed a wee and tbh I don’t think any of us assumed it was their second to last song otherwise I would have waited. I think it was 10.15pm and the gig said it would finish at 11 so I thought I had time. We still haven’t spoken but we’ve been asleep since those messages, hopefully he can apologise and see what he’s done. I’ll give him space to do that but I’m not sure our friends will and I ain’t going to stop them! It’s just not nice feeling like I’m the bad guy and you’ve all reassured me I’m not so thank you.

But this presumably isn't an isolated incident, or you'd be far more taken aback. What's in this marriage for you?

Ruggsey · 29/11/2024 09:29

WTF have I read?
Why are you with this nasty prick?

So he has let his mask slip in front of friends? Good.
Is this really the future you want?

AlexaSetATimer · 29/11/2024 09:33

Dimpliy · 29/11/2024 01:34

He was leaning on you and touching you after you repeatedly asked you to stop.

He then punished you by blaming you getting caught up in a crowd.

He then sulked and gave you silent treatment.

It's all completely awful behaviour. Even one of these bad but all 3 combined tell me he is horrible.

This.

He is AWFUL. What a prick.

You've not done anything wrong, (except for not telling him clearly to fuck off out of your face at the gig, and maybe out of your life by now!) he is the one being a wanker (as your friends can see - they are probably desperate for you to dump him.