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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I sad for sitting in a pub by myself?

38 replies

iCantStopppEating · 26/11/2024 20:35

I’ve had an awful evening so I decided to walk to my local pub and sit here. I’ve got a vodka and coke and feel people are looking at me! I can’t go home feel so upset. DH is home with the 2 kids. I’ve never done this before. Never jus left the kids and definitely never sat in a pub all b myself. Shall I leave? People must think I’m strange.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 26/11/2024 20:37

I do this all the time. My mum hates that I do it, apparently it's not ladylike for a woman to go to the pub by herself Grin No one thinks you're weird, although if you look upset they might be a bit concerned?

Enjoy your drink, cool off, gather your thoughts Flowers

RosieLeaf · 26/11/2024 20:37

Going to the pub by yourself is absolutely fine, but I’m not sure it’s the best thing to do when you’re upset and emotional. Drinking never helps then.

Why can’t you go home? Is it unsafe?

Thursdaygirl · 26/11/2024 20:39

I would feel far too self conscious to visit a pub by myself. Even though I realise i shouldn’t think like that.

FloralGums · 26/11/2024 20:39

It’s fine. My daughter went for a pint of lemonade in a pub last night as she had some time to fill whilst waiting for her job to start. She found a cosy corner near a log fire and enjoyed browsing in her phone and people watching.

ohyesido · 26/11/2024 20:40

No one thinks you're strange. I regularly stop by my local and get a glass of wine alone, I read on my kindle and mind my own business.

You are just self conscious, get a distraction tool and you will notice it less

Original poster
iCantStopppEating · 26/11/2024 20:40

I’ve just had a fight with DH. My 9 year old was kicking off over the sweets I bought her and then my youngest started fighting with her. They both were screaming and he was just sitting there letting me deal with everything. I just shouted at my 2 then just walked off. I’ve been gone over an hour and he hasn’t even called to check on me. I’ve never done this so it’s not exactly a normal reaction you would think he would be concerned

OP posts:
Blarn · 26/11/2024 20:40

I'm not sure how to vote. But I would be looking at you with jealousy! A lovely quite drink by yourself. Stop feeling self-conscious ad enjoy it!

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 26/11/2024 20:41

People may be mildly curious about whether you are waiting for someone, or you may be looking a bit upset. Lots of people including women go into pubs on their own, there is nothing strange about it. Enjoy your drink and try to relax a bit before going home.

autumngirl714 · 26/11/2024 20:42

I hate that people feel self concious going and getting a drink on their own.
First of all, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Second of all, you have no idea what other people are truly thinking. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at someone in the pub on their own, I truely wouldn't!
People nip out on their own for lots of different reasons!

Enjoy your drink and your space. I hope you feel more settled soon!

purplecorkheart · 26/11/2024 20:42

I doubt anyone is taking any notice of you. I had to stay in a hotel for work for two nights recently. My last night I finished my meal and then decided to have a glass of wine. I am sure no one at all took one bit of notice.

Are you ok though? Are you worried about going home?

Singleandproud · 26/11/2024 20:43

No one knows why you are there. I often pop in one whilst waiting for DD to finish an activity etc beats sitting in the car in the dark, or driving home for 10 minutes before turning around and going back.

rayofsunshine86 · 26/11/2024 20:44

I used to go to the pub by myself before I had kids (I'd do it now if I could escape the house on my own). I don't think anybody thought I was strange for doing it, but I'd usually take a book to read.

stargazerlil · 26/11/2024 20:44

They don’t think you’re strange, they’ve just never seen you there before. Enjoy your time alone.

CroftonWillow · 26/11/2024 20:46

No one is judging you for being in a pub on your own. If you're unsettled that may be attracting peoples attention. Otherwise people are far too self absorbed to give you a second thought.

helpfulperson · 26/11/2024 20:49

I think it's a bit different from you just choosing to go for a drink. If you had done that noone would give you a second glance. But if you are looking stressed and upset, which you will be no matter how well you think you are hiding it, I think you will be getting concerned looks.

mrsfollowill · 26/11/2024 20:50

I think it's fine for anyone (including a woman- my mother too thinks it's not ladylike as a previous poster said)
But please look after yourself- if you are upset and emotional it's a really bad idea to have any more to drink. Getting pissed on your own in a pub is a real safety concern- there are people out there who will take advantage of you.
If you have cooled off I'd go home now. The kids will be worried and you have made your point.
You and DH need a chat about all this but I'd leave it for now.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 26/11/2024 20:51

Enjoy your drink and the peace. No one will be giving you a second thought. I love sitting by myself enjoying a drink.

Elsvieta · 26/11/2024 22:05

No, it's perfectly normal. Almost certainly nobody is looking at you - if they are it's only in concern if you maybe look a bit jittery or upset. Resist all the sexist crap the world tells us about how public spaces are only for men (or women when they're with men), women aren't entitled to a bit of time to themselves, a woman who has a break ever is a bad mother and all that crap. You didn't "leave the kids" - they're with their other parent. Does anyone question a man having a quiet drink or wonder why he's neglecting his kids if they aren't with him this minute? Come on. Relax and enjoy your break.

fairycakes1234 · 26/11/2024 22:08

I've gone to pubs many a time if I'm in town shopping, I'd have a glass of wine and scroll on phone, I'd never think anyone is looking unless you end up knocking back the drink on your own!

aphrodites · 26/11/2024 22:11

I go into pubs alone whenever I go solo camping, it gives me somewhere warm and sorts out the issue of food. Don't worry about anyone staring, maybe you look upset and they're worried/curious.

Abcdefghijklmh · 26/11/2024 22:13

What a lovely thing to do! I promise no one is looking- at our local pubs you can eat drink anything on your own, lots of people do it . I love it 😂 and the cinema x

ManchesterLu · 26/11/2024 22:19

Being able to enjoy quiet time alone is, in my opinion, an invaluable skill. Enjoy the time out!

Wendysfriend · 26/11/2024 22:20

I know you're probably home now, but please let me assure you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman sitting in a pub alone having a drink, you are / were more aware of other people because you don't do this regularly.

Wtf is this I'm reading about not being lady like ? It's 2024 a woman can sit in a pub !!

comedycentral · 26/11/2024 22:25

No, it's fine, honestly. It sounds peaceful. If you did it every time you had a hard day, it would be an issue.

Doubledded123 · 26/11/2024 22:28

No one cares. Enjoy, do it more often ! I love my Fridays in the pub whilst ds does his sport next door....