Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bringing partner to Work Christmas party...

42 replies

Robyn3828282 · 26/11/2024 13:40

I have a work Christmas party coming up in a few weeks, and it’ll be my first one at this company. It’s a fairly small team—about 40 people—and partners are invited every year, so most people bring their significant others.
Recently, I became friends with a colleague who mentioned feeling awkward about going because she’s single and would likely be the only one there without a partner. She asked if I could attend solo so she wouldn’t feel as out of place, and I reluctantly agreed because I understand how intimidating that situation could feel.

However, when I mentioned the party to my partner, he said he’d love to come, and I’d honestly really like him to join me. But now I feel stuck because I already told my colleague I’d go alone for her sake. She saw my partner’s name on the food list and jokingly called me a liar, saying she thought I wasn’t bringing anyone. She seemed pretty upset, so I panicked and told her I’d let him know not to come.

Now I feel really torn. On one hand, I’d enjoy having my partner there and don’t see why I shouldn’t bring him just to make someone else feel more comfortable. On the other hand, I feel guilty for backing out of my promise to my colleague, especially since she’s new and nervous about attending alone.
Am I being unreasonable for wanting to bring my partner? How do I tell her without feeling awful about it? Should I stick to going solo to support her or invite him along? For context, he is a long-term partner.

OP posts:
JustTalkToThem · 26/11/2024 13:42

You said you’d do something, I think you should do it. There’s a reason you feel guilty.

ArminTamzerian · 26/11/2024 13:43

You shouldn't have agreed in the first place, and she shouldn't have asked. But she did and you did, so you're just going to have to tell the truth now. Tell her that you're sorry, but you didn't realise that your partner would want to come when you agreed to her request, but he does, so that's that.
She can't really complain.

Anon1274 · 26/11/2024 13:46

I think she was really unreasonable for asking tbh. Your partner is more important. I’d tell her that he has asked to come and you couldn’t say no. As other people are allowed to bring their partners, surely she’d be allowed to bring a plus one and she could invite a friend or family member?

MabelMora · 26/11/2024 13:47

I'm surprised she's the only person out of forty who is single.
You have already flip flopped about so now you need to decide for sure what you're going to do and stick to it. Nobody else can do that for you.

RosieLeaf · 26/11/2024 13:47

Yanbu. It’s a shame, but she shouldn’t have asked you to do this. It’s not for others to mitigate her feelings.

I’m sure if and when she gets a partner, she’ll not hesitate to bring them.

coldiris · 26/11/2024 13:47

ArminTamzerian · 26/11/2024 13:43

You shouldn't have agreed in the first place, and she shouldn't have asked. But she did and you did, so you're just going to have to tell the truth now. Tell her that you're sorry, but you didn't realise that your partner would want to come when you agreed to her request, but he does, so that's that.
She can't really complain.

Completely agree with this. It's better to spare yourself days and weeks of this anguish by just having an open conversation with her. Just explain it to her as it is, OP. It's easier that way. Personally I don't think she should have asked but she did and if she didn't think anything of asking someone to do something like that for her, then you shouldn't hesitate telling her that you didn't mind doing that but your partner really would like to join you and you feel bad asking him not to. There is nothing wrong with that.

MabelMora · 26/11/2024 13:48

Anon1274 · 26/11/2024 13:46

I think she was really unreasonable for asking tbh. Your partner is more important. I’d tell her that he has asked to come and you couldn’t say no. As other people are allowed to bring their partners, surely she’d be allowed to bring a plus one and she could invite a friend or family member?

That's a good point (re plus one).

Stormyweatheroutthere · 26/11/2024 13:48

Amy chance you could bring her a single man as a blind date??

Anon1274 · 26/11/2024 13:50

Stormyweatheroutthere · 26/11/2024 13:48

Amy chance you could bring her a single man as a blind date??

If she’s too shy and awkward to attend a party with her own work colleagues, I can’t imagine the suggestion of a blind date going down very well! Especially with all of the people she has to work with to witness if it goes tits up

itsmylife7 · 26/11/2024 13:50

very weird for her to ask that of you,and even weirder you agreed to it.

Moveoverdarlin · 26/11/2024 13:52

There is no way 40 members of staff are all in relationships, and many of those who are will not bring partners for loads of reasons - childcare predominantly, but at this time of year loads of partners will have their own plans, some will be ill, some would rather chop their heads off than attend their spouses Christmas Do.

Say to your colleague ‘Pete is coming on Friday, I thought he wouldn’t be keen but he is keen to meet everyone.’

Shes not 12, I’m sure she will cope.

Robyn3828282 · 26/11/2024 13:57

Just to provide some context, my colleague won’t actually be the only single person at the party. However, both of us are on the younger side compared to many of our colleagues (we’re both in our twenties) and haven’t been with the company for very long—less than a year. Because of this, she hasn’t had much of a chance to get to know everyone yet, which I think is part of why she’s feeling uneasy about attending on her own.

OP posts:
Tetonvalley · 26/11/2024 13:59

It’s really odd that a grown adult asked you to come without your partner because she’s single.

Id send her a email and just said you spoke to your other half and he would like to come so he will be accompanying you.

Seashellssanctuary · 26/11/2024 14:10

It's odd for someone to ask you....even odder for you to agree.

So often people pleasing results in chaos

custardpyjamas · 26/11/2024 14:10

Can she not hang around with you and your partner? Works parties are usually pretty inclusive not two by two. Hasn't she got a friend of either sex she could bring as a plus one? It's sods law you won't bring your partner and you won't see her all evening because she's chatting to other people.

User19876536484 · 26/11/2024 14:12

Has your partner got a single friend?

EvilMorty · 26/11/2024 14:16

I don’t think it’s that weird of her to ask, I have never known of a work do where people bring partners but also, if you are the two new ones and slightly younger than the rest it can feel like going out for the night with a friend.

You said you’d do something and gone back on it so I can see why she’d be distrustful, plus you’re taking ages to make a decision and she had to see it written on a list so she’d not even have known unless that happened.

Lindjam · 26/11/2024 14:16

User19876536484 · 26/11/2024 14:12

Has your partner got a single friend?

You read my mind!!!

Didimum · 26/11/2024 14:25

You've both really shown your immaturity here. Her, as an adult, for asking another adult to attend without her partner and then for sulking about it, and then you for agreeing to something without thinking it through – twice.

All rather an unnecessary drama.

HideousKinky · 26/11/2024 14:26

Just explain your partner really wanted to come and then make sure you draw her into your conversation so she's not alone and feeling awkward. You're overthinking it, especially as there will be other people there without partners

LoobyDoop2 · 26/11/2024 14:29

This shows why partners shouldn’t be invited to work dos. Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable in a work context because of their relationship or family arrangements- they should be irrelevant, and everyone should feel able to attend on an equal footing. Your employer has fucked up, if this is how your colleague feels.

RosieLeaf · 26/11/2024 14:30

Why does this one colleagues feelings trump everything else?

Robyn3828282 · 26/11/2024 14:32

Didimum · 26/11/2024 14:25

You've both really shown your immaturity here. Her, as an adult, for asking another adult to attend without her partner and then for sulking about it, and then you for agreeing to something without thinking it through – twice.

All rather an unnecessary drama.

I could see my colleague was anxious about the party, so I agreed to support her—especially since I was put on the spot at the time and asked what most people would deem an awkward question. I wouldn’t call it sulking; I’m simply reflecting on the situation and asking for advice because I didn’t initially realise how much my partner would like to attend...

OP posts:
NotSorry · 26/11/2024 14:33

I voted YABU for you agreeing to this in the first place

MaryBeardsShoes · 26/11/2024 14:34

She wasn’t unreasonable for asking for what she needed, you wouldn’t have been unreasonable to say no. It is unreasonable to say one thing and do another without a heads up to her.