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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bringing partner to Work Christmas party...

42 replies

Robyn3828282 · 26/11/2024 13:40

I have a work Christmas party coming up in a few weeks, and it’ll be my first one at this company. It’s a fairly small team—about 40 people—and partners are invited every year, so most people bring their significant others.
Recently, I became friends with a colleague who mentioned feeling awkward about going because she’s single and would likely be the only one there without a partner. She asked if I could attend solo so she wouldn’t feel as out of place, and I reluctantly agreed because I understand how intimidating that situation could feel.

However, when I mentioned the party to my partner, he said he’d love to come, and I’d honestly really like him to join me. But now I feel stuck because I already told my colleague I’d go alone for her sake. She saw my partner’s name on the food list and jokingly called me a liar, saying she thought I wasn’t bringing anyone. She seemed pretty upset, so I panicked and told her I’d let him know not to come.

Now I feel really torn. On one hand, I’d enjoy having my partner there and don’t see why I shouldn’t bring him just to make someone else feel more comfortable. On the other hand, I feel guilty for backing out of my promise to my colleague, especially since she’s new and nervous about attending alone.
Am I being unreasonable for wanting to bring my partner? How do I tell her without feeling awful about it? Should I stick to going solo to support her or invite him along? For context, he is a long-term partner.

OP posts:
Fuckitydoodah · 26/11/2024 14:38

I'd tell her that you didn't think your partner would be fussed about going, hence why you agreed to go alone. But actually he's really keen to go and you can hardly tell him no when partners are invited. Sorry for the mix up and you hope she understands.

You're not bound to your agreement.

NeedToChangeName · 26/11/2024 14:40

Having agreed to accompany your colleague, you shouldn't bail out on her

Invite your partner next year

Didimum · 26/11/2024 14:41

Robyn3828282 · 26/11/2024 14:32

I could see my colleague was anxious about the party, so I agreed to support her—especially since I was put on the spot at the time and asked what most people would deem an awkward question. I wouldn’t call it sulking; I’m simply reflecting on the situation and asking for advice because I didn’t initially realise how much my partner would like to attend...

No, I don't think you're sulking – your colleague is from seeing him on the food list.

You've still agreed to something that you didn't really want to, then gone home and invited your partner anyway.

Nanny0gg · 26/11/2024 14:45

Robyn3828282 · 26/11/2024 14:32

I could see my colleague was anxious about the party, so I agreed to support her—especially since I was put on the spot at the time and asked what most people would deem an awkward question. I wouldn’t call it sulking; I’m simply reflecting on the situation and asking for advice because I didn’t initially realise how much my partner would like to attend...

I hate it when people back out of agreements.

I'm sure you and your partner can go to lots of events together

You'd said you'd go with her and you should stick to that

Ellie1015 · 26/11/2024 14:46

You were caught off guard initially you should have went along with what you agreed or updated collegue that partner is coming. When she saw the list thst was an opportunity to update her not say it is a mistake.

Bring your partner, tell colleague the truth.

"Sorry, partner and i rarely get a chance to socialise together and i really want him to come. Please don't worry about it, we can still hang out and there are also plenty of others going without partners"

If she makes it awkward just let it blow over, it will in time. And tbh she was unreasonable to ask you not to bring partner.

Bogginsthe3rd · 26/11/2024 15:03

Stormyweatheroutthere · 26/11/2024 13:48

Amy chance you could bring her a single man as a blind date??

people question GIF

What could go wrong ?

Lampzade · 26/11/2024 15:06

I don’t understand why she can’t bring a friend or relative

ForLovingAquaSheep · 26/11/2024 15:07

No one pointing out how odd it is the partner is actively keen on attending?

Both of us would go out of out way to make an excuse not to go out on a do with the others work mates.

Clearly says more about us than anything.

Coolblur · 26/11/2024 15:10

She can't be the only one not bringing a partner. I never bring DH along now for childcare reasons, it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. A number of colleagues do the same, and some are single. It's only awkward if you allow it to be.
Take your partner, but make time for her too.

YellowAsteroid · 26/11/2024 15:23

You're not uneasonable for wanting your partner to come with yo, but surely you can see how difficult this is for a single person?

You say yourself you'd rather attend with your partner. So how must it feel for her? On her own, and feeling a bit ashamed that she's on her own when everyone else is partnered up? Not that it is a shaming thing to be single, but it can feel like that when everyone else is in couples - if you're in a couple, you just don't get how hard it can be to be single on these occasions.

She should bring a plus one.

And you & your colleagues should be more empathetic instead of smug marrieds. In fact, I think your workplace should have these Christmas dos just for employees - no spouses or partners.

CandleStub · 26/11/2024 15:25

I’d just tell her that you spoke to him and he wanted to come, which you hadn’t thought he would. As long as you’re clear with her it’s fine.

Asking you not to bring your partner is the weird thing, tbh.

MounjaroUser · 26/11/2024 15:29

Invite her to a drink beforehand with you and your partner so she feels more confident when she goes in.

Bloom15 · 26/11/2024 18:14

ArminTamzerian · 26/11/2024 13:43

You shouldn't have agreed in the first place, and she shouldn't have asked. But she did and you did, so you're just going to have to tell the truth now. Tell her that you're sorry, but you didn't realise that your partner would want to come when you agreed to her request, but he does, so that's that.
She can't really complain.

I agree with this - weird thing to ask of someone you haven't known for long. Just say your partner wants to come. Nothing else to do really

m00rfarm · 26/11/2024 18:20

I find it more odd that a partner actually WANTS to come to the Christmas party

SmalllChange · 26/11/2024 18:23

Don't set yourself on fire just to keep her warm.

Her being single is not your issue.

Bring your partner, introduce her and do your best to make her feel welcome in your conversations etc.

Pinkissmart · 26/11/2024 18:26

’My partner reallllly wants to come to the party- but you can sit with us and we can all go as a gang’

Starseeking · 26/11/2024 18:30

You've told your colleague twice that you wouldn't bring your DP to the party, then let her find out he was actually attending from the food list. That was really low of you given she was already anxious, so I'm not surprised you feel guilty.

Having said that, you need to find your backbone and tell her your DP is attending the party. It's not your fault your colleague is single; just tell her the truth!!!

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