Teenager wants to change their name

[Stressedgiraffe]

I don't know what to do. I've said if they still want to do it at 18 they can. My major worry is that what they want to change it to isn't a name it's a noun. I don't want to say the name but think 'table' ' truck' 'monitor'
I worry that they won't be taken seriously when they get a job/career.
They don't want it to stay as a nickname but as their proper name.
What would you do?

Exactly this 😂 they will either grow out of it or not be able to work out the admin/logistics!

I feel for you though OP sounds like a silly phase.

Probably right to leave it until 18 but I think people should really be 21+ to change names. If you give any advice remind them that all future jobs asking for exam certificates or requiring DBS checks will see the name change and require proof of the legal change but that there's no such formalities required for them to simply ask to go by a certain nickname at uni/work

There are all sorts of let's say unusual names out there. They've had the name for three years so are pretty fixed on it. I'd consider suggesting making bus/skateboard/pogo stick/other means of transport their middle name. That'll future proof them a bit. If they get fed up of the idea in adulthood they can ignore their middle name altogether, or if they want to maintain the name they'll use their middle name, like lots of people do.
That is a compromise where you've listened to your child and met them halfway.

But OPs child wants to change it officially. They will have a deed poll document. That's all we have ever shown as proof.

if theyre changing their name it would match their deed poll as it shows what you're changing from, i applied to uni with a levels that didn't match my name, just had to send in deed poll showing the name change, wasn't an issue.

No, I'd probably think it was a pink-haired woke being.

Had a dog called Tank, was the biggest fattest puppy in the litter and climbed-over pushed away the others to get to mum or eat.

So bulldozer of a puppy is my image of Tank.

Oh just ignore it! When I was 15 I wanted to change my middle name to Beyoncé 😂 I was serious! There’s two years not to worry about it.

I would wait until 18 so that the admin it involves falls to them. I say this as a mum who had to change her child's name by deedpoll it's a pain in the arse initially.

Why wouldn't they be able to "work out the admin". We printed off deed poll forms. Had them signed by 2 witnesses. Took them into the bank/Dr's surgery. Had to upload them when applying for DBS. Sent them to DVLA when applying for provisional licence.

None of which is remotely complicated. 8ish

Ugh, I changed my name to a ”cool” name when I was a teen, with full support of my mum.

I really wish she’d have acted like the adult and advised me against it, as it caused me so much trouble.

When I (inevitably) became embarrassed about it as an adult and had it changed back, I continued to have to reference it as an “also known as” name with dates, and keep a paper copy of the evidence. It was ridiculous.

You have to be the adult here.

My 3 year old asked me why I didn't call him Book or House... it was an interesting conversation.. for a 3 year old.

I work with a trans person and while her name on Linkedin is female, for some reason she left her male name on the CV. So looks like you can go by one name, but have a different one on a CV.

I have heard of a female called, "Nacho".

Love this 😂

My d s would have loved a friend called Train or Plane at that age!

Have to say I would support this - you would seem to be fighting a losing battle and my own experience of supporting my kids as gender fluid teenagers is to keep your powder dry for the big disputes - as is useful with any offspring. Don't think that this name change need will go away and it is at least a name that the family already use, in your shoes I would be inclined to let the change go through.

Tell them it's fine to be known as Tank by friends, family, teachers etc but the legal name change has to wait until they're an adult. We all make decisions at 16 that we later realise were quite silly.

My brother's step children all changed their names from the "unique" Mumsnet type names to very traditional ones on starting secondary school. No regrets or difficulties-although it did upset their mother a bit.

If they have the attitude that it’s going to be someone else’s problem and not theirs, they will soon realise it is indeed their problem. Maybe somebody would employ someone called Wardrobe or Radiator but I doubt it.

Let them do it at 18 as you’ll have no choice, but I’d have no more conversations about it personally.

Yes, same here. And my DS2 is 16.

DS1’s friends, partner, partner’s parents all call him by his nickname, as did high school teachers and uni tutors. Think ‘Mike’ instead of ‘Michael’. His passport, bank account, degree cert all say ‘Michael’.

In your DC’s case, I’d say it’s fine for your mates to use a different name and to put that name on the back of sports hoodies etc. But you can’t change it legally until you’re 18. And if you want to do it then, you have pay the fee and sort it out.

Unless the name was, say Cockwomble, it wouldn't stop me interviewing them. Actually, I might interview a Cockwomble just for the lulz.

Very wise words.

Yes, most of us did something a bit mad at 16. Parents are there to try to prevent as much of it as possible - or at least the damaging stuff.

Come on, you know you are now going to have to share the name with us... 😉

Hmm. Having seen you have said that they have been using this name for the last 3 years I think I would actually consider letting them do this if it is really important to them. I can understand that you are more concerned by the name chosen than the change itself. But 3 years is a long time to have changed their mind if they were going to.
HOWEVER a quick Google has shown that you can apply for exam certificates to be re issued in your new name retrospectively if you have evidence of a legal name change.
So I'd maybe double check that with someone other than Google, but if that is relatively straightforward then you could reassure them that they could amend it later.
Also no one actually reads your exam certificates do they? Eg you don't attach copied to a CV, just the results?

A sibling has just changed their name and gender in middle age.
Except without an attention to detail effort they left out a key point and now have
Formally known as xx formally known as xxy now known as YY. All this form filling and money has not given the 'stunning and brave' response from the admin people they were looking for.

The gender issue aside - it not about that you love her name.

We spent months trying to find a name which worked for us, we had a huge list and culled and added for weeks before even coming up with a short list.

We still love the name on DD's birth certificate. She doesn't. She chose a name I don't really like a lot but strangely enough, it suits her. I had to put my feelings aside as I don't own DD or her name.

Compared to others on MN I don't believe that being gender fluid or trans is the work of the devil so I would support my child. DD did question herself around the age of 14 but it was linked to other things she had to deal with and it felt questioning her gender (she knows very well that biologically she is female) felt she was in control about her body.

Could she reject being sterotype female with her body shape and then a very feminine name on top?