Aibu to impose these restrictions on kids phone

[FuzzyYellowChicken]

Ok I'm just interested to know.

Currently these are the restrictions on my 12 y/o phone and we are locked in a battle. Of course it's ultimately me who will win, but she is extremely persistent and I get tired of hearing the same thing again and again....

• It unlocks at 8.00am

(This is due to it impacting her ability to get ready for school on time, so it unlocks when she is ready for school)

• It locks at 9.30pm**

(For what I consider to be obvious reasons... Sleep)

**"it is taken out of the bedroom at night due to previous "guessing the parental control password" and "the adding 1 extra minute and turning off and on again hack"

• It has a screen time limit of 2.5 hours per day

(Again I would consider obvious reasons... Phone addiction hindering ability to be part of the real world... Messages and phone are not part of this so if she gets an "important" messages that warrants a reply then that is possible

• Only certain apps are allowed. I can control this. She is allowed WhatsApp and Roblox. She isn't allowed tiktok. I can access her whatsapp and Roblox accounts myself whenever I need to

According to her, I am "ridiculously" strict and no other kid her age has such strict parental controls.

I actually think I'm "ridiculously" lenient.

I do however notice that her peers DO seem to be on their phones after 9.30 and access apps I don't allow... So this makes me question myself. I am naturally not a very confident person either.

Anyway very interested to hear from other parents of kids aged 12-13 what their policies are and where I sit on the scale of strictness.

DD's phone doesn't lock, but it does go away at night to charge and mornings are spent getting ready and chatting.

We don't have a time limit because our routine and school limits usage anyway. I am more relaxed on weekends/holidays.

I do check her phone , she can't download anything without permission (doesn't know the apple id password) and I take an active interest into what she's watching, what she's playing etc.

We found a good balance I hope.

I'm part of a growing community called smartphone free childhood.

We get schools on board to minimises the peer pressure factor. This is more a PSA for those with kids who've yet to get smartphones.

But I don't think you're being too strict - I'd go further. I wish I had a grown up to restrict my own phone use for me

Stick to your guns. You're right. Children that age shouldn't have smartphones at all, but it would be too isolating for many to go down that route so restrictions are the best compromise.

If you have a homework app that needs to be accessed, things ticked off as done etc. you might need to tweak timings going forward.

I think the "rules" are reasonable (although if she is using a phone a lot for school work, I would consider upping the limit/excluding this).

I would personally not have hard locks in the morning and evening, but make doing these things part of good practice. Having them there sets up a challenge of trying to get around them, IMO it's better to encourage good behaviour rather than restricting.

Thanks for all the replies it's good to know I'm not necessarily being too strict. I know opinions on this will differ wildly between parents. I do think the type of child you have will also impact it, some children will be more sensible and trustworthy than others.

I wish there was some kind of government or NHS official guidelines on this that we could all as parents refer to. I know people would likely complain that it's "nanny state" type thing but I for one need some help with this... It's all unchartered waters!

I got my first phone aged 16 when it cost 10p to text!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I applaud you.

We do the same for our daughter. She started high school this September and therefore has had her first phone.

It has parental locks, screen time and the App Store has been removed. We have added in words such as Facebook/porn into the safe search filters and made she she has zero access to social media.

The only app she can utilise that’s sort of social media is YouTube.

I’m sick of hearing parents moaning that their child is being bullied on social media. REMOVE IT AND STOP ACCESS!

I’m hoping the UK moves to align with the new laws in Australia, to endure anyone under 16 cannot have access to it. Young people cannot cope and do not know how to used it properly or morally.

I applaud you as a parent.

Not at all unreasonable.

My son 12 has the same. No Facebook, insta, Snapchat or tiktok. They have age limits for a reason and he is not there yet. He does also have an Xbox and switch (uses ay grandparents as he gets bored there now) so to me that is more than enough screen time.
My daughter is 15 and has no time restrictions as such but she does not have any social media and that uses WhatsApp and YouTube.
I must say though, my son so many physical activities he does get longer at times.

My son is 11 he’ll be 12 in February. You are not being unreasonable at all! His phone locks at 9pm opens at 7am but he doesn’t use it in the morning because it’s charging downstairs and he’s busy dressing, eating, getting ready. I let him chat on his phone for ages with his lovely good friends, they’re genuinely just chatting having a laugh and sometimes play online games which they chat to each other whilst playing.
I am VERY strict and my sons know I’m in charge. I remind him, once he earns his own money, he’ll be independent and I don’t need to monitor his phone use anymore, plus I’d hope by 18 he stays the wonderful boy he already is, so he’ll be sensible. But from now til then, he is a child. A very young vulnerable, naive, innocent child. So my husband and I will look after him and keep him safe!

You are a good mum for doing this. Too many parents choose lazy parenting by letting the kids spend all of their time on devices

Pretty similar to what we did. No phones overnight, not unlocked until ready for school.
One is better than the other at self regulating usage so was allowed more time earlier. They're now old enough to appreciate sleep more and the knock on effects to their school work and sport so that does make life easier.

at that age the phones were locked down overnight - so could only access alarm etc

apps download required a message to be sent to our phones to approve

find my iphone is turned on - they are older teens now and we can still all see where each other are. handy when someone drops their phone in a field!

when they were 11/12 and first got the phones they would be downstairs overnight and there was a period I would check all messages each night. a couple of the pther parents did too and we would message each other if we found anything inapproriate - swearing or what came across as bullying etc so we could talk to our kids about how to communicate over text (as it is different to talking and things do get lost in translation)

We have always been very open with them about the dangers of online, reiterating only befriend people online that you know in real life etc, dont give out any personal info and so on.

Perfectly reasonable, in fact ours shuts off at 7pm and has a shorter daily allowance otherwise we would never get any interaction from him lol

My boys are 13 and 15. They still have almost the same limitations on their phones, although theirs lock at 2030. Do they ask me to unlock for an hour or so most nights? Yes. Do I do that most nights? Also yes.

All three of mine could turn off these restrictions but they all recognise they have poor impulse control so prefer me to have a bit more control than possibly others might have.

The older have TikTok. But those can be accessed on Youtube anyway.

I have a 20 year old and 3 12 year olds. Due to mistakes I made with my eldest, my 12s don't even have phones. When I buy them phones this Christmas, they will be basic as hell.

Oh forgot to mention, I also have a website blocker on our wifi which their phones are obviously connected to.

As a secondary school teacher, you’re absolutely spot on. Unfortunately there are still many children whose parents don’t do this and they’re up all night on their phones, they then struggle to concentrate and regulate their emotions, and sleep is essential for their growing and development. You’re also protecting her from bullying and harmful online content.

My DCs are older than yours

• only approved internet sites (mostly HW sites from school) - everything else is blocked
• no YouTube/TikTok/insta/etc
• App Store locked - come to me to get an app installed
• 30 minute daily timer across game apps
• screen lockdown from 8:30pm - 6:00am

IDGAF what “everyone else” is doing.

Our 12yo DD has similar restrictions. Locked between 9pm and 9am, not allowed upstairs in her bedroom (cos she was dicking about on it instead of whatever we had asked her to do like tidying) but she can connect to bluetooth speaker so she can listen to music there.
We have calls always allowed and WhatsApp but monitor who she has on groups and messages - mostly family but some school friends. She has been quite good at realising that class group chats are just drama and takes herself out of them, she has some chats for her and friends only.

20 minutes max allowed on Instagram cos she has a sports profile that she uses to connect with other kids in her sport and her club page. If she is making a reel or whatever I will unlock more time. Absolutely no Snapchat, don't care how many of her peers have it.

2 hours screen time a day, doesn't always use it but we do a lot of driving to and from sports so she passes time in the car, and she does get to use the iPad in the living room if she is watching longer videos for things - watches mark rober, the two girls who create Sims rooms, Colin Furze etc.

And we still have full password restrictions on all the settings, she knows we can access everything and that we do check through. We talk regularly about online safety, how people can pretend to be anyone now and how AI is only making it easier for people to filter their videos and things.

Similar to you.
Parental controls only on my phone and DH's so no guessing of passwords.
Phone locks at 9.45 Sun-Thur and 10.30 Fri and Saturday. Unlocks 6.45 Mon-Fri for alarms/bus app/school work.
It does stay in the bedroom because of alarms.

Sounds reasonable to me, similar “rules” with my ds who is 11 but he uses his pc for homework so that won’t eat into phone time

I am however more lenient on Friday and Saturday evenings because I don’t him
being up late those days

Our boundaries are similar.

Uncontrolled access has its issues.

I also think it's a risk in the secondary years to just blindly hope that they'll naturally mature their way out of it with minimal experience. If they are too out of step with their peers, that also causes RL issues. There's plenty of adults with poor regulation when this technology wasn't availiable in their youth, and some have to learn through experience at how to manage themselves because it's not instinctive.

My y9 is not interested in social connection. Likes youtube documentaries and Warhammer content (autistic)

My y7 learned from the relative safety of the y6 chat that he CBA with bigger rambling group chats (excellent) and focuses on directly chatting with close friends. Tik tok is banned, but they know that a lot of content is also on youtube which at least has better filters, and they watch more long content. They also watch youtube on the main TV so that means I see what the algorithms throw up. Also likes duolingo and coding apps.

I'm not getting complaints and they know why certain boundaries (e.g. Tik Tok & snapchat) are in place so it's all quite civil at this point...

Can you be my mum and put restrictions on my phone.

the only thing to be careful of is if your kid is having a sleepover etc that they can still call you if they are out at an activity etc

scouts sometimes goes over 10pm if they are lost on a night hike