How interested were your in laws in your pregnancy?

[Strawberrycream123]

Mine haven’t asked how I am, sent congratulations, haven’t shown one iota of interest.

They have never really liked me to be honest, I’ve always been the outsider. I did think they might be a little interested in the upcoming birth of another family member however!

AIBU to expect interest? Or is interest in the pregnancy completely uncorrelated to interest in the baby when they’ve arrived?

Same.

They’re sort of interested in DC, but it’s glaringly obvious that their preferred GCs are SIL’s.

Mine have never shown an interest in me. I’ve only recently realised I don’t think they’ve ever asked anything about me. I am there to facilitate DH (MIL told me this). I don’t see them now, they can fuck off.

Mine said congratulations when we told them in person, but beyond that didn’t ask anything about it. They aren’t that type of people and would feel it was asking personal questions, I think.
LO is now 3 and they are brilliant grandparents. They help us out with regular childcare and are planning to do the same for our second.

Zero. Even the one who nearly died. They have 30+ gc and I’m not married to a favorite child so mine don’t make the cut. 🙄

Oh my god, exact same! My SIL, I was actually taken aback the one time she asked me a question. It was so unexpected it really caught me off guard!

It’s weird with mine. They show ZERO interest in me, exclude me, and try and make events quite uncomfortable for me at times I feel. But then if I ever miss an event, they get all offended. Sorry, why?! Not like you would have registered my presence there anyway!

My IL are very interested, my own parents not so much!

MIL is absolutely lovely. We're not too close but she always asks my husband how I am whenever they talk on the phone. She's staying with us right now to look after oir toddler as I'm due my planned cesarean this week, and she's been pretty helpful if we ask her to do anything to take the load off me for a bit.

Other in-law relatives? Couldn't give a toss... SIL announced on Facebook she was very excited that she was going to be an auntie again, with no mention of me or my husband. Hasn't said a word to either of us since except to moan to my husband about stuff going on in her life. It's on form for her as she was exactly the same with my last pregnancy. She has met our toddler twice - took loads of pictures, put them online without our consent, soaked up all the comments from her friends about how cute he was, and barely talked to us after.

MIL makes up for it all by being nice, but yeah, the rest of them are quite disinterested.

How does your DH react to their rudeness? Does he support you? They sound absolutely horrible.

He’s been in denial about it to be honest. He doesn’t like conflict, and does everything he can to avoid registering something has happened. Often plays dumb/says he hasn’t noticed. It’s infuriating, and makes me think of him as weak sometimes, which I am pretty ashamed to say.

My MIL isn't interested in this pregnancy, however she was so over invested in the last one that I had to tell her to back off, so that's likely my fault.

She however is very interested in her GC, she calls daily to speak to him and much to my annoyance always buys him treats and goodies, my son adores her so I'd never exclude her despite how frustrating she is.

My ILs are the same as yours, OP. The snide comments are like death by 1000 paper cuts. And they act like events cannot happen without me. Perfect example: they had a meal 2 hours away from our home. I couldn’t get out of a work thing, and they acted like the evening would be totally ruined if so weren’t there. They insisted so come after dinner (DH and DC had gone on their own). I drive all that way, only to arrive as everyone was getting ready to leave. It was a power move on MIL’s part. DH is too shit scared to stand up to her, and because he grew up with MIL, he doesn’t see it as odd or abnormal.

Sorry about your experience OP, my experience (of feeling disliked and excluded) by my PIL intensified over a few years, and was made apparent both at our wedding and with pregnancy announcements.

First pregnancy - (we had ceased contact after their behaviour at our wedding, but emailed them a few months later with our pregnancy news, thinking they would be at least interested in their first grandchild). A cold email response was received, wishing us luck.

Second pregnancy - by then we had regained contact and were on awkward but agreeable terms, so there was more interest and apparent joy.

Third pregnancy - We have now ceased contact again (and for good) after a fall out last year, so naturally they are probably unaware and disinterested.

The 'golden child' BIL and wife had their first child back in the summer, who we assume will be lavished with all the love and attention that our three DC have never really had from them.

Not very.
But they did have grandchildren arriving at fairly regular intervals at the time, so mine was just another pregnancy.

They took a big interest in the actual babies, though.

When my then husband and I told his parents that I was pregnant with DD1, his mother's first words were, "I don't know how you think you're going to manage, you haven't got any savings." When I miscarried my next pregnancy, she said, "It's your own fault, you didn't rest enough." By the third baby she said, "You've already got two, it's not interesting any more." I thought I'd try to get them on board by inviting them to be godparents (they were religious, and XH and I were churchgoers at the time), but they refused and wouldn't even come to her baptism. I don't think they saw the two youngest children often enough to know what they looked like. I couldn't have asked them to babysit or to have any of the children to stay with them.

They didn't have other grandchildren competing for their attention and they weren't deliberately unkind, they were just cold and detached. I do often wonder if I could have tried harder to keep them involved. My own parents were delighted to have grandchildren.

When XFiL died I took the younger children, now almost adults, to his funeral. After that DS and DD3 chose to stay in touch with XMiL by writing to her and she always wrote back.

It could go two ways. Their lack of interest could extend to the baby when it's born, which would be awful.

Alternatively, they may be all over the baby, but still exclude you, which will be just as awful.

Your husband is going to have to be more assertive and protective of you and the baby, otherwise you will lose all respect for him.

Mine went out and bought a gift with baby 1 name spelt incorrectly.

Not in the slightest bit interested. Mind, I wasn't interested in them - I can't even remember if they bought either of the babies a present.

Not sure my parents were interested either.

They were pretty disinterested when we told them I was pregnant. And both times responded with comments along the lines of "that's nice... so and so from the golf club died the other week"

They generally weren't very interested in other people.

Once the babies were born, they came over to see the new baby. DC1 was 3 weeks old, DC2 was 4 months old.

My in laws were totally disinterested, especially MiL. Not a word, not even congratulations.
Very little interest after DC were born and then later a definite preference with obvious favouritism by MiL to one over the other.
Fortunately DH sees it too, so we keep our distance as much as possible.
My own parents were wonderful but no longer with us, so the DC just have a very cold Grandmother and a not very interested Grandfather.

In-laws were uninterested in my pregnancy many years ago.
Couldn't really be bothered with the children when young,
And still aren't interested in them as adults to the point they get the two of them mixed up with the wrong names which is utterly disgusting
My best advice is stop making an effort and lower your expectations of them then you won't be disappointed

Have you been open with them? Got to know them. Told them anything about your pregnancy?

I have a similar experience with my in-laws. I laugh when I recall MIL saying she would be at our place once a week to help care for DC. Never happened! She’s barely been over. DC doesn’t know her. Lucky we have my mum who makes a fuss.

People on mumsnet trip over themselves to tell expectant mothers that their pregnancies / babies are the most tedious, routine, uninspiring things to have ever occurred and that nobody else could be remotely interested.

In real life however I think most in laws probably are excited and certainly care enough to offer congratulations and ask after the health of the mother. I’m sorry yours aren’t even showing polite, perfunctory interest.

Not much and didn't really expect them to be.
I had wonderful in laws and I miss them

extremely but not overbearing
but our circumstances are unique
im 43 and never seen a period due to severe PCOS

my ex was adopted as a toddler as MIL nearly died from a etopic pregnancy years before

they were early 40s when he came along

from day 1 of meeting PIL i was accepted and treated as a daughter

both of us were each other firsts and meet at 17 and 18 so due to that and the fact i was told as a teen i was infertile we never used contraception

son 1 was tried for and i caught naturally after 4 years together(i used to take monthly cheap PG tests)no idea how i caught but i found out at 3 weeks

becasue of all the circumstances everyone was over the moon as my parents were just as involved but my parents are years younger than my in-laws

hyperemesis gravidarum kicked in early(rush of hormones i never had)
every appointment and scan both sets of parents were happy to be involved and my FIL even took me to them as hospital is over a hour away as we are rural wales

i even got admitted a few times due to dehydration
they also came to look after me as i was bedridden
i was 4 days slow labour but they were there in the waiting room or car park

cue year later son 2 took 4 years of clomid tablets, because of lack of periods we had a different way of taking them
hospital wouldnt do IVF becasue i had son 1 naturally

i was constantly up the hospital
scan to see if ovaries were working or releasing eggs(never) given tablets then 2 weeks later scan to see if tablets worked or eggs(never a change) then a week after that a PG test
if negative start again

this went of for 4 years and FIl took me to every appointment and waited in the car to take us back

1 month went through all the usually monthly arrangements same results
took test and it was faint(3 for a pound Poundland dip tests work fine)
cue panic so got a Clearblue and 2 weeks pg

straight up the hospital and i was PG

same situation ever scan and appointment FIl took us to and both involved
didn't get HG with this one

son 2 was a very difficult birth(11lb110oz 29 inches)
PIL was in the waiting room or car in the car park the whole time
even took my ex and mother home as son was born early hours

never interfered as a PIL or as grandparents in the 22 years me and my ex were together