Should i be annoyed?

[PinaColada24]

My partner of 20+ years and I recently went a way for a long weekend. We have 2 adult children. I’m not normally insecure or the jealous type but for some reason this has unnerved and annoyed me.

On the flight home we were both sat in the aisle seat across the aisle from each other. It was only a 90 minute flight.

He was sat next to a young woman who looked to be in her early 20s.

He was watching a film on his phone and literally as the flight was about to take off the woman started talking to him. They carried on chatting for the entire flight.

I paused my film a few times and at no point did he even look over at me. They carried on laughing and chatting.

Generally on a flight he’s not one to chat. We both watch something on our individual devices. He told me afterwards that she was a nervous flyer.

Towards the end of the flight we had some turbulence. He knows that scared me but again they just carried on chatting.

I know nothing untoward happened so why do I feel so annoyed?

I'd think I'd be a little bit miffed if my husband ignored me for a full hour and a halfs flight too. But I would honestly say that I think it just seemed worse because you were on a flight as opposed to being at a party or function. He was across the aisle from you too, which makes it more tricky to converse with each other. Maybe he did keep checking across, but you were busy watching your film at those points? (Still no excuse for not asking if you were ok during the turbulence though).
I don't think you have anything to worry about or be jealous over, unless there's some background to this that you haven't included? Was the break away ok? Did you get on as you normally would? If so, I'd chalk this up to just one of those strange occasions. We can all convince ourselves that something perfectly innocent is nefarious! Maybe because she was younger and a nervous flyer, she'd said that it was nice to be distracted on a flight and your husband was too polite to go back to his film? Maybe he felt his protective father mode kick in. You said your children were adults, could this be a possibility? The fact that he'd hope if it was one of your children in the young womans position, that someone would do the same?
💐

Thank you. You’re absolutely right. Had we been at a party I wouldn’t think twice about it. We had a wonderful weekend away and he’s never given me reason to worry before. It was just an odd situation I think the fact she was young and pretty added to my insecurity. I’m surprised at how upset it made me feel.

Aww bless you. I know what you mean, I've been there myself, all unfounded of course, but it doesn't stop you feeling those insecurities once in a while and for the oddest reasons! Don't let it cloud your memories of a lovely weekend. I'm glad you had a good time! 💐

I think that was pretty rude and thoughtless of your DP . Ignoring the person you are travelling with to socialise exclusively with a stranger , no matter who that stranger is, is poor behaviour.

Did you tell him that you found it upsetting? And if so, was he apologetic?

I did tell him it was very upsetting. He apologised but still doesn’t think he did anything wrong. His apology was “I’m sorry if you felt I ignored you”. The fact is I didn’t just feel ignored I was actually ignored!

It’s so not his normal behaviour on a plane. He would always just watch something on his iPad or phone. We both feel claustrophobic on planes so tend to book adjacent aisle seats.

I think it’s the fact that he stopped what he was watching and carried on chatting to her for the duration of the journey without once looking over to me or asking if I was ok.

We’ve been together for years and traveled extensively so I know what he normally does when on a plane. I’m really not a needy person but just an acknowledgment that we were travelling together would have been enough.

So next time sit next to him and talk rather than watch your individual devices if that's what you would like to do. I don't see that he's done anything wrong.

I totally agree with you OP.

And actually I think his response is pretty poor. If he really doesn't think he did anything wrong then he must have been so engrossed in his conversation he wasn't even aware of you during the journey. Oherwise part of his mind would have been conscious he was ignoring you.

Very disrespectful of you.

I completely agree with you. Also if it had been an older woman who wanted to talk to him all that time he would've got really annoyed and would've called on you for help. He didn't even acknowledge you and that woman obviously thought he was single.

Thank you. I think it’s the fact he forgot I was even on the plane with him is what is so upsetting. He was very engrossed in the conversation. They were chatting and laughing. When I mentioned that he was so unaware I was even there and that I heard them laughing he denied that even happened.

He was loving the attention from a young pretty woman whilst ignoring you. I'm not surprised you feel the way you do OP.

You do realise as you're posting about a bloke talking to a woman that looked youngish you'll be told YANBU.

If you wait long enough you'll be told he's now had his head turned, arranging a weekend away with her so they can ramp things up and he's going to continue an affair whether you like it or not...

Ducks in a row, is your next move.

What a rude response from him.
The chatting to her was one thing.
Its the totally ignoring you that was rude and the to give you such a PA nothing response.
Not nice, not kind, and certainly not respectful.

Yep, this is what men do best. They tell you they were only "comforting" a woman in distress (who also happened to be young and fit). Really? Well what about comforting your actual fucking wife. Priceless isn't it!

So I’ve asked him again today if he understands why I’m upset and he still can’t see that he’s done anything wrong as he was just chatting to her.

I’ll get over it eventually!

I had some very understanding responses from posters yesterday and just wondered if anyone is around to help me understand this better.

I’m still so upset. My husband does not understand why at all. He said he’s sorry if I felt ignored but that wasn’t his intention. I know nothing happened and they were just chatting but I just feel so upset that he didn’t notice I was there.

In the scheme of things I know this is so incredibly minor so why does it hurt so much?

What kind of things were they laughing about? My husband couldn't go 1.5 hrs without referencing me, I'd say (not a boast, he just doesn't have many other topics). You'd expect him to find a way to bring you into the chat.
It is weird on planes though. I once sat by a couple who shared their (delicious) picnic with me and we shared lovely stories. 4 hr flight. Chatting away like besties. Landed, got in the queue, never so much as glanced at each other again.

I would not like that at all.

I wonder what he’s like with other women usually? Is he always a chatty person?

I think it would grate on most people if their partner ignored them for a flight and gave their exclusive attention to a (presumably) attractive younger member of the opposite sex. It’s just a bit rude and I’m sure you’d have been fine if he’d chatted to you as well for some of the time. However it’s done now. You’ve said your piece so I would leave it as in the scheme of things it’s a minor transgression.

He hasn't actually apologised though has he? He just won't accept he acted like a pathetic old goat and was rude to completely ignore you, because that's a bit embarrassing isn't it?

No useful advice OP. My DH was always like this. When I was young and confident it didn't bother me. When I was fat and middle aged it did. Now I'm old (and still fat) I sometimes wish he'd do it again and fuck off with them.

Do you have daughters?

I've had a similar experience on a flight with ex and it made me realise that our relationship wasn't quite what I thought it was. It really made me question the relationship. I felt snubbed.

The fact that your dh didn't check on you at all during the flight is rubbish. Sorry I don't know what to suggest except take some time to care for yourself and validate your own feelings, because he is invalidating them. Do something nice for you, you're obviously hurt so take care of you.

It sounds like OP didn't try and engage him in conversation either.

OP knows her DH best but I've had some really good chats with strangers on airplanes and trains, with both men and women.

I see DH every day and we talk about anything and everything but sometimes you get a different type of stimulus from talking to a stranger. And with OP not sat next to him it would have been harder to include her.

Somewhat on a tangent, I've been in work dinners where I've noticed some people at the end of a table feeling left out. But it would have been awkward to shout across the table to them so I leave them be and just make sure to talk to them after the meal for a bit. Similarly I've been at the end of a table where I've not felt fully a part of the conversation but I don't take it personally.

I dont get this. OP says they usually separately watch films. So they ignore each other then and thats ok?

Jeeez you sound high maintenance.