Should i be annoyed?

[PinaColada24]

My partner of 20+ years and I recently went a way for a long weekend. We have 2 adult children. I’m not normally insecure or the jealous type but for some reason this has unnerved and annoyed me.

On the flight home we were both sat in the aisle seat across the aisle from each other. It was only a 90 minute flight.

He was sat next to a young woman who looked to be in her early 20s.

He was watching a film on his phone and literally as the flight was about to take off the woman started talking to him. They carried on chatting for the entire flight.

I paused my film a few times and at no point did he even look over at me. They carried on laughing and chatting.

Generally on a flight he’s not one to chat. We both watch something on our individual devices. He told me afterwards that she was a nervous flyer.

Towards the end of the flight we had some turbulence. He knows that scared me but again they just carried on chatting.

I know nothing untoward happened so why do I feel so annoyed?

OP, what did you want him to notice about you during that time? Were you visibly upset at the turbulence or did you have headphones on watching the film? I don't think he was ignoring you..that's implies a deliberate avoiding. He was talking to someone else that's all., while were occupied. If you otherwise had a great weekend and he's a good guy I'm sorry but I think YABU unreasonable on this one and if you keep.pushing him to apologise for something he doesn't think he did, it's not going to end well. You FEELING like he was ignoring you isn't the same as him ACTUALLY ignoring you. He's apologised for you feeling that way. I'd drop it now. Really.

OP, just let him that one moment of flirtation, we all need to feel interesting and attractive to the world everyone again. And it’s really sweet that you are jealous, your love is alive. 😍

OP, have you never enjoyed a conversation with another person, without it meaning anything at all except that?

I don't think he's done anything wrong, and I would say I am usually pretty quick to jump to LTB.

It's nice for anyone to be 'seen' by a stranger and pass a pleasant hour on a boring flight - that's all this was.

If you'd tapped him on the arm and he'd shrugged you off, then that is ignoring you. But not having you at the centre of his thoughts 100% of the time is not that.

I think you’re so upset because this has made you feel a bit ‘old’ and realise that there are younger women out there that could catch ypur husbands eye and he could actually engage with if he wanted to. The fact he was so engrossed he ignored you made you feel it even more - unseen and irrelevant. Totally understandable even though there was no chance of anything untoward. He enjoyed it so much because it made him feel energised, a bit powerful and relevant (the opposite to how you must have felt).
His apology was a non-apology where he failed to see it from your side.
i think you need to chalk your lingering feelings up this this - recognise that’s how you felt and then try to move on. If you keep going on about it he’s going to keep remembering how lovely it felt.

I understand why you're upset too - feeling ignored and left out is horrible, especially somewhere like a plane where you can't just wander off and do your own thing.

I'm surprised so many people are defending him - you were sitting within arm's reach of him and he never thought to check on you or introduce you into the conversation? It's rude and thoughtless at best.

Did you try to talk to him and he ignored you? I do think YABU for repeatedly bringing it up because you don't like his response enough. Especially if your go to plane routine is watching your own stuff and ignoring each other!

I've chatted to so many people on planes, it's quite a normal thing to do.

I’m just interested if you would still feel the same if it was a 20 something man he was talking to or an older woman?
I think I’d be annoyed too. My DP is very attentive (overly so sometimes) but I think I’d be miffed if he chatted exclusively to someone else for the whole flight and ignored me

It's normal to chat but I don't think it's normal to totally ignore your partner while you do so!

My ex chatted almost the whole way on a flight to the man next to him, and I was upset and annoyed too. I think it's more the effort he'd put in with a virtual stranger, and leaving me feeling ignored that hurt. Would have been worse had it been a woman I think.

😂

I am older than you, OP and I would love my husband to have a bit of attention from someone interesting in your situation. It would do him the world of good to feel that someone enjoyed his company. It would give him something to tell me about.
I cannot imagine feeling jealous though. I love my husband to bits and completely trust him. I wouldn't make him feel bad about something that made him feel interesting and interested. I would feel similarly grateful if someone took an interest in talking to my mother on a longish flight even though it meant she didn't focus solely on me.

With kindness, you are creating a problem that doesn't exist.

DH has been a good husband to you for 20 years. He chose you, he continues to choose you every day. You are by definition the love of his life. You have a family together.

He had a great conversation with a young person he was sat next to on a flight, literally right in front of you. If he thought he was doing something wrong or had bad intention he would either not have done it at all (or perhaps kept checking to see if you had noticed his bad behaviour). He clearly didn't think he was doing anything wrong because his heart and mind were in the right place.

It's great that he had a nice conversation with the person he sat next to on the flight. I suspect quite strongly he might have felt quite paternally towards her if she was young and a nervous flyer (and he had young adult kids himself).

I think the real issue here might be a self worth and confidence issue. Which we all have from time to time! May I suggest though that instead of wasting time turning this into something it never was, use it as a catalyst to boost how you feel about yourself. Book a hair appointment, go shopping, exercise, have dinner with friends or hubby etc Look after yourself and enjoy the nice life together you have successfully created.

On the upside I actually think it's really sweet that after 20 years together you still can get a bit jealous. He is yours OP ❤