Can’t go on like this

[Zd24]

Posting here just for traffic and because I just simply can’t go on like this and I don’t know what to anymore.
i have 3 kids the youngest being 13 months and my older 2 are 9 and 7.
so a couple of weeks ago I started feeling lightheaded ( not dizzy or spinning or anything just kind of like a woah feeling as if I was moving backwards when I was standing /walking ) it kept on going only when I would go outside and walk. I was putting it down to being sleep deprived for months on end and under a lot of stress as the baby has never slept through the night and not been sleeping ok for months and husband isn’t much help with this, plus a blood test in August showed I was slightly anemic( I had this re tested on Wednesday and my iron levels are now back to normal ) Last weekend I started having severe panic attacks out of no where when the ends of my finger tips started buzzing ( not tingling just a fuzzy feeling) I had a severe panic attack during the middle of the night when I woke up with the baby, I was down stairs for over an hour with a racing heart, couldn’t control or stop my body from shaking and I was so lightheaded and couldn’t snap out of it for over 1 hour. I eventually came out of it and managed to get back to sleep after a few hours but woke up the next day with muscle pains all over and an achy chest. from that night on I’ve been having 3 to 4 panic attacks daily for the last 1 week. I’ve always been a worrier and health Anxiety and anxiety in general but never suffered with panic attacks. I went to the doctors on Wednesday who agreed he thought all of this was caused by stress and anxiety and he prescribed me beta blockers and sertraline. I do have health anxiety so immediately when I took the medication I thought I was having an allergic reaction and started having a panic attack so I stopped taking them after the first couple of days. For the past 3 nights I’ve woke up in shock in the middle of the night and into a full blown panic attack. I’m shaky all the time and all day, I feel lightheaded all day, I’m scared to go out, I had a bad panic attack last night just eating my dinner. I’m scared for myself and for my children and that I’m dying, that’s how it feels. Can panic attacks really make you feel this bad? I’ve genuinely convinced myself I’m dying and that’s why I feel this bad. I’m scared to go to sleep because I’m expecting now every night to wake up in shock and into a panic attack because that’s how it’s been for a week. I don’t know what to do, I’m scared to take the meds, my health anxiety it’s telling me it’s neurological and I’ve got a brain tumor or something and that’s why all this is happening. I’m just so exhausted from it and just want to go back to normal, I’m having so many panic attacks daily. Can someone please give me some hope that this may go better? I literally feel like I’m dying. I’ve now gone into another panic attack today because my vision has been feeling blurry and weird for weeks ( I do need glasses for long distance but I never wear them) I just can’t go on like this it’s making me so ill

You need to take the medication.

Yes, panic attacks can make you feel like you’re dying.

Take the medicine you have been prescribed.

Same advice, take the medication.

Same advice - and wear your glasses

Take the medication prescribed for you AND WEAR YOUR GLASSES!!!

can your husband help you more?

You know you have diagnosed conditions for which you are being prescribed medication and glasses. Your need to treat what you've been diagnosed with. You took medication for several days and did not have an allergic reaction. You already know you have health anxiety and need to use distress tolerance techniques to move forward.
No amount of reassurance is going to be helpful to your health anxiety. You know it too.
So yes, wear your glasses and take your meds.

I’m scared to take the meds Why?

Take the medication now. It's not relevant that you are scared. Your emotions are not in charge of you. Decide to take them. Put them in your mouth and swallow. No one can do this for you. Do it for the children if you can't do it for yourself. Then do the same tomorrow. If they make no difference after a few weeks go back to the doctor. Do it and come back and tell us you have done it. Put on your glasses too.

Yes, it can make you feel like you're dying. The first time my DH had one, he insisted I drive him to the hospital because he was 'having a heart attack!' Have you tried reading something like this - https://www.mercycare.org/bhs/employee-assistance-program/eapforemployers/resources/8-tips-for-coping-with-panic-attacks/

Take the tablets, wear the glasses. Why are you refusing to help yourself?

If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your children.

yes, my panic attacks are as you describe.

if youre struggling to take the meds, tell the doctor. i struggle to take them too.

Have you tried CBT? Not a quick fix and I would suggest you go back on the meds for now and give them time to work. I had very bad health anxiety and CBT really helped. I used to have panic attacks when I got worked up thinking I would die and then the panic attack caused symptoms that reinforced the thought I was going to die. It's a vicious circle. I really hope you get better soon. Mindfulness can help too. Not always practical with children but there will be some opportunities. If there is anyone who can watch baby for a while to give you a break then arrange that. A break could make a lot of difference too. You need to look after yourself to be the best mum you can be.

I say this gently, but if you DID have a brain tumour, would you take the chemo/radiotherapy/surgery recommended to treat it or would you convince yourself it was in fact AIDS or something? You have diagnosed conditions for which you have been prescribed treatments. Use them. By all means if it isn't helping go back and seek further help.

Anxiety is awful, I really feel for you. I don't get panic attacks but at times mine has been so bad I feel dizzy and my arms get pins and needles. I have some cardiac problems in the background of this so have been fully checked out and am fine - it's the anxiety.

I can empathise with you. I too have panic attacks trying new medication. You've taken this medicine though and not had an allergic reaction so please let that reassure you that it is safe to take them.
They do take a while to work and sometimes they can make the symptoms worse to start.
Sertraline sent my anxiety crazy and I only lasted a few days on them as it was too bad.
I now take citalopram and didn't have the negative side effects of it.

I had post natal anxiety after my youngest was born. Then it developed into panic attacks, then I got to crisis point so I went and saw my GP and went on medication. It was the best thing I could have done. I should have done it sooner. Not wearing glasses when you need them makes your sight worse, can result in headaches, blurry vision. If it was something else they would need you to wear your glasses and take your antidepressants for a couple months first so they could see what symptoms resolved from you doing that. You need to wear your glasses and take your medication. You need the medication, please take it and if you really can't please at least see your GP again, you need help to get through this. I didn't really want to take the medication, but once it had helped me and I was doing better the only thing I regretted was wanting so long.

Yes, panic attacks can make you feel that bad in my experience, though I know it's hard to fight the thoughts that it must be something more sinister. That's the panic talking and it's a vicious cycle as the doom thinking then leads to more panic attacks which lead to more doom thinking etc. Sertraline can make panic disorder worse initially but was well worth it for me in the end. My panic disorder was as bad as you describe yours to be. I promise you you can get better.

Your symptoms sound like vertigo.

What you're describing sounds exactly like my panic attacks. They do make you feel like you're dying, that's why they're so fucking scary. People who haven't experienced them think it's just feeling a bit nervous - it is not. Waking up with a panic attack is the worst feeling, just remembering how that feels makes me worried I'll start them again because it's so scary.

Take the medication. I found beta blockers absolutely fantastic for controlling panic. You cannot go on and off sertraline, that will make you feel ill. You need to take both medications for a length of time, reliably, for them to work.

Going against the grain here, sertraline made my panic attacks x10 worse. Apparently if you persist it gets better but I couldn’t cope. Not to say you shouldn’t take them , but maybe start with beta blockers?

As beta blockers on the other hand stop that horrible adrenaline loop. Can you at least take that for a few days? They work very quickly so you might find yourself brave enough to take sertaline once you’ve been ok beta blockers a week or so.

Just wanted to say I’ve been there and the physical sensations you have are down to anxiety. Your body is responding to an unseen threat so blood is being sent to anywhere that you need to run using, hence leaving you light headed, tingly in hands etc.

Try to read about the flight or fight response, and what it does to you physically.

My mum was horribly anxious for a bit, she actually went to an anxiety retreat which was miraculous, that could be a reserve option OP. Costs though!

My DH has health anxiety and developed panic attacks completely out of the blue and it's almost exactly the same as what you are describing. The tingly fingers/dizziness/heart racing. The first time it happened he called an ambulance because he thought he was dying. It happened while driving once so he was terrified to drive for weeks. He was absolutely convinced that there was something wrong, he would have the o2 sats probe on his finger for hours watching the trace. He got a headache and was 100% convinced it was a brain tumour.

We are two years on and he takes citalopram every day and thankfully hasn't had a panic attack in a long time. He sometimes still has the build up to it so feels a bit dizzy/overwhelmed especially in public places but has techniques in place to ground himself. It can get better for you.

Glasses. Spa with friends. Walking with dogs. And friends.

Panic attacks are harmless and yes they do mimic real symptoms. I have been through similar with my DC at around the same age. Mine was brought on by sleep deprivation and just general loss of confidence/identity that being a new parent can bring.
My doctor said it was late onset PND but I wasn't really depressed just anxious. It went after a few months but with anxiety and panic attacks the best thing you can do is diversion tactics, do things that are all encompassing like listening to podcasts while doing the housework or driving, anything to distract you from going deeper into the panic. I did a cognitive behavioral therapy course which was a godsend. I hope you feel better soon.

I have had this exactly as you described in the summer/autumn. I have ended up in a&e twice with chest pains after calling 111.

My symptoms were identical to yours, including the dizziness and panic. My blood pressure which was usually ok was sky high.

I have had numerous tests- I too was convinced it was a brain tumour- but mri and ct head were ok.

i too was prescribed citalopram but took them for a few days and convinced myself they were making me worse so stopped.

I started doing a daily early morning walk and trying to eat healthily.

The symptoms have been ok now for a few weeks - although I’m scared they’ll come back as I never really got to the bottom of why I got them.

i do wonder if they were triggered by a virus which then gave symptoms which induced the anxiety,

hope you get better soon.

My mum said to this to me as I’ve been like this on and off since the end of July. It started when I was in tk max and I was walking around and suddenly felt like the floor moved like I was on a boat and like the floor was bouncing up and down. I went to the doctors and after blood test they found out it was slightly defienct iron anemia and vitamin d deficiency. I got better after a couple of weeks of taking iron supplements then last month I was like this for 3 weeks, it started when I was sitting on the sofa feeding the baby and watching my phone and I kept turning my head between feeding the baby and looking at the phone and I just felt everything move and from then I was like that for 3 weeks before it resolved, I went to the gp 3 times the first 2 times they said they didn’t know what was wrong and most likely stress and the 3rd doctor said it didn’t sound anything like vertigo. After 3 weeks it got better and settled down and it started again a couple of weeks ago and I’m not sure if this is what has triggered all of this, but I have been under so much stress for months now.