to think that DSDs Mum is staggeringly selfish?

[indignantstepmum]

OK here goes:

1. She returned last week from a 2 week holiday on her own whilst DP and I looked after DSD (4)

1. She refused to have DSD back until the weekend (she returned on Tuesday) as she claimed she was too jetlagged, although when we called one evening she was out for dinner

1. We delivered DSD back to her as requested, only to find out she was taking her to her mums so she could go on a work night out that night

1. She has since said that she doesn't want us to have DSD for the usual amount of time this weekend as 'she missed her too much'

FFS, please tell me IANBU?

I think 4 is okay, but a bit rich after the previous few days when she could have had her child.

Could you have offered to take DSD instead of her going to her granny's? Should you have?

So long as your SD is happy I think that is all that matters. I assume she enjoys spending time with her granny?

I guess the issue is really that after two weeks away you would expect your DSD's mum to want to spend time with her, but maybe she couldn't. Now she is hoping to make ammends by spending a longer weekend with her daughter.

This is a good thing.

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No, we did offer to drop her back on the morning after instead but she insisted she wanted her back then.

AFAIK it was a night out, not compulsory, which makes it difficult for me/DP to understand

the proplem is either

1. we want to have SD full time/more often

or

1. We are fed up with having SD for sextended periods

or

1. We think EX is a bad mum.

I Think

sorry - extended

Message withdrawn

surely that's her business? Do you monitor the number of times she goes out and leaves her mum to babysit?

Might be a better idea to try and get on rather than criticising each other's parenting skills...

Looking after DSD is never an issue, we adore having her, and she loves staying here.

Neither DP or I have had any holidays alone, we have managed 2 week long holidays with the children though.

It's not the time she spends with us at all, it's her mums attitude really. We would be happy to look after her full time.

1 and 3 ?

Aimsmum, no neither of us go out on the weekends that we have the DCs, we save that for the weekends that we are available.

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While I couldn't imagine myself doing this, perhaps your dsd mum just couldn't cope for a few days for whatever reason. Even if, as you seem to be thinking, it is that she is selfish, I think I would just be glad of the extra opportunity you had to have your dsd.

yabu surely your dh should be glad of getting some extra time with his ds and why should her mum not have a holiday?im sure being a single parent must be a lot harder then a weekend dad

YANBU, 2 weeks away without her littleone (and she's still very little) then wants extra post jetlag child free time. Poor DSD.

I think it could be very hurtful to a 4 year old to find out that her mum is back from a 2 week holiday but doesn't want to see her yet.

And there's no way of really concealing that from a 4 year old no matter how tactfully it's put to her.

I don't think it matters really what any adults think about it - it's an unreasonable thing to do simply because of the child.

Isn't it just that you don't think this woman is suffering enough? How dare she ever ENJOY HERSELF the selfish cow,etc. FFS the child was with her father and a stepmother who presumably cares about her and doesn't just see her as a thing to slag her motehr off over, so where was the harm?

....no YANBU at all - it is very crap.

but, you will never ever be in the right as a step-mum especially if you dare to mention it on MN. Non-custodial parenting is a thankless task.

Staggeringly selfish? Bit much I think.

I went on a work trip to the US a month ago or so and I didn't pick my 18mo DD up the day I returned. I had a day off to recover. It was lovely.

None of the things you've mentioned seem particularly (or even at all) outrageous to me although I would want to see my DD sooner than 4 days after my return.

Don't agree madamez, it's not the going out that's the problem, it's the not wanting to see her dd.

I think that it is odd not to want to see your own child for four days after 2 weeks away, and to insist that she is delivered back to you only to be passed to the GP's.

Sounds as though she is the one using OP's SD as a pawn.

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child was with daddy! what's the problem?

ok, pawn was too harsh - still think it's hurtful to the child and can't imagine ever doing it except in dire emergency. Totally understand one night, margo - but 4?

Yes that is odd, I must admit. But taking to gps sounds ok to me if they go there regularly and DD often sleeps there and mum goes out once DD is in bed.

I must say though after I had been away I did ensure we were at home every night at a decent time for a while (we quite often stay at my sister's) because it was unsettling for my DD that I had been away and I wanted her to have some time in her own home with just us again.

Four days is odd, I agree.