To wonder if this idea will ever get off the ground? Surrogate grandparenting

[girlfriend44]

The adopt a grandparent/surrogate grandparenting scheme.
This has been discussed many times. I think it would be a well received service.
Plenty of families around who'd like to match with a grandparent and plenty of older people would like to become a surrogate grandparent etc.
How does this get going. Legally and properly?

There is a Facebook group for Américans where they post and advertise themselves.
The page dosent take any responsibility though.
What do you all think? You make your own decisions, just use the page to find people.

Is there a way.
I was thinking more like an agency where you actually meet and introduce people.
Any ideas, or it never going to happen?

Could you arrange events where people attend so parents are present.

I think there is a lot of scope for exploitation - both ways.

I like the agency idea as I imagine they'd at least DBS check the prospective grandparents and parents.

there are a lot of befriending schemes already in place that anyone can volunteer with if they wish to befriend an older person. Benefit of joining a scheme run by Age Concern, the local council or similar is that there is oversight and someone "in charge". If you have concerns about the person who has "adopted" you through a charitable organisation or similar (or have concerns about a neighbour/friend/relative) then there is someone you can raise that with. If it's an individual person to person arrangement then there's none of that safeguarding.

There are numerous schemes around, in our area there's a weekly afternoon tea where older or socially isolated people all meet up as a group in someone's home, people volunteer as hosts or drivers or just to sit and chat. There are also telephone befriending services, or services catering to specific groups such as the blind, or ex-service people.

I think the idea of adopt a granny is lovely, but far too open to exploitation of the granny concerned.

think the idea of adopt a granny is lovely, but far too open to exploitation of the granny concerned.

Then you keep.in touch and if the match dosent work out, you move on to someone else or opt out.

Bump. Hoping for more traffic.

I would never encourage adopting a grandad after the nice old 80 year old in my sister's street ended up befriending a neighbour and using that trust to sexually abuse his 6 yer old.

He would pass PVG checks because there was not enough evidence to convict, it turned out he had done the same thing previously but again no conviction/

Yes the fact this happened to be as a child too makes me feel quite Ill when I hear the term adopt a grandparent.

It was something heavily advertised 24 years ago when I had my first, and never got off the ground.
I suspect even less so nowadays when people are more aware of safeguarding.

It sounds nice but probably the chance of getting a GB-news watcher seems quite high, so I can imagine it would fizzle out quite quickly

Eh no, age doesn't remove risk and I am guessing there may be very different views on many issues.

Familiarity from birth and family bond, be it genetic or otherwise is what builds relationships.

I wouldn't be bringing my child around strangers. Checks or no checks.

think the idea of adopt a granny is lovely, but far too open to exploitation of the granny concerned.

Why are you only concerned about the grandparents being exploited?

Can't see it working. And I am a very community-minded, volunteering, kind of person.

As@Marblesbackagain said: Familiarity from birth and family bond, be it genetic or otherwise is what builds relationships.

I don’t agree with this statement about families at all. So much abuse and neglect and discontent happens in families. I’m not saying I’d invite a stranger in but equally, families do pose a risk.

I knew a couple who were surrogate grandparents but they were very careful not do or allow anything which could be misconstrued.

From the time the child was a toddler, right though their childhood, teens and early adulthood they were supportive and kind when just about nobody else was.

It is right to be careful but when it works it can really turn a child's outcome round.

Yes they pose a risk, but I m sure as hell not adding more people to a place of trust to increase the risk.

I know at least 3 schemes like this that have tried & failed. Just too many risks in both directions

Are there really swathes of elderly adults who wish to act as grandparents to strangers children? Surely they would do fostering or work in childcare if they were that into it. If it's just a scheme for people to volunteer free childcare, then does it really matter what age they are? As long as they're enhanced DBS cleared and receive first aid and other training.
It sounds like a nice idea but I'm afraid there could be all sorts of dodgy folks trying to get involved. Lots of paedos would pass a DBS.

@BobbyBiscuits I imagine not too many parents will choose a 70+ year old over younger child care professional individual.

Yes, @Marblesbackagain, even if everyone concerned was lovely and a good match, I’m sceptical that the “give and take” that’s typical with family members would occur.

At some point, the surrogate grandparent might need some support themselves and would the family be willing to provide it?

I could see older adults being used for childcare, gifts, etc. and then abandoned if they become ill.

My parents are dead but had they still been around when DS was born, I wouldn't have encouraged contact. They were not good parents.

However, I had a lovely neighbour, a widow in her 60s who DS made a beeline for at 3yo and has loved ever since. She now lives a couple of miles away but has become a 'pseudo-granny'. She loves DS, I look out for her when she needs a bit of help, and we get on really well.

I'm not sure these things can be arranged, but sometimes they just drop into place.

Yes plenty of benefits on both sides if it works well.

I honestly think that this works perfectly well in the old fashioned sense, where people are just people. Where alarm bells start to ring, is where you formalise it. Surely?

Why do you need formal, legal arrangements here? Grandparents have virtually no standing in law anyway - it's not like a parental contract.

Would you need to fully adopt a granny or could you borrow one and take them out for a walk with the kids now and then?

I think these kinds of relationships can develop organically, neighbours, people known to a child through church or community groups. Growing up I had lots of older people take an interest through church which was nice, none were close, we didn't go to each others houses or know much about each other really, but they were generally supportive.

Matching complete strangers seems unlikely to work. What child wants to get to know a random old person? They aren't interested - they prefer their own age or younger adults. If it's very young children then parents would need to be present and people don't even want to spend time with their laws let alone some random person.

I remember this idea being a story in my Nanna's People's Friend! She was my great grandma and she died in 1988!