To wonder if this idea will ever get off the ground? Surrogate grandparenting

[girlfriend44]

The adopt a grandparent/surrogate grandparenting scheme.
This has been discussed many times. I think it would be a well received service.
Plenty of families around who'd like to match with a grandparent and plenty of older people would like to become a surrogate grandparent etc.
How does this get going. Legally and properly?

There is a Facebook group for Américans where they post and advertise themselves.
The page dosent take any responsibility though.
What do you all think? You make your own decisions, just use the page to find people.

Is there a way.
I was thinking more like an agency where you actually meet and introduce people.
Any ideas, or it never going to happen?

Could you arrange events where people attend so parents are present.

Sounds like a paradise for predators tbh.

My DM has been a pseudo granny multiple times but every time the relationship has developed organically.

She lives in an area full of young families with GPs abroad. Her neighbours have been very happy to have reliable childcare, someone in the UK to give birthday and Christmas presents etc.

And as my DM is not from the UK herself she is very understanding of their situations.

Children are often abused by family though. We can't pretend they aren't.
Danger lurks in families.

My grandmother lived in a cul de sac and a family moved in opposite her with a 4yo & a 2yo when she was in her early 70s and they essentially adopted her. In some ways, they took complete advantage as she regularly babysat for them once a week for nothing more than a bunch of flowers and, as the children got older, they'd "pop by" after school and it always coincided with the mum needing to take one of them to an activity and my gran offering to look after the other one BUT my gran loved it. By this stage, she was retired, her siblings had died, many of her friends were ill or dying, her only child (my dad) was in a busy job and my siblings and I were teens. She really enjoyed their company and they seemed to enjoy hers. To an extent, it did work both ways as they would pick up some groceries and things for her. What mattered more than that was that they gave a quite lonely older person something to look forward to and a sense of involvement.
They moved when the eldest started secondary and it left a real hole in her life. They did stay in touch for a while but this was pre-mobiles, the DC were of an age when they were too young to have an independent relationship with her and, as she wasn't family, there weren't those family ties.

Yes, but adding random individual into places of trust heightens that risk. It would be a predators dream.

@Marblesbackagain @BruFord yeah, I can't really see the appeal in that regard. If it's just a mentoring thing where a kid spends an hour with an elderly person once a week for mutual enjoyment, then I guess it could be organised through schools and local age concern groups.

I'm sceptical. My (child free) friend did some befriending for age concern and the gentleman was sleazy towards her. My friend is in no way vulnerable but I can see worse potential outcomes.
The old lady across from me lived babies and children but also suffered from paranoia, she'd have loved something like this but would have scared the children at times (and been scared BY the parents).
It is lovely when it happens organically but if it is through an agency I think people ignore their spidey senses as they don't want to offend the other party.

Yes, if you were only comfortable with being present too, you could do that, a walk or an outing.
No different to Homestart they go into parents homes .

That also would be a huge nope from me. I don't want my children being with random people. We hold high standards and control for a reason.

I find people really don't have good judgement when it comes to older people. They tend to not apply the same caution.

It’s horrible to hear of an abusive old person talking advantage of this scheme but surely this will be a very rare event ? Parents trust their children to nurseries, schools, hospitals, churches, childminders etc where abuse also happens.

Those places have people who have been vetted since they commenced work. Have safeguarding training and are in a situation which has procedures in place to reduce risk.

And no it isn't a rare event because quite honestly people lower their guard and predators look for opportunities.

There is training etc in these places but abuse can still happen. Most lonely old people are not abusers. Of course care is always needed where children are concerned.

I don't agree it is the same.

Yea abuse can happen anywhere. But random adults without the protection of the policies and procedures of a professional childcare settings isn't going to be equitable at all.

We tell our children not to talk to strangers for a reason.

I think the idea is that the old person stops being a stranger after a while. It would be
mad to drop the kids off at a stranger s house but inviting someone local for tea a few times to see how things go might lead to a really important relationship especially when there are no real grandparents in the picture.

I wouldn’t trust my children with strangers. Not only safeguarding but influence in other ways. Family and friends is one thing.

A local care home to me runs regular baby singing groups where the residents get to interact with the children and build relationships the parents which seems like a lovely halfway house.

I really don't think you are appreciating how low the boundaries you are applying just because they are old.

Run the scenario with a 30 year old man. Doesn't socialise and knows all the kids lingo? Are you dropping them off after tea a few times? No? Why not? Now apply that rationale to the older person.

There may be a very good reason they are alone. By all means adults engage but not a chance I would ever put my child in unnecessary danger.

There’s no need for the children ever to be alone with the ‘grandparent’ under this scheme is what I meant- I wasn’t clear. And most people are not abusers, old or not. Obviously you wouldn’t risk this scheme and that is your choice, but I hate to think of kind old people who are lonely and have something to offer being rejected because a small number of their contemporaries are dodgy .

My mum and dad didn't have much family and their neighbours never had children. They developed a good relationship over 10 years.
When I was born I grew up with them as my surrogate grandparents.
They were also my oldest great grandparents.

I have some of the best memories in thier house with my parents growing up thought life. We were genuinely devastated when they each passed. Two very wonderful people.

I really hope something could be created to help create what I had as a child. Because it was a complete feeling if safety and happiness on both sides if the relationship.
But as everyone has said it would be very easy for either side to take advantage if not doing it for genuine reasons.

is this any different from Homestart though, they have volunteers that go into ppls homes?

yet they all gone online and talk to them hmm?

@girlfriend44 most parents I know don't allow their children to talk to strangers online. In fact, none of mine are allowed to use any platform where that's even a possibility.

There's not a chance in hell I'd be signing up to any set up which put them in contact with adults they don't know, much less force some kind of fake grandparent scenario.

Why do you have this belief that someone's advancing age somehow makes them less of a risk to children?

Another nope, why would you want a stranger in your home? Surely if you need support it should be professionals?

Eh no. Where on earth do you get that idea. My children don't have access to open platforms.

They are on closed places for education and recreation. Fully supervised by their parents. Seriously where on earth do you get off suggesting that.

If I keep them away from strangers in real life I am hardly stupid enough to let them loose on line 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I don't know any parent who take risks like you are suggesting.