Aibu to stop this multiple Christmas day madness?

[Sugargliderwombat]

So we have toddlers and babies in the family now, and we seem to be settling into a routine that I think is odd but wondering if IABU to basically stop the tradition from next year.

To account for multiple adults who work over Christmas (none of whom have children) we seem to have ended up doing 3 seperate Christmas days that cater for them. So my side I have to do boxing day, my OH side is Christmas eve and then Christmas day on our own. But instead of being them joining in with Christmas eve or boxing day we are doing 3 full bloody Christmases, that is madness going forwards, right?

I'm the one not getting a Christmas dinner. This year looks like being the second Christmas Day that I'm on my own, and when I do see the family, they'll all have had their Christmas dinner and will be expecting something different. It's already been made clear that they don't want to eat multiple roasts that week.

If I'm entirely honest, it makes me sad. I want my family around the table with me, eating turkey and all the trimmings, and pulling crackers and it being 'my' alternative Christmas. But I can't say so, so I'll keep my mouth shut, put a brave face on being alone, and cook un-Christmasy buffet food for the family days I host.

Yes, this. Nobody should expect a full on replacement dinner on Boxing Day. It’s a buffet day!! Their choice to have a job that works over Xmas and they can cook their own full on dinner and invite you over if that’s what they want.

And I’ve never heard of having a full on turkey dinner on Xmas eve either - usually it’s a nice glazed ham or something and some Christmassy cocktails.

Surely if Christmas Eve is when you are seeing the in-laws then that will be when they get their presents and vice versa . If someone wants to go the whole hog and cook a Christmas dinner then that’s up to them . Nobody is expecting you to cook 3 Christmas dinners . WRT children believing in FC that is nothing to do with getting presents from other people .

We have full on Christmas Dinner 3 days in a row. Always have. But there is so much options that you can technically have different food each day. Gifts only on one day though.

Not normal to have three Christmas days. We have two main days to celebrate Christmas on alternate years, eg we see my family on 25th and husband’s family on Boxing Day then swap over each year. But we don’t have Christmas dinner both days! Still have nice lunch, crackers on the table, exchange presents etc but don’t treat it like Christmas Day if it’s not.

Definitely Father Christmas only comes on Christmas Eve. You can still give each other presents on the other days but gifts from the main man are only there on the morning of the 25th.

The hosting needs to be shared around on both sides of the family so that it’s not always you.

@saraclara can you do a big spread on New Years Day? We used to do crackers then as well as Christmas Day if we had some left over

Why would your family leave you on your own on Christmas Day?

Pretty standard in our family . However I generally always host 2 days out of 4 at least.

DB and family Xmas eve. But not hosting we go out.

Xmas day here usually, ds ILS and DM

Boxing day open house here. Again it's, dm, ds and dil.

Around 27 / 28th at my DFs with DB Dsis and SIL

I had 3 Xmas's when I was younger. The w/e before at my Nan's. Xmas Day either at home or Auntie's and Boxing Day reversed. All the family attended the 3 days, every family had their day of hosting. Presents were only on Xmas Day though, with only a little stocking filler type present on the other days.

I absolutely loved it growing up and thought I was so lucky to have 3 Xmas's. Think of the DC, lol.

I'd ask/tell family coming that you're not doing the standard Christmas meal. We stopped doing these in our family as everyone would groan at the thought of turkey and then there were those that were allergic or vegan or whatever. So better to mix it up a bit.

Mom had quite a bit of fun over the years. Once she decided we should all have lobster (lobster races across the kitchen floor anyone?) and another time it was all wild food - bear, hare, venison.

@Sugargliderwombat It’s a tough one because people who have to work Xmas Day (often public sector workers like police, firefighters and NHS) should be able to celebrate on another day.

But I agree three full Xmas dinners over three days would be a bit much. Is it just your immediate family on Xmas Day? If so, could you have something different (e.g. a whole salmon/en croute, roasted baby new potatoes and steamed veg) on Xmas Day and save the roast turkey for the family get togethers?

As for why Santa has left presents with relatives to give kids on Boxing Day, could those relatives not get their presents to Santa early to deliver with the rest on Xmas night? If the relatives want to watch the kids open them, you could suggest the kids save them to open the next day. Or it could the relatives explain they’ve asked Santa to deliver them to their house, so they can give them when they see your kids, as they love watching them open them? I found it easy to explain most Santa things, by saying ‘because he’s magic’.

I think having three different Christmas is normal but in my family the food is different on each day.

Exchanging gifts and seeing family across multiple days is pretty normal. Not 3 Christmas dinners though!
If the in laws are insistent on doing a roast on Christmas eve then I would be tempted to do something else on Christmas day that you enjoy and then have a buffet on boxing day with your parents who you mention are quite lenient.
I would check on the Santa idea though as some excitable grandparents like to take over with this idea and say that he stopped at their house too and produce another sackful - amazing as a kid, not so as a parent.

Yes that’s not normal. It’s normal to see family on those days, and exchange family presents, but not to basically pretend all 3 days are Christmas Day and have the same menu 3 days in a row! You can do something special and festive on Boxing Day without it being a full Christmas dinner, and if you’re hosting you get to decide on the food.

I would nip this in the bud NOW, or you will regret it in five years time. Utter madness.

@Sugargliderwombat WHY cant someone else cook on boxing day in your extended family??

Sorry OP, I haven't RTFT, just your responses so I'm sure I'm repeating everyone.

I think the set up in terms of seeing one family on Christmas Eve, one on Boxing Day and just being by yourselves on Christmas Day is pretty standard.

Three Christmas dinners is a bit much.

Personally, I'd stick with Christmas dinner on the 24th and 26th and do something very easy like pizza when it's just you on Christmas day. Lean into it being a relaxed day of playing with new toys, with the big gatherings either side.

Why can't you say so? And why are your family leaving you alone on Christmas Day? If it's because you're working, can't you do something festive there? (Appreciate this will likely not be full roast dinner depending where you work but we always used to have Christmas cake/mince pies/pigs in blankets etc. laid out to dip into between patients).

I’m lucky not to be working Christmas Day but have done my share over my years as an NHS nurse.
My DM did a repeat once for me and would probably have done the same for my DSis.
DD is now a student nurse and I’ll happily do a repeat Christmas dinner for her when required.
Three consecutive Christmas dinners seems a bit OTT but if you’re on your own on Christmas Day why not just have a buffet?

For the same reason that in another recent thread, the majority of posters felt that parents of young children should be able to have Christmas Day with just their own little family.

Like parents of adults are supposed to, I made all the right noises when they expressed that wish, and following last Christmas Day, so as not to guilt anyone, I told them I'd had a nice day on my own.
So they're not being mean. I get why they want it, and they think I'm fine with it.

Why can't you say so?

Because a) on Mumsnet that would be called guilting them, or being entitled, and b) because that's clearly not what they want from the day, so why would I want them to feel they have to invite me?

Genuinely, I understand why that's what they want. And I'm on Mumsnet enough (too much in fact) to recognise that this is where grandparents have to just suck it up with a brave face and wait for Boxing Day.

That's very kind of you. I think you should think about being honest. We'd never leave our parents on their own (one side widowed, the other will be in the next few years). As you eloquently said, it's about the family gathered around the table joking about sprouts and telling terrible cracker jokes.

Thank you @BarbaraHoward ♥️

It’s a lot of work for you and I assume quite repetitive. If nobody else in the family can host, I would at least switch up the menu.

Christmas Eve: Big fish pie
Christmas Day: Turkey
Boxing Day: Ham, leftovers and cheeseboard

We host on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, but we don't do turkey and all the trimmings every day.

Christmas Eve we have a party with a buffet in the evening for family and friends.

Christmas Day we have turkey and the trimmings for Christmas lunch for family.

Boxing Day we do smoked salmon/bucks fizz and other things buffet breakfast/lunch for family and friends.

Over the three days this includes pretty much everyone we want to see over the Christmas period.

It all starts again with a different batch of friends, who live further away, over New Year.

It's a lot of work, but I enjoy entertaining. I wouldn't be cooking a big Christmas meal three days running though.

A few of our friends and family have offered to host, but we have got the biggest house and I prefer being at home.