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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mother buying everything for my baby

80 replies

SaveMeNow2024 · 24/11/2024 10:19

This actually happened many years ago but I still think about it.
I had just told my parents I was pregnant, I hadn't yet had the 12 week scan so it was very early. First pregnancy.
We travelled down to where they live to tell them in person. Everything was great, everyone was very happy.
Next time we visited, a couple of weeks later (still hadn't had scan), my mum presented me with a huge bag of clothes, blankets etc, and proudly said "there, that's everything you need, so you won't need to buy anything at all".
I found it bizarre that she would assume I/we wouldn't want to buy anything for our own child. I can understand she was excited (although she already had 3 other grandkids), but it did feel as though she'd stolen my thunder, and taken away the special feeling of buying our baby's first outfit, blanket, etc.
We were not at all short of money so it wasn't as though she thought she was doing us a favour; it was purely for her own excitement and pleasure.
Add to this all the items were hideous, mostly beige, not my taste at all (as a child she dressed me in awful clothes), and my DH said he felt as though it was jinxing the pregnancy to be buying everything so early. (Luckily our baby was born healthy, but I had a very difficult pregnancy with a few scares along the way).
In the end I thanked her, but said we would prefer to choose things ourselves, and asked if she would like to buy baby's first soft toy to put in the cot when he was born (she did this, and he actually still has the teddy she bought, 14 years later).

Was I being unreasonable to refuse the bag of beige?

OP posts:
Atishooo · 24/11/2024 16:17

Asode from everything else the bad luck thing is ridiculous. There is no such thing as jinxing anything,

Flopsythebunny · 24/11/2024 18:32

batt3nb3rg · 24/11/2024 16:14

I find people like you so annoying. People who will tell you to "not worry about" something as a way of telling you to shut up, as though you can only discuss things that you're worried about and fixated on. Maybe it says more about what's going on in your little brain though, personally I think about many things, both while doing nothing, while engaging in mundane daily tasks, and also while doing things that are slightly more interesting. If you are the type of person who only occasionally has thoughts knocking around in your skull, I can see why it might be baffling to you that someone might be thinking about something that isn't hugely important, and might even be doing so while doing other things! I pity you if you only think when you have nothing else on.

Oh dfod

Temporaryname158 · 24/11/2024 18:36

The fact you are abc perhaps means there’s more to this however I see nothing wrong in what she did. She was excited and unless she has a keen eye on your bank account probably thought she was helping financially

you weren’t obliged to use any of her clothes and certainly not as a first outfit if you didn’t want to. Nothing stopped you going out and buying a first outfit.

i think you need to let it go

RedHelenB · 24/11/2024 18:37

Janedoe82 · 24/11/2024 10:54

weird reaction. The polite thing to do would have been to just take them and buy your own stuff!

This. And given babies get through a lot of outfits in those early days I'm sure they'd have come in handy. You still could have bought the first outfit for them to wear when they were born and clothes more to your taste.

Danikm151 · 24/11/2024 19:04

My mom bought all my sons school uniform - she got excited she said. Whilst i was grateful I wanted to buy it myself as a parent. I did get to buy his school shoes but that’s only because I had to take him with me. For Christmas presents I’ve had to tell her to give me a chance to get some things that he really wants. She understands but gets excited for his reaction. I’m excited too so I want to get him some things.

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