to think that dh might spend some of his 'bonus' and other money coming his way on me??

[HappyNewYearFeet06]

Ok. At the moment we have just scraped through last month. As we have had a holiday and some other unexpected bills so it has been tight but we have made it, just! Not the usually month that we have and we are usually fine and comfortable, so to speak.

Dh is getting a bonus from work and also has some other money coming from somewhere else this month too. I have got a couple of things in mind thatI would like, the same as he has said there is a coupleof things that he would like.

Should he spend it on me as well as himself??

Have to say my DH does appreciate it (this is the first time I have ever had to do it). Maybe you should have a word with him and tell him how you feel re money. We are always open with each other and if I felt a bit hard done by, I would say. (we have separate bank account but I have the passwords for his Internet Bank, if I need money, I take it out of his and transfer it into mine). It's hard sometimes isn't it, not earning your own money to spend how you wish. Have you not thought about getting a job 1 day a week, just to give you some pocket money?

HNY2006, I regularly pointed out to my ex that I alone bore all the sacrafices for parenthood and that that wasn't fair. It was me that had no salary, and his salary was not family money, oh no! I was the one with no pension, no opportunity to save, my career that slid down the pan..... He did not seem to think that was unfair.

I hope you can make your husband see that it's not right.

I think YANBU to expect him to share his bonus.

DH and I have separate accounts and pay the same into a joint account.

However any one-off wind-falls (specifically bonuses and gifts from my parents etc) go into the joint account or will be used for a joint treat.

I think it is very selfish for your DH to not share his bonus, especially as you don't have chance to earn yourself.

I think you need to tell him how you feel, and that you want him to spend time with his children (all 3 at once preferably!). Then maybe he'll appreciate you more and the hard job you do.

Couples have to work out what works for them. We both always worked full time over 19 years married with children. And like th eother poster above who earned more than her husband (I was earning 10x more by the time we divorced) everything as in a joint account always and was our joint money (until the divorce when he wanted and got more than half of course... different story for a different thread) and we never argued about money either and like the other poster above who earns more than her husband there was no question but that things domestic were evenly divided. He took the children to the dentist for 17 years (I never took them once) for example, he dealt with all the terry nappy washing. He got home first from work to let the nanny go home. I did the school bags. He put the washer on every morning. I did our tax returns. I combed the girls' hair in the morning.

But that either comes down to money and power - some women are just not going to let a husband even for one week be sexist and that's established right from the start and they don't let or enable the sexist behaviour. Others don't have the personality like that to insist on that or they don't; have the power, money, control which money gives you to insist on it or they are lucky and have none of that power or personality but happened to marry a man who was fair.#

As for can't work because can't afford first month's child care, a lot of parents see childcare as a joint cost. It would be sad if that were only the case where the woman earns many multiples of the man. Even if the man earns £509k and the women £25k I don't see why the man shouldn't be calling round childminders and visiting nurseries. We always did that stuff jointly even in the 1980s. It would never have struck me that that was a woman's issue at all.

But if you love him and he won't change you might just have to put up with how he is because the other bits balance out and gradually get back to work as the children get older and buy a cleaner, help with children etc if he isn't going ever to help.

We have a joint account, as soon as the money is paid in it becomes our money. DH gets a bonus at xmas and we use it for buying presents, I get a bonus in March and we usually put that towards a family holiday.

My first marriage I worked long hours and earned £££££. He shopped for his lunches at m and s at 50 quid a pop and spent vast sums of money on designer clothes for himself whilst proporting to look after the children.

Even when he went back to work he still spent a fortune and when we divorced I refused to pay his debts.

Married second time round to someone who works whilst I am a lazy writer and sahm, my income is lower than his. After years of marriage, we have just opened a joint bank account.

The shoe is on the other foot

Ooops, meant to answer op - his bonus is coming up. He has already earholed most of it - taxes, school fees and a huge unexpected house repair....

Disgusting sensible.

i am shocked by this attitude to money.
we have one joint account
money goes in
bills get paid
we both know if we are flush or tight for money at any time. if we are tight then we are both careful. if we are flush or have had a bonus or something then we'll splash out. we don't "check" with each other, but we both are responsible and care for each other/the family's finances/wellbeing and wouldn't take the piss.

am shocked by this attitude to money.
we have one joint account
money goes in
bills get paid
we both know if we are flush or tight for money at any time. if we are tight then we are both careful. if we are flush or have had a bonus or something then we'll splash out. we don't "check" with each other, but we both are responsible and care for each other/the family's finances/wellbeing and wouldn't take the piss.i

We each put a set amount into a joint account every month which goes towards mortgage, food, bills etc.

the rest (which admittedly isn't much) is our own money which I think is so much better. I spend mine on what I like and he spends his on beer!

I would hate to feel I had to ask my partner before buying anything.