DH and DS plans

[WindyMillerSmith]

AIBU to feel a bit hurt that DH and DS have made plans tonight to game together and haven’t talked to me about whether that’s ok. I’m on my own, yet again while they play together. Feeling a bit sad.

I take it this is a regular occurance OP?
How old is your DS?

If they are in the same house you aren’t exactly alone ! Find something else to do or open a bottle of wine and watch a film.
I actually think it’s nice that a Dad and his son share a hobby .

Get an extra controller and join in?? Otherwise I'd enjoy the peace and quiet. Unless they are hogging the television.....

Yes. It is. He’s 12.

I’m also not stupid. But thanks.

Is this a 7 nights a week plan?

I dont want to game. It’s fine that they are, I just think it would be nice to do something as a family once in a while. It’s just not nice to be completely left out without so much as a ‘we were thinking of gaming, do you mind?’ I feel like I wasn’t even considered.

There is never a plan. I work away a fair bit and DS is usually gaming with friends. I’m just feeling unconsidered.

Have you tried talking to your DH about how you feel?
He should be setting aside some time to spend with you.
It's totally not fair if you are always sidelined.

Honestly if I wanted to do something with DD I wouldn’t run it past DH unless it was expensive or inconvenient. I do get that it must feel lonely if it’s every night though

Suggest an alternative group activity?

If you work away a lot, there may be an element of them being used to not needing to consider you as much, not out of unkindness but because you’re not physically there always?

Suggest something to do together then?

Thanks. Sidelined is the right word. I feel like it doesn’t set a good example either. To kind of exclude one member of a group by doing an activity they don’t, without at least acknowledging it. I’d not do it and if DS did I’d explain it’s a little rude.

DH doesn’t respond well to feedback so I pick my battles. I’ll have a moan on here and let it go. I might talk to DS about it if the consensus here is that it’s a bit off.

Same problem here. Only my son is 33 and he and his Dad go out a lot together (which is nice) but never inform me. It makes me sad, frustrated, upset. No advice, sorry.

It had already been decided when I started to talk about tonight. DH wouldn’t have backed me up. Also it’s ALWAYS me that suggests and plans activities.

I am feeling very whiny tonight! Can you tell?

So you moan when they plan things for them (how many mothers do things with their daughters without their husbands and are encouraged to?) and moan that you have to plan things?

You want to do something together then you need to plan it

You too eh? Sorry. I think it’s the not being told that’s worse. If I know I’m going to be on my own I might arrange to do something or at least plan my time a bit better. It does feel like I’m inconsequential.

Why is it all on me? I wouldn’t dream if just planning to do something just me and DS in an evening without at least mentioning it to DH.

I know what you mean op. For me its football here. I'm used to being left out.

I think it's nice that your DH is involved with an interest of your sons. It just so happens they both like to do it.

What did you all do throughout the day? Does it happen every night/time you are not working away?

Wow 93% unreasonable. At least that’s clear. I’ll pull myself together and suck it up. I would just like us to feel like a family but I can move on. I’m pretty resilient usually. Just sad tonight.

Thanks. 🙏

DS was out all day. DH and I had lunch.

Because you're the one with the issue

Plenty of parents plan to take their child out without asking the other along. Not everything has to be as a unit

It sucks but inform them a specific night or two (you decide what works) is for family time and activities and they can’t game on those night (s). Then make plans - eg each person takes a turn to plan an activity (non gaming) for that night.