To ignore MIL about this (TW infant loss)

[BellaSignoraa]

Next weekend will be the anniversary of the loss of our first baby. Unfortunately the day is also my MILs birthday, a big birthday this year. I have always hated this being the same day and I know it can’t be easy for MIL, who I generally have a good relationship with.

I the last 4 years I have just put a little post on social media to mark DD on this day. Nothing gushy or horrid, usually just a little foot picture and name with a heart in the caption. I’m not a massive SM user but on that day it makes me feel like she’s not being forgotten about.

MIL has asked me not to post it this year and could I wait until the next day. She uses SM a lot more than me. She doesn’t want to be bummed out on her big birthday and we are going to be having a celebration on that day.

I do get it, but it hurts my heart a little bit that we will be having a nice time without acknowledging DD. We are at the ILs for the weekend. Part of me knows that none of it really matters and the most important thing is that we are thinking of her, and we do everyday so why use one day to mark it more? But I’m struggling with how I feel about it. Part of me hates that I even care about sharing it 🤣

I was thinking of just doing it anyway but would that BU?

(yes I have spoken to DH about it. He doesn’t really get it from either perspective.. or he’s just saying that to keep out of it)

It's not even remotely comparable to what op is going through.

The grandparent shouldn't be asking anything from the parent in this situation, it's their job to be supportive only and they can get support from elsewhere.

If she truly didn't want to see anything that day on social media she should have quietly sorted it by blocking ops posts or just not going on social media that day, not ask a bereaved parent to be quiet about her own child so she doesn't get bummed out.

You MIL is being childish and unreasonable.

Flying out in the morning. Took flowers today. Much harder than I thought it would be leaving when we won’t be here

Spoke to MIL and I am going to put a post first thing in the morning. With people gathering about 3pm it shouldn’t be disruptive or like I’m moping through her celebration (which I am still looking forward to). She said she understands and we are all going to light a candle together on the day 💖 thanks all.

It seems like she didn’t want people to feel awkward if they were reminded of the date, but we’ve agreed ignoring it could be worse and create an elephant in the room type scenario

I'm glad you and your MiL have come to an agreement OP.
It's very hard for you
Your lovely DD will be in your heart for ever.

I think she’s incredibly rude to ask that. How heartless. She should want to remember her grandaughter on the anniversary

Well handled with your MIL.
Aside from that, I can't imagine the feelings you felt leaving flowers knowing you can't visit on the day, when that has always been so important to you. You're still honouring your baby though and no matter where you are in the world, your baby will always be in your heart. Sending love 💕