To think parents shouldn’t bring toddlers to fancy restaurants?

[ThatFancyExpert]

It’s not about “hating kids,” but some places should be reserved for adults who want peace and quiet.

I remember bringing my 3yo DD to a fancy restaurant for my mother's 70th, DH was working and my usual babysitter was my niece who was also at the dinner. I didnt feel comfortable doing it (and she was a fairly placid child too) but it was my mother's 'big birthday' so felt I didnt have much choice, and if push came to shove I would just leave. Thankfully she behaved but we left before dessert as by that point she started to get scratchy. I couldnt think of anything worse trying to calm a small child outside the restaurant / in the car.

I expected him to say something like, ‘Sorry it wasn’t as nice as you’d have liked today. Please have a coffee in the lounge on us to acknowledge things weren’t as good as usual’ - we’re regular customers, the staff know us and you’d have thought they’d want us to keep going back.

Obviously the child being a pain wasn’t the restaurant’s fault, but a modicum of acknowledgment that listening to screaming throughout a tasting menu isn’t ideal would have been nice.

Depends on the child!

My eldest would not have disturbed any diners by 3 years old. Mind, she wouldn't have eaten much either - her tastes at that age were extremely bland. We went to a few nice places at lunchtimes with DHs grandmother and she ate bread and plain chicken and quietly amused herself. Her brothers are now 4 and we have risked pizza express twice. They squirm and drop cutlery and make noise.

Not everyone will judge it correctly, and a wall behaved child could have a bad day. I don't see a lot of young children at restaurants though, particularly in the evening.

If they're quiet enough you won't notice them. Some kids can sit and eat with their families and talk etc and behave appropriately - mine did. Some kids take a bit longer.

Has anyone been reading this thread with Nothing Compares 2 U running through their head?

I agree op (& I have a child). When I go out at night with my friends, I’m paying a lot of money & I don’t want to hear sweet little Jonny have a strop because he can’t get what he wants on YouTube.

Equally, when I go out for tea with my friends & our DC, we go to wethers or pizza express because I don’t want those people in a fancy restaurant being subjected to our kids!

I don't understand the 'you have to take them young so they learn how to behave' argument - if I'd tried to teach DD algebra when she was a toddler it wouldn't have ended well. But at 10 she picked up the basics very quickly. Similarly, most toddlers have poor impulse control, and little understanding of how their behaviour affects others. However most 10 year olds (and hopefully a few years younger than that) could behave acceptably in a restaurant even if it was a new experience, assuming expectations had been discussed beforehand.

What do you mean by 'fancy'?

Why ever not? My little Tarquin has been eating at Michelin restaurants since he was 2 days old. We simply get him to do a bit of light reading to keep him quiet, War and Peace usually does it.

Absolutely this!! I would rather keep the fancy restaurant for date nights, and take my LO to the family friendly places

Fair enough, I was just thinking it may have been better to have quietly said something during so they could have discretely asked the couple to keep it down or take the baby outside as it was disturbing other guests.
I think if a customer had said something to me when I was a server after the fact I would have been a bit like ok? Sorry about that? But not much else.

If kids are well behaved at a different table, why does it matter other parents have made a different choice to you? I don't understand why children should be banned? What children should be is well behaved in these sorts of settings, actually all restaurants to be honest. Teach them to sit nicely at home and you don't have any problems

It was impossible to say something as we were sat literally a few inches away from the couple and child. The woman and I were virtually in each other’s laps, which was why it was all so uncomfortable. These waiting staff are very well trained and I’d have expected them to be a bit more intuitive.

Anyway, since then I specify on bookings that we want a quiet table.

I think the toddler stage is the worst one tbh as they’re so unpredictable and there’s not much they can do quietly for several hours. Babies can be breastfed to sleep and slightly older children can do colouring as mine used to, but three hours in a restaurant at about 18 months old, is, I think, a recipe for disaster. And every time they took him for a wander, he was in the way of staff and imposing on other tables.

Generally the parents annoy me more than the children. They're either performance parents, announcing everything very loudly so that everyone knows what perfect parents they are and that everything is an educational lesson, or ineffective parents with screaming (as in the stupid shriek, not a sad baby) kids running around or staring at a blaring iPad.

That’s simply just not right.
Our children are well behaved and have always gone to beautiful restaurants, including many Michelin starred ones around the world.
They love the food and we’ve always had rules about sitting down, no screens at the table etc.
If they were misbehaviour at all, we would’ve immediately removed them
We would always bring a book or a colouring pad and set of pens.
I have had more meals, and plane trips in business class, ruined by drunk adults than by kids

I always brought mine with me pretty much from day 1. They never acted up because 9 times out of 10 they were engaged with the staff or the venue.

They both like nice food and were quite capable of sitting, chatting, the odd puzzle book or rubix cube was in my bag.

The older one loves to cook and is vegan the younger one still loves his food and applies high standards toy attempts 😉

Yeah was definitely easier to take my son out when he was basically a potato. Just fed him to sleep and enjoy dinner.
Currently only take him somewhere during the day when quiet.

‘Peace and quiet’

well behaved toddlers (and adults) fine

Uncontrollled toddlers (and adults) - not.

There are trade-offs involved in choosing to be a parent.

Giving up nice dinners for a few years (or budgeting for babysitting) is one of them. It's so selfish to spoil the atmosphere for other patrons.

But the issue is if you know you are going to want to take them when they are little (so, for instance, on family holidays where you may not want to use a hotel babysitter), you can’t so easily wait until they are 10.

In these circumstances it’s really only fair on everyone to have them learning early so they understand by osmosis how to do it, rather than waiting until they are old enough to explain it, or expecting them to suddenly grasp it only when you suddenly need them to. Obviously algebra requires quite a lot of mathematical concepts; learning that you sit still and quietly at a table is more a behavioural skill that children do pick up by observation and practice and a reinforcing home routine, rather than an explanation.

But if we had a travelling nanny I might consider waiting for a big chat about “what is expected of you” and you are right that they’d probably grasp it all first time.

To me I think the problems come when young children are being asked to depart from their normal routine. Babies are normally actually very good in those circumstances. The tricky age is about 18 months I think.

Why worry about things that don’t actually happen?

Some people will give you the whole “kids are humans too” but I’d definitely be selective where I take my two year old to eat. I also have a brother who is think twice about taking to a “posh” restaurant. Some settings aren’t for everyone.

I do agree that if you take them young, one or other of the parents has to be prepared to leave if it all goes tits-up.

I definitely understand eating out when on holiday (we have) but not at a fancy restaurant, that can still wait until a child is able to behave appropriately - children can still be taught to behave well in Pizza Express, but without spoiling special meal for others if they struggle.

Me and my partner are child free. We just try and choose adult only venues or eat later to avoid the noise and potential disruption caused by kids. 🤷🏼‍♀️ we usually book tables after 7