Cheatimg or not cheating

[Ang1231]

So you see someone for couple months but in that time someone who u had history with this is a person who only used u for sex message and u met him twice and was a mistake was it cheating if u was not in a relationship onky just started seeing that person casually and was when u first met this person

Yes

This is so hard to follow.

Was the new person under the impression that you were exclusive? If so then, yes, cheating. If still in the first stages of dating and not clear if you were a couple then not cheating.

this is complicated because even if you weren’t official it depend a lot upon what you were saying to each and leading each other to believe.

Telling someone things and acting in a certain way that lead them to think your only focused on them and things are going somewhere and then shagging someone behind their back is a pretty shitty thing to do.

I don't know who is who but it will all depend on what you had agreed with the new person. Had you talked about being exclusive? Or were you both still open to dating other people? One situation is cheating, the other isn't.

You have already posted about this once today, with lots more detail.

Why are you posting about it again, the answers won’t change

Earlier post https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5215190-accountability-for-actions

Depends on whether the new relationship person thought you were exclusive. Imo, which may well be old fashioned, I'd expect someone dating and sleeping with me to not sleep with other people, and if that wasn't the case for them to be open with me about that so I could decide if I were happy to be one of several sexual partners. (I wouldn't be, so I'd not pursue it.) The answer lies in whether you were open about it.

Oh ok. Have read the other thread now.

Total car crash of a "relationship" then. He sounds awful and you need to work on boundaries and self-esteem. Get rid of him and be single while you get therapy and sort out why you are drawn to these types of men.

No only started seeing not exclusive no chats like that

Was not exclusive just started seeing eacother

No didjt say exclusive or anything like that i made a mistake cos of what I came out of previous but he said was cheating

But didn't he also sleep with someone in that time too??

Honestly, you need to break up! The whole thing sounds toxic. Lie detectors and going round in circles you’ll drive yourself mad

If he thinks it's cheating then our opinions don't matter do they? If he thinks you cheated and has lost trust in you at this stage, then there is no point pursuing or thinking about it. Because either he's dumped you for it, and there's nothing you can do, or he's continued to see you, but won't trust you so will maybe be controlling, or keep bringing it up. Just walk away now regardless.

So you've been seeing someone for a couple of months and then you slept with someone else, right? Ask yourself if you would be okay with it if the roles were reversed and there's your answer.

So you've been seeing someone for a couple of months and you had sex with someone else? Yes I would say that's cheating, how would you feel if the person you were dating had sex with someone else?

But saying exclusive was only one part of my comment.

Were you doing everything else? Because if so, then yes you were definitely in the wrong.