Accountability for actions

[Ang1231]

If you have took accountability for lying abojt your past to your partner but u neber lied about present things and neber would to them why would they keep saying u haven't taken accountability when you have apologised a million times and tried to explain I did out of fear vecayse I panicked but I did come out and tell him the truth and that u shouldn't of lied in the first place

More information needed about these past actions, and what “accountability” would mean to you. Are you talking about taking accountability for the past actions, or for the lies?

So basically we was seeing eacother then we stopped for a couple of years due to him not being ready and I didnr know how he felt and I met a couple of other people in that time but I reached back out becsyee he was rhe one I still thought about, anyway he asked me if I had been with anyone I told him I had and told him everything but there was a couple more people but I lied about the other people becayse it was so painfull bevshse I wish I could of gone back and not go anywhere but I just didn't know how he felt back then and I panicked when he asked me,, so yes I took accountability of ever lying to him insaid to him I should neber of done that to him I was scared and I panicked and I knew it was wrong and said to him I knew I should of been honest at the beginning, also he makes me feel bad for meeting other people sayinf should of reached out before but I said I thought u didn't want me around back then I didn't know so I have also took accountability of the past too even though it was him that said he wanted to be on his own but he says but u should of stayed
But who would stick around when he said he wanted to be on his own

I said with the past we both didn't communicate back then but we came back together but he says it was all me and blames me for all the past why

Accluntbility means to me taking responsibility for ever lying out of being scared to my partner and expressed thsg to him owning up thst I was wrong to ever of lied to him when honesty is what I should of gave him

Lying aside for a moment, he doesn't get to be pissed about anyone you dated after he ended the relationship because he wasn't ready. Tough shit, his fault if he thought he was so spectacular that you'd just sit around and wait for him.

Why did you lie about some people? does he know them? how did he find out?

What's done is done, you either move on or you part ways. He can't continue the relationship and keep using it as a stick to beat you with because you'll both be miserable.

Relationships are supposed to bring joy, fun and light into your life.

This sounds awful. Dump him.

You literally haven’t done anything to be accountable for. Are you very, very young, by any chance? This is NOT what relationships are meant to look like - find someone who trusts you and makes you happy.

It's none of his business, who you saw or what you did when you were not together i assume he didn't live like a monk?

He seems to want it all.on his terms ,that's not an equal relationship.

I'd think it would be weird if a partner lied to me about this because I'd know I'd have no right to care if he went with other people during a period where I had dumped him.

If I found out later that he'd lied about it, my reaction would be "I'm sorry you felt you had to lie about that, you had every right to see other people of course".

But I'd also never would have asked so no disclosure needed, unless he had wanted to talk about it.

So in short, your partner sounds awful on many levels.

You shouldn't need to have lied because you had no need to tell him. It was and isn't anything to do with him unless possibly it was his brother or his entire friendship group and even then it isn't really his business. I would be assuming this is a thing he is going to use to justify any future cheating on his part.

This sounds very unhealthy. You shouldn't have been feeling afraid and thinking you had to lie, he shouldn't even have asked. It's not a good relationship and sounds abusive.

It is none of his business in the first place.
You are running around in his circles upsetting yourself over doing nothing wrong.
Has he told you what happened in his life during the time you were apart?
You sound like a really, kind loving person. But also very vulnerable and this man knows that.
You should be enjoying your time together and moving forward. If you allow him to keep beating you with this stick, he will continue to do so.
Having been in a similar situation when I was younger, it was held against me to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore.
It took precious years out of my young life. You deserve better.

So he found out becsyse I ended up telling him, so I did say to him I did date rhus bloke at the beginning when he asked but I denied sleeping with him because when I said I was seeing him he said he hated the bloke and I regretted even go near him anyway bevsyse he was alot older than me but at the time I thought thats what I needed but he kept asking and asking and I did end up telling him but he wanted intimate details

Again it's nothing at all to do with him. You weren't together.

You are not obligated to give ANY details about what you did after he dumped you.

Sounds like it's your turn to dump him

I know i got him back in my life as I reached out to him and been together 2 and half years as I reached out in 2022, and been a loyal partner to him, so 2019 was when we first met march but in August he moved away and we still spoke but didn't say abkjt meeting up in November so I ended up talking and dating someone else, then I reached back out to him in 2020 and things were going well he said he could see I had love for him but then weeks later then he said he wanted to be on his own so back then I took it bad and blocked him and had couple one night stands and a relationship but in 2022 I reached back out to him and thats how we come to here our relationship was really good but he asked about the past and u just regretted things from before because should of always of been him and thats why I lied but he kept asking and asking and I told him everything but just says he can't trust me and wants me to do lie detector that I have told him everything about the past

No we weren't but I tried to say to him I lied bevsuee I panicked and was scared because I wish the past never happened and just wish I couldnof gone back

He has justified horrible things he has said out of being hurt by me lying, inkmow I didn't need to lie I didn't want to say none of your business but he just kept on about the past and wouldn't stop till I told him and now left me

I said that to him and he said I had right to no someone's past to see if I can be with them

So did he not date or sleep with anyone in the time you weren’t together? If he did why didn’t he not do that and reach out to you? If he’s going to play stupid games it has to go both ways. It’s none of his business who you dated or anything whisky you were not together, you don’t have to tell him anything. Sounds like he’s trying to guilt you into feeling bad so you’ll stay. The second he mentioned a lie detector test you should have started running!!

Honestly OP, relationships shouldn't be like that. He's beating you up about things that happened when you weren't together. He has issues or is abusive and you should leave.

Oh god not the bloody lie detector one again. They STILL don't work.

So also he threw this at me too so just want to ask opinion in 2019 which was when I first ever met him I slept with someone I had been with previously twice ir was when I first met him we wasn't dating or together boyfriend or girlfriend the bloke I slept with was someone thst just used me for sex but my self worth was not good and it was a mistake but he said I cheated on him but we was not together I tried to explain to him it was a mistake because what I came out of before him
We got together in 2022 and been a loyal partner
For 2 and half years thus was in 2019 when I first met him but apparently I cheated

He went on dates and slept with one person, when I say ti him but your message said you didn't want me what was I meant to have done back then I didn't know what ubmeant u said ubwanted to be on your own but when I say that he says ok its my fault you slept with other people I said jm nit saying that im saying I would not of gone anywhere else if I knew what u meant and he just says but weren't thinking of me at rhe time and I said to him I did think about you but I thought u didn't feel that way so I met other people